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Love Triangle..?
Hi, I am a teenage girl. My boyfriend and I have been on and off for a year and we really like each other. This other guy and I have been friends for a while now, and I've always had a thing for him, but it was just here recently he told me he had feelings for me. I'm really confused. My boyfriend can be really nice to me sometimes, but he kind of has the tendency to control me, but there is just something about my boyfriend that makes me stay with him. My guy friend is really sweet to me, but I want to be with him. I don't know what I should do. Which one should I go with?
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I'm first just going to suggest to take time off from your boyfriend and figure out your feelings. You obviously can't have both but take your time to figure out how you feel.
You don't want to be with someone who controls you.
The reason why you always stay with him is probably because it's comfortable and familiar. You've been with him on and off for a year, you guys keep going back to each other so it's just habit at this point.
So take time off and figure out how you feel.
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The way you describe both guys, it seems you have already figured out who treats you better, boy number two who is really sweet, and whom you've always been attracted to and whom you want to be with.
It would seem simple to say, then just break up with guy number one, you already have found out thru dating him some things about him that do not make your relationship with him the most healthy and rewarding one....like being controling and only being nice 'sometimes' instead of the state of being nice being a part of who he is at core and always will be. If he can't be consistantly nice in how he treats you, well I'm sure you can feel it, your gut instinct is telling you that something is Off, somethings not right.
So the only thing that really is confusing to you is there being something that makes you want to stay. I can only guess here what it might be. Many females have a strong nurturing instinct that makes them want to help or 'fix' a person who is not perfect, that way they feel more needed and it satisfies their need to nurture. Nurturing will not change someone who doesnt want to change. All teen boys start off dating totally inexperienced in how to treat others in a relationship and learn as they go and so they can unintentionally make mistakes, but if you are seeing a pattern this early on in his life, it is most likely to continue unless he see's a life coach or a counselor of some sort. Most controlling people have emotional problems and some can even have a slight undiagnosed form of mental illness as my 1st husband had.
The other thing that could be confusing you is the feelings you developed for him, those emotional ties that can form, even if the person is not treating you well. These feelings come from your subconscious mind and have a tendancy to override the better judgement of your conscious mind that is saying. The fact that your relationship has been on and off again several times over the year are a warning sign to me. I know that most relationships are going to have problems and a couple disagrees, gets angry at each other or needs to apologize and so there can be a difficult day or two while they work things out, but part of learning to become mature in relationships is to continue to work at doing better the next time and it shouldn't go to the extreme of breaking up each time because a compromise wasn't met, and getting together once the anger has cooled off only to break up again over the same issues again. Thats a warning something is not working right here and there shouldn't be so much on and off again stuff going on.
If you do break up with him, in time you'll find that your emotional connection to him will heal from the parting with him. With what i've experienced in life, if it were my choice, I'd go for number two.
Dating is not only to have fun and enjoy socializing but to learn more about the person to see if the feelings they say they have for you jive with any actions involving you. Words are cheap, but actions and treatment of a person ring more true.
Heres a thought, would you continue to hang out with a girlfriend who exhibited abusive behavior towards you, waffles back and forth between being nice one day and treating you like crap and talking behind your back, or blaming you for something the next day, and she is always telling you what the plan is and wont give you a choice, she puts up a fuss/gets angry if something doesnt go according to her plan, she won't let you make any choices and get upset when you try to. No you would not, at least, not after some time...cus you'd get tired of it. The friendship is going no where. Who needs that for a so called friend. And its easy to stop being her friend because there is no romantic tie to her as with a relationship with a guy.
The guy should also be just as good a friend if not better than your best female friends but there is the added benefit of the physical, emotional and mental attraction to each other, that spark and romance.
Too often we focus only on the romance part and forget to look at the friendship part, are you being treated like a best friend...unconditional love for another human being comes into this picture...if not...you truly know deep down you are with the wrong person.
Hope this helps you sort it out.
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