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My love life is being blocked by my freinds!
Ok, so I have been dating this girl that I love and such. But my freinds, literally, all of them, hate, her. And I have been freinds with them for my whole life, so I thought about just dumping her, then I noticed that she had been getting a little clingy lately, and finally, we got In bed, if you know what I mean. Then I had to stay with her, but I just don't know what to do! What should I do, stick with my freinds, or stay with my girl?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
A relationship isn't about what your friends want, It's about what you want. No matter who you date, There is always going to be qualities in a person that someone doesn't like. If she makes you happy and you make her happy then that is all that should matter. A relationship isn't about you, that person and other people and never should be. It is about you and your partner.
Don't ever let your friends pick out who you should and shouldn't date or you will never be truly happy. If you want to leave the relationship then leave for your own reasons not because your friends want you too. If they are trying to ruin your happiness, Then you may want to find some new friends.
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I really don't know if your friends all saw something in her that sent up warning signs. If they did, perhaps what they said to you, you took it to mean they hated her which may not be the case, they may just be trying to protect you since they have known you much longer than she has, really care about you,and may have some idea's of what is not a right match. It is hard for all of us to see the truth clearly when we are intoxicated by the feeling of love and romance and looking through rose colored glasses.
Now if your friends have this reaction with every girl you have dated, then there's a problem. Either they are selfish people who don't want you to find happiness or in each girl they saw you consistantly picking the wrong type. Sometimes a person will do that, they somehow always meet the losers.
I can see one or two friends thinking this girl will steal your attention away from them but not all of them, so my vote is to take their cautions seriously.
Take things slowly on the relationship, meaning no life long promises. If I interpret your words correctly, you're saying that you and her have become sexual lately. Having a dating relationship that includes sex does not mean one has to stay with that person forever. I know no other way thats better to discover if someone is sexually compatible with you than to become sexual with them. All else may be wonderful about a person but if what they think great sex is vs what you think great sex is, varies greatly, thats a sexual mismatch. It isn't the best idea to stay with someone out of a feeling of obligation if the sex is a mismatch. It will bring problems later in the relationship because one or both are not truly satisfied in that area. The chemistry is either there or it is not.
Next point: You mentioned noticing that she is getting a little clingy lately. What you and I think clingy is, or compared to what she is actually doing may differ greatly.
A true clingy person is someone who needs a person in their life to feel whole, to lean on all the time, because they don't feel complete on their own, they have no life of their own, and their self worth is wrapped up in the other person.
If what you are interpreting as clingy has occurred pretty much recently and wasn't present before, then it is not the clingy I described above. This is more of how a female acts towards the man she feels comfortable and intimate with and loves, this is a special bond that builds over a period of time, that makes her want to be closer, touching him more in intimate ways, but not necessarily sexual, such as playing with his hair, coming up to him often to give him long hugs, cuddling up to, stroking his shoulder as she walks by, lots of little kisses anywhere on your face, Lacing fingers with you, etc...you get the idea.
Most emotionally healthy women will act this way toward a man who is becoming more deeply special to them, its a normal response.
I also have no idea how long you have been dating her. Dating is either a social thing people do with no intent of being attached, or to discover if the person is the best choice for someone to remain together with long term which includes marriage. It might be best to be honest with each other, and find out which of the two each of you is looking for. Not all woman, but some can be intimate with and even sexual and not be looking for long term commitments so don't assume anything, just have a good talk.
And then, if you are looking for long term, do you feel you know enough about how she is in all situations, not just on a good day but what she is like to be with when she is stressed, sick, unhappy or sad, angry, does she hold grudges, or get jealous or does she maturely talk things out? These things cant be learned in a few weeks or months. Sometimes it takes a year or so and it is learned faster when living together cus you really can't hide things then.
Once you really know what you are up against in her character, personality, her moral standards, what she believes in, what she is passionate about, etc... and you are okay with it, then it should not matter what your friends think. Your life is yours to live and not for them to live vicariously through you. If you begin to see things that you know you can not live with, like someone insecure and jealous, controlling, abusive towards you, unable to keep to a budget--spending as if there unlimited funds in her account, these and other things will kill a relationship over time...some sooner than later.
Maybe your friends saw something in her, if its there, you'll eventually see it if you spend enough time with her.
Good luck sir.
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yes, you should break up with her. she deserves a chance to be with someone who isn't so easily swayed by his friends.
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If you love her, why would you break up with her because your friends don't like her? That's not what love is.
Honestly, real friends won't make you choose. I have friends that have girlfriends who I don't like, but you don't go around nagging them and telling them to break up with them. In fact, I don't even tell them that I don't want them to hang around us. That's not what real friends do.
There shouldn't be a choice. You should be able to keep your friends and your girlfriend. If your friends are making you choose, make you should take a different look at your friendship.
If your girlfriend is making you choose, then take a look at the relationship.
A real reason to break up with her would be if you don't have feelings for her anymore. Not because your friends don't like her. If you like her, that's what matters.
Another real reason is to realize that you guys just don't mix. Your personalities don't click.
Things like that are reasons to break up with someone. Not because your friends don't like her. They have every right to not like her, but to make you choose is wrong.
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Well, it depends. The basic answer is "what do YOU want?" Why do they not like her? Do they find her annoying? Is she taking you away from them? In any capacity, true friends would support whatever makes you happy, regardless of their own self-interest. I have friends with girlfriends I can't stand, but I don't encourage their break-up without just cause.
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