|
Am I stalking this girl, is this creepy?
there is this tutor I work with in the tutoring lab in college. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. She is about 28 and I am 22 and she is engaged, My class ended a few months ago but I saw her around campus when I was going to meet up with a friend recently and chatted with her
now I find myself going out of my way to that location just so I can hopefully see her and talk to her again. Is this creepy?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
It's not normal, I disagree with the user who said it was.
It is one thing to enjoy someone's company, It's another when you begin to go out of your way to see them. In this case, This is classified as stalking someone, Yes.
It is okay to like someone, It's not okay to let feelings gain control to the point where it gets out of hand. This women is engaged, Therefore she is by all means not available. To try and come between her and her fiance is not only disrespectful but it may only lead to hard feelings.
If you have to ask, Then you must know that on some level this behavior is not okay. I would suggest leveling down until you can except the fact that she is with someone and not available to date. Give yourself space and time to get over it, If you feel that you cannot do so then it may be best to stop all together.
]
It's normal, but I wouldn't do this too often and if she's at all bothered by it, you need to stop.
Understand a few things:
1. Out of respectful for her feelings and the fact that she's in a relationship, you can't expect anything to come of it. I'm not saying you are and it's ok to find her and talk to her as long as she isn't bothered, but don't expect anything more.
2. You need to move forward. Other people have already covered this and they're right. Seeing her and talking to her feels nice, I'm sure, but it's not helping you in the long run. It makes her more difficult to get over.
]
You really like her and you hope to see her more often. Honestly, it might not be really, really bad but it's not healthy. It does you no good. It's even worse than the people who Facebook stalk their ex. It really does nothing good for them.
So like Dragonflymagic said, you should look at the qualities you liked in her, and find them somewhere else.
]
If you are having to ask that of yourself, then deep down, your subconscious mind is having issues with the situation.
Just as there is Yin/yang, positive and negative in the world, there is also a healthy and non healthy way to respond in your situation.
A healthy way to handle your infatuation/attraction is to write a list of what qualities it is about her that you are attracted to...and then look for that in another girl who IS unattached.
Wouldn't you rather have those same feelings for a woman who has the same feelings for you back?
Forgive me if this is off the mark...I am only guessing but with sociology, this is a possibility, that subconsciously you seek out a female who is not available because she is safer. She is a safer person to gain some practice communicating with females, gain some confidence and experience without possibility of bungling up an opportunity with an available female due to inexperience.
All of us start out as inexperienced at understanding the opposite sex or anything about dating and relationships so at this age, there may be mistakes you make...and thats okay, as long as: 1. You own up to mistakes and apologize and
2. You learn from the mistakes and don't repeat.
Running into someone accidently that you have a crush on and talking is fine. However, when you begin to go to the same location over and over in hopes to see her, you must ask yourself why? What purpose does it serve? It does not help you move forward in life and really gain any good dating experience.
All you get to do is savor the feelings that come up when you're near her but you do not get in any actual practice, working on a relationship. Plus there is a chance of making her feel spooked or nervous or feeling pestered by unwanted attention, and that is unfair to her. She likely won't say anything because she is a kind person. I am much like that, hate to say a harsh word, more nurturing and caring. But there have been a couple instances in life where I was pestered to my breaking point and then I had to say something much harsher to the person but hated being pushed into the position of having to do so to get my request across. You don't really want to do that to her, right? Be friendly if you bump into her, but don't put energy and effort into trying to see her, as there is nothing than can come of it.
If you find you can not keep yourself from "stalking" her as you call it, and it bothers you enough, you might try talking to a school counselor and perhaps getting some professional counseling.
]
More Questions: |