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Is it okay for my boyfriend to backstab me?
Hi! I live in Melbourne, Australia and I am a 14 year old girl. My boyfriend and I had a blue the other day and now he's backstabbing me and calling me the b word on wheels. What should I do?
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Your teen years are a time when we all face experiences, situations where we need to make choices, making the better choices is what should be happening, it's a part of growing up and maturing. But some make the worse choices over and over and never seem to learn. Others will make mistakes but in time, they learn from them.
I don't know your boyfriend so I have no clue whether he typically has a short temper and an anger problem. If you have witnessed similar behavior from him directed at others in the past, then he is one who isn't learning from his mistakes and not getting better. This kind of behavior may be totally normal to him in his mind, because it is what he sees at home, its all he knows. Or he could have some mental or emotional problems, or it is simply due to the age and the brain not completely developed yet.
Our bodies mature before our brains do. In fact brains aren't completely done growing until mid 20's, and thats why you find so much drama, so much bad decisions being made, and bad treatment of others among teens, because they are incapable of seeing that this is wrong and theres a better way.
That doesnt mean every teen will be immature. Some have good loving examples of how to treats others from home so when they make a mistake, they feel bad, have a conscious anbeing underdeveloped dont repeat the same thing.
You don't have to refute anything bad he says about you behind your back...if anyone chooses to believe him, its because they also have immature brains or come from a bad upbringing. Not everyone will believe him. You need to surround yourself with teens who are trying to make the right choices and to learn and grow. So ignore him, stop dating him, find positive friends. If he calms down enough and wants to talk, calmly, not accuse you of anything and not name calling, then talk with him. Find out what the reasons behind his anger was. Did he have a bad day, was it a misunderstanding because of male/female differences in thinking and interpretation of stuff? If you do have the opportunity to talk and he wants to, then make some ground rules before hand, no statement that include the word 'You' only I. You= points blame, I =takes responsibility for oneself. Example: You made me angry when you changed your mind about where to go. VS I felt angry when the place we were going was changed because the other is my favorite place. This opens up the discussion rather than bringing up more argueing.
But don't go seek him out. If he has a change of heart and truly makes some changes in behavior, its up to you whether to let him in your life again, forgive, give people a 2nd chance if you observe a change in how they treat others first, not an act to on to impress you.
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Break up with him.
He doesn't sound like a true boyfriend who cares about you. Guys should not call you names at all, even if they are mad at you. It is no excuse and you don't take that.
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I'm American, so I'll be damned if I know what a "blue" is. At any rate, he's just trying to get a rise out of you. The thing you can do to frustrate him most is to ignore the hell out of him.
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