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How am i in love with a guy if i'm a lesbian?
i've been a binge eater and bulimic for years, but i never recognized it. My best friend did and she tricked me and made me go to a shrink... it was confirmed there. After a long time, the shrink finally told me, that subconsciously i had started when i started realizing i was a lesbian. Around the time the shrink told me, i started falling in love with another best friend... a guy. Is this just a reaction where i don't accept the truth, and why am i so afraid to follow this when the guy had asked me out before? is it because i dated his sister?
i've been his best friend since i was two... i really do feel like i love him, because throughout the process finding the issues i was hiding, the best friend who found them for me left, but he stayed. i have confirmed over and over that i am a lesbian, but i feel like i only need his love to survive now.
I'm not that good girl, i have an attempted suicide on my list of things done, and am trying to play my problems down for everyone... but my friend is just confusing the process of finding myself.
Why and what is happening, and what do i do?
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I really like what storageanddisposal told you. Our sexuality can move and change as we do and we change quite a bit from our younger years to our older years. I will also say that being sexually attracted to both males and females is normal.
A friend and I did a study of bi-sexual women for fun and to learn. What we discovered is that almost all, lets say 95% of the women had some kind of traumatic event in their past which caused them to not trust men as easily. Perhaps verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical or sexual abuse, rape, abandonement, etc. and they found they were more sexually attracted to females because subconsciously women seem to be more "Safe".
However all of them had one or two men in their lives who were the exception...they were guys that made the women feel secure and loved rather than threatened in insecure. One was usually the boyfriend or husband. So it was a sexual relationship.
But as was already stated, there can be many different kinds of relationships and attachments.
It could be more of an emotional thing.
Don't try to label yourself to fit an accepted sexual preference in society. Yes, gays and lesbians are more accepted now. Bi sexuality is known too but very little talked about and Asexuality is practically unknown or understood in society. It doesn't matter what society or your peers think of you, it matters how you view and like yourself. I had to get over a fear of people when I was younger and that followed me into my 30s before I won the battle of fearing what other people were always thinking of me.
As for finding yourself, I believe that is something that can span a lifetime, finding new discoveries about yourself. But yes, some basics will be there already that you need to discover, things that I believe can't be confused by who you care about.
For example as a child and a teen, I had a creative side to me, I was very giving/sharing, even if it meant very little cash left for me, I was giving emotionally to others by being loving, nurturing and able to sympatize. I had some spiritual beliefs. I knew deep down I was meant to marry and fall in love with a man. I was heterosexual. All those things are still part of who I am today.
i have done things along the way, made some discoveries such as trying swinging, and polyamory but found in the end that who I am, how I am wired to be, is monogamous and married. Some things about you at core will always be there, a part of who you are and other things are waiting to be discovered yet. There is no right or wrong way to be as a person, thats why we are all unique. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can relax and look forward to getting to know yourself, knowing that you will not find anything wrong. Bulimia or attempted suicide does not define who you are. They are coping mechanisms, cries for help or escape mechanisms but have nothing to do with who you are at core.
Everyone ...if they were honest can find at least one thing if not more that they dont like or arent really keen about their looks, and many have found themselves wishing they were better at something because they percieve someone else to be better than them. It's not that someone is better, they have their own uniqueness. For example: Think about hearing a new song on the radio and the first thought that comes to you is, "oh, that sounds like such and such band or singer" and at the end when they announce the artist, you find you were right. the reason is, the singer or band has their own unique style of songs and voices that make them different from others. Different is good. Life would be boring if we were all exact carbon copies of each other. And yet we strive so hard to be just like others and try to measure up to some ideal that is not even real or valid in the first place. Finding yourself is also about loving yourself, just the way you are. I hope you are able to do that dear.
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I think you're just trying to figure out yourself. I actually know a few people who don't even identify themselves because they don't have a preference.
All you need to do is embrace it. Just because people tell you that you are a lesbian and you've always told people that you are a lesbian doesn't mean you have to stay that way. People change.
So embrace it and explore your feelings.
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I feel like you should maybe give this a try you never know where it could lead, but I really think you should let him know how you are feeling and see if maybe you guys could give it a try I mean it might not work out but you never know and if it doesn't may you just need some time away to think about what you want because that is what matters most YOU :) hope I helped ~mesachick51~
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From my perspective, I think an issue you might have is a need for an identity, like being a lesbian. In contrast to this, to my knowledge, sexuality can be very fluid. People can't necessarily control it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't change on occasion. You could be entirely attracted to women one day and find yourself attracted to a man the next. I've known people who have gone through this.
Another thing to consider is the variety of types of attraction. Are you certain you're physically attracted to this person? Or do you just emotionally identify with him? Emotional attachment can happen amongst people that are just friends as well.
If you're confident that you want to be with your best friend, I would follow through with these feelings.
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