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Does this make me a slut?
I'm 16/f. So, about a month ago, this kid in my class called me a slut. He said "go away, slut." Under his breath when I went to get a pencil. And since then I have been observing myself, and wondering why he said that. It didn't exactly hurt, more like caught me off guard and got me thinking, what could I have done to make anyone think that? I mean, I'm pretty conservative.
The only things I can honestly possibly think of are;
1.The fact that I flirt with the guys that flirt with me,
2. I make a lot of sexual jokes,
3. One day at the end of class when everyone was walking out I waited a little bit and took my top shirt off (I had a tank top under with my bra straps hidden) and left my top shirt on only around my neck, so I could pull my shirt off after my sweater was on to make sure that no skin that wasn't my arms showed. But still, just because he was there, a different boy was like, "Yeah, your clothes. Put them on." Which I can understand, but don't agree with... Only my arm skin was out the whole time.
4. I am horny almost ALL of the time and I find myself fantasizing about some of the boys in my school more and more every week -.-
5. A guy friend of mine once grabbed me as if he was listening to my stomach as I walked by him (he touches me like this a lot, arm around the shoulders, hugs, holds my face briefly, touches my hair and arms, things like that) he was sitting, I was standing. He put his head on my stomach & instead of pushing him away I touched his head, & I don't know, I guess it looked wrong? Everyone that saw said "woahhh" & I just gently backed away from him after a moment I took to process.
6. I stretch in class from time to time (I bend backwards in my seat)
7. When I catch a guy looking at me, I'm flattered instead of disgusted. I don't know if my face shows that or not.
8. When men on the street cat call to me, I smile politely at them (I feel rude ignoring them, even if they might rape me)
9. When the same boy that called me a slut smacked my butt one time, I didn't defend myself, I kind of just stood there & stared at him in shock, & I guess this is why? I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm too nice to the disrespectful guys that surround me?
10. I wore these stretchy leggings that look like jeans with pockets to school for literally the first time yesterday, and my best friend told me "those are the slut pants."
11. When I had swimming last year, I have walked around in my underwear in front of the other girls a few times. I was maybe about 50% comfortable with this,
Looking at this list makes me think I probably am a slut, but I want other comments. If any of you think this makes me a slut, please don't hesitate to tell me, and tell me why. I want honesty. I have been beating myself up about this, I know I should have more of a backbone about this, but I just don't know how, or what to say, or what to do...
Thank you for all of your answers in advance. Anything is appreciated :)
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I hate the word slut. Most people who calls girls slut aren't even the definition anyways. The definition is someone who has many casual sexual partners. You are no where near that. People just throw the words around nowadays to hurt someone because it is a word that does hurt women.
Like Rahzie and Zane said, if you are doing something that you feel like you should change, then change it.
It's fine to flirt. It's fine to be horny and to fantasize (as long as you're not telling everyone about that).
The only thing that is not fine, is the guys who are cat calling you and grabbing you in inappropriate places. If anyone does this again, tell them to stop, even report them at school. Doing this to girls is wrong and completely disrespectful.
If you hear him call you a slut again, look him in the eyes and straight up tell him not to call you a slut or any other name because it is extremely disrespectful. He'll probably be intimidated or he'll try to say something else stupid, then you can just tell a teacher and he'll stop doing this to girls because you're probably not the only one he's done that too.
So my only advice to you is to stand up for yourself and don't let men talk about you like that or touch you.
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Let me start by saying I am old enough to be your grandfather. I tell you this so you know I have been around awhile and seen a lot of things.
I do not like the word slut. While the word may be in the dictionary the original meaning is not. The word is a derivative of the word SLUTTISSH, which first appeared in 1336 and described a slovenly man. So your comeback to any boy who calls you that could be "yes you are." Then you can give them the true origin of the word and let them go research the word as I have done for others who have come to us before you.
As to the things you wrote about. Nothing you do or did would fit the present definition of the word. He probably likes you and would want to date you though he feel you probably wouldn't give him the time of day if he asked you for it. Instead he puts you down so he can feel superior to you.
Don't let his insults affect you. Pretend to be a duck and the insults are water and let them roll of your back. If he continues to insult you and harass you then he is committing a crime and you should report him either to the school principal or to the police. Harassing you in school is a form of bullying something the Police and school authorities are taking very seriously.
If you want you can even tell him you consider him to be harassing you and if he does not stop you will report him to the police. IF he watches the evening news and smarter than a rock he will stop.
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People are stereotypical, Judgmental and rude.
This doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong, It means they are judging you and treating you poorly like Razhie said. Again, If you aren't happy with the way you do things then change it.
Some people tend to judge more then others, It's the way society is nowadays.
I, Am a very judgmental person. I admire people who show self respect and are proper. I tend to down people more who try and draw attention to themselves because in my eyes it shows lack of self respect and desperation.
Is it okay to feel this way? Sure. Everyone is entitled to their opinions but I would never mumble under my breath something rude to hurt someone's feelings. People are opinionated, Sometimes others are opinionated in rude ways. Because someone called you a "slut" doesn't mean you are one or you did something to make them think you are. It means they are stereotypical jerks who express it freely.
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Ugh. Please, leave yourself alone. You need more of a backbone. You aren't doing anything wrong. You are, in fact, being treated very poorly.
This guy is a cheap little bully. That's the only reason he called you a slut is because he knows it's a sure fire way to insult and shame a woman.
Look, if you aren't happy with some of the choices you are making around your own sexual expression, that's a great thing to reflect on and consider, but nothing you've described above is anything other than A.) Your own healthy interest in sex or B.) Other people behaving disrespectfully towards you because you are a young woman, and therefor an object of sexual attraction for many, regardless of anything you say or do.
Neither of those things makes you a 'slut', (although some of them certainly make the men who slap you, or cat call you, or make sexual comments about your body, disrespectful scumbags.)
Truth is - you are right. You are pretty conservative. There is nothing going on in your own head that is anything but the normal thoughts and interests of a healthy sixteen year old - and no one can tell what is going on in your head anyways! You have nothing to be ashamed of just because you like flirting or attention - but just because you like it doesn't mean it's okay for people to shame you, insult you and certainly never to touch you! What you are actually experiencing, is a lot of slut shaming and body shaming from the men and women around you for absolutely NO VALID REASON. Please, don't let them define you or insult you when they act like little monsters. Don't accept the shame they are trying to foist on you. That shit is on them, not you.
It's fine to choose to be polite, even to men who are not behaving okay (and cat-calling, ass slapping, sexual comments about your body are NOT okay.) It's also okay to call them on it and say "Don't make those comments about my body. It's not cool." or "Do not call me a slut. That is not okay." It's also okay to turn to your friend and say "You might not like these pants, but do not use that word with me. It's not respectful."
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