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Can't get along with my family and need to get out of here
I'm a girl of 16 in uk and I just can't get along with my mum and siblings, I love them to bits but everyday all the time they just wind me up and they don't realising they are annoying but eventually I reach the same conclusion every night- I need to get out and away from them, I don't want to stay around them anymore, every conversation results in an argument or somebody getting upset, we are just so uncompatable, my boyfriend and friends have said I can stay with them whenever I like but is I dunno if it's just a better idea to get my own place? I don't want to intentionally hurt their feelings and I know that it will if I move out cause they love me but I can't stand them... I just can't take it anymore I feel like it's all building up inside and one day I'm just gunna snap really badly and regret it, advise or an answer would be great?
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It would be nice if someone in the UK were to answer you as there are certain legal areas that need to be looked at before you could even contemplate moving out of your parents home.
First though lets look at your reasons. Your 16 and find living at home irritating. Why? You say; "they just wind me up and they don't realizing they are annoying but eventually." I have to tell you this is fairly normal. It may have to do with where you are in puberty and how the hormones now surging through you are effecting you.
Some of it is just plain sibling rivalry. Part of it is your feeling possibly that your parents are not harsh enough with your siblings for annoying you. Your feeling that you are more adult than your mom or dad give you credit for. This is all very normal for a 16 year old teenager male or female.
The UK and the USA were I live share many of the same laws. In fact our system of laws are based on British common law. I say this as it may not be legally possible for you to leave your parents home without their permission.
Under our law, which may be the same in the UK, parents are responsible for their children until the reach the age of 18. Until that age parents must feed, house, cloth, see to your medical well being and send your to school. Housing you does not mean they pay for your apartment away from them.
Here in the USA you could not legally sign a lease for an apartment until you were at least 18 and many apartment complexes want you to me 21 before they will rent to you. They also want to see a good work and credit history. Do you have that or are you still in school. Do you plan on going to University? How do you plan on paying the rent, gas, electricity and food? I understand a little about the British Dole system it is much like our welfare system. If this is what you plan on existing on it will barely cover these expenses. There will not be anything left over for clothing or going out with friends.
As for moving in with friends? Legally I doubt you could do that either.
What I suggest is you see your doctor and explain how you are feeling. As I said how you are feeling is normal for teenagers. When I was your age my parents what you are feeling a phase children went through. Today we know better and doctors can help you with medications to ease the affects of puberty and the new hormones. I believe this is a better way for you to go then to try and move out of your parents home.
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I am thinking that one possibility may be that even if you got your period years ago, at 16 the hormones levels can still be running very high and your body not used to it yet. The hormone will make any teen girl feel its effects mentally and emotionally. One effect is being more easily irritated, especially towards other females, such as mom, female siblings of any age and female friends, easier to anger, also get upset and cry much easier for little or no reason at all.
If this is the reason, then of course they wouldn't think they were doing anything to cause it because in essence, they are not. It is something internal in you.
Another could be that your personality and astrological makeup could be such that you're a person who needs their own 'space', or own private 'bubble' time away from contact with any other human just to recharge, while the rest of your family are not like that, don't require it and so can't imagine what is irritating to you.
I dont believe going to live with friends or finding a way to move out on your own is a solution. If either of my two guesses are correct as the cause, then eventually no matter who you live with, it will become an issue with them also if there is no understanding between you.
I dont know what you have discussed with mom, but try to explain to her how you are feeling and you want her help to find ways to deal with it, especially if it is related to hormonal issues or needing your private bubble. If one of these is the cause, then discuss with mom a key phrase you can announce to her or siblings with their agreement to respect the ground rules you all have decided upon. Rather than issueing a statement of "I feel I am about to lose it" try for a more positive phrase. "I need some space or i need some bubble time" Pay attention to how you feel just before you are overwhelmed with any of these feelings. At the moment you issue your warning, all conversations with you should be dropped at the moment and you retreat to a designated area or a particular activity in which no one is to approach you to talk or join you to even watch. If it's reading a book and you able to get lost in a book while in a room full of people, then great! thats' your private time and everyone should respect it. Getting out to see friends is good too but shouldn't be your only choice. Going to your room and putting on a headset to listen to some music or whatever is good too. If you share a room with a sis, then mom would need to enforce sister staying out of the room long enough to give you some private time. If you think it may be something else causing this or have anything else to add where I may able to help better, let me know by going to my column and clicking link to 'ask dragonflymagic'
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