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My BF is not the same race as me,I don't know if family will accept him.
My boyfriend keeps insisting on meeting my family. afraid that if I introduce my boyfriend to them they might do something or say something racist. Not all of them are racist, but most are. They say racist stuff all the time. They don't know I have a boyfriend. My boyfriend is an amazing guy around my age and we love each other. He's patient, honest, treats me with the utmost care and respect. He has an accent and his culture is very different from mine.
My family has said racist things about people of his race and some of them think that you shouldn't date out of your race. Even if I tell them not to embarrass me they probably will do it anyway. My grandmother is very outspoken. I know they will all gossip and have something to say. If he finds out they're like that I don't know what he'll do. I don't want to lose him because of my family... What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Tell him the truth about your family and tell to the non-racist part of your family to help you by prepariing your parents because if one day you get married you will have to meet him to them and no one knows whats going to happen
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Sadly in an ever changing world and cultural landscape, this problem is probably fairly common. I personally know several people who have dated or do date outside of their race, ethnic culture or religion and that can be difficult. But with that being said, that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.
Clearly you have deep feelings for your boyfriend as he seems to have for you. In the end, that's what matters.
Life is too short. If you really like him (or even love him) then it's worth the risk to see how your family reacts. And if they don't react positively, that is their problem and doesn't have to be yours or his. If they really love and respect you as a person, they'll either come around eventually or just have to learn to deal with it.
And as far as the possibility of him having a negative experience when meeting your family, if he really has deep feelings for you it won't matter in the end. He'll understand that you are not your family members and are your own person and that just because your family may have some element of bigotry to it shouldn't have any reflection on you.
The next time the idea of meeting your family comes up again, let him know your concerns. Who knows, he might even be relieved to know that you think enough of him to not have him walk into a situation he might not expect.
Good luck and remember that love is blind.
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The best course of action is to not surprise anyone. Talk with your boyfriend about it. Discuss how the two of you will respond if something is said. Discuss what's okay and what isn't. Talk with your family about it. Instead of asking them not to embarrass you, tell them outright that you have a boyfriend, tell them his race, and tell them that they are not to say anything inappropriate in his or in your presence. Be blunt and honest with them. Bring up things they've said in the past and label them as unacceptable. Tell them what will happen if they don't respect your wishes. Make sure they're aware that you're not asking them to change their beliefs, you just don't want them to say certain things in front of you or your boyfriend. If the meeting doesn't go well, don't get too upset about it. Stay positive and discuss with your boyfriend what, if anything, you should try next. If worst comes to worst, just stop visiting your family if they can't handle it. They should come around as the relationship gets more serious. My family despised my boyfriend and said horrible things about him in front of me, but when we got married, they completely stopped. I'm guessing that they still hold the same negative opinions, but they don't want to lose me or their future grandchildren just because I didn't choose someone that was their ideal mate for me. The mistake I made was that I made a big deal out of it and my relationship with my family was damaged for many years. Stay calm and give everyone as much time as they need to come around. It is a bad idea to wait much longer to tell your family about your boyfriend, because your lack of telling them may be interpreted as shame. Good luck and try not to look too deeply into this or overreact. Above all, don't avoid talking about this with everyone beforehand. The best way for it to completely blow up in your face is if you don't warn people first.
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I'd probably have a talk to him about it first. Let him know about your family and what you think will happen if you all meet.
Take it one step at a time. Once you tell him about your family, then move to your family. You can tell them you're seeing a guy and when they start asking questions, answer them honestly. If they'd like to meet them, then let them and try to have a sit down conversation about what it means to you and all that. Hopefully they'll be more understanding.
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Stand your ground. Do what your heart knows is right. Tell your boyfriend that it's not an issue with him that you are worried about.
Inform him that your family especially grandma who doesn't know any better harbor racist viewpoints. Tell him you love him and have been trying to spare him an awful experience with them because of their views of his culture. Continue dating.
What I would do next is as follows have his parents invite you and your family to dinner. Then they can converse about misconceptions about their culture and their son and the truth about the relationship can come out in a positive light.
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