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Do I call Adult protective services?
So I have a friend that has been through a lot. Lost his mother, promptly gained inheritance and lost it just as quickly, and to top it all off he has a girlfriend who is emotionally abusive and is also bed ridden. He has so many responsibilities piling up he has been neglecting his duties with the house. I mean it seems like he is losing more grasp on reality and is not being able to provide the appropriate care for himself let alone his GF. I want to have a talk with him and convince him that he might not be able to care for her properly and with that might end up losing her ( death or otherwise) and I am afraid he won't listen to what I am telling him. What should I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Abusive Relationships?
Sometimes when people go threw alot they think the best way out,is too be alone! Your being a great friend by being worried.You should have a serious talk with him face to face alone! Tell him how you feel & listen to everything he say's.Always keep in mind that he's hurting inside.
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While I have read and do not disagree with what Dragonflymagic has written. It is also not up to you to decide for APS whether this is a case they should intercede in.
You feel the girlfriend is in imminent danger of death due to his neglect then this may very well be a case, at least for her that, APS will intercede in. As to whether or not they will intercede and care for him as well will depend on their evaluation of him.
My suggestion therefore is since you feel as you do that you make a report to APS and let them investigate. If there services are required they will intercede or call the appropriate agency that can be of help to your friend.
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First read this article about what Adult protective services is.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
It states:
Forms of abuse include physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse as well as financial exploitation and other concerns are for the elderly and those with disabilities mental or physical who care for themselves and neglect their own needs.
There are lots of adults who are not elderly or disabled in any ways that neglect their basic needs and no agency is going to come to their rescue so if it's his choice to place himself in such a position and in such a relationship where she is emotionally abusive to him, that's his choice. There is a large amount of women in abusive relationships, and until she decides she wants help, there is no agency that can help her...the same goes for the male friend.
He is still in the grieving process and won't be able to process successfully through it if he has added things to deal with such as the girlfriend.
If she doesnt qualify for state funded caregiver, then she of course would go with anyone willing to look after her for free. She isn't helping things by adding to the pressure by being emotionally abusive but as I said, he is willing to have her as his girlfriend.
There is a point when agencies should be contacted to step in, even if they are both willing to keep this arrangement, and that is when the living environment becomes a health hazard. If you've seen ads for the TV show on hoarders, you get the idea... trash piled high, whole place unsanitory, etc..
Its hard to say if their situation qualiftv ies for help. If you talk to your friend about your concerns for him that he may be still suffering from loss of mom and not able to make the best decisions let alone the pressures of caring for himself and girlfriend. Urge him to get some grief counseling or whatever counseling applies for himself. You're probably right that he won't listen to you. So you could call the Adult protective service and mention the situation and ask if that is something they handle looking into or what they would suggest. You can be anonymous and don't have to mention any names until you know whether the state laws see this as a situation in which they need to step in.
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