|
My boyfriend can't get over my past
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 YEARS, he cannot get over my sexual past. I've lied and kept things from him to avoid hurting him and making him feel worse, but it just made everything worse. Now he doesn't trust me. Whenever I tell him something he always questions it. He asks me if I'm telling him the truth. I'm not going to lie to him or keep anything from him anymore because I see that it just hurts him worse than the truth could. I know that lying is wrong and it's bad, but I didn't have malicious intentions. I feel horrible that I've made him lose his trust for me. I'm trying quite hard to gain it back. But anyways, everyday he drills me with questions about my past. It's starting to really upset me. It hurts to talk about my past because I'm so very ashamed of what I did and I'm very regretful, but I talk about it for him. It's starting to upset me because that's all we really talk about lately. We aren't the same couple we used to be and I miss that. Now we fight and argue and I don't want to lose him. I can't. I love him so much and I know that he loves me too. I could never break up with him, he's too special in my heart to do that. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want him to feel upset, extremely sad, angry, jealous, hurt, and inferior anymore. He's the absolute best of them all, that's a fact. So how can I or we fix his problems? ACTUALLY, I had a relation with a guy who used to tortured me a lot mentally and physically and i loosed my virginity with him,he forced me to do that, its just 1 time. then i broke the relationship. after a year i met with my current boyfriend in online.afer somedays he proposed me and i agreed. but i lied to him about my some information ,and my past ,that i don't had my relation in my past and i am virgin. because i afraid to lose him,because he is a nice guy and also very conservative.all was good i revealed other wrong info about my life and he okey with that, but i don't tell him about my past.2 month ago ,he noticed my facebook accout and saw some open wall conversation with my ex boyfriend. but this total conversation was more than 3years earlier when i am in my past relation. so after seeing this my current boyfriend call a guy(my ex's friend) and know all the details and also some wrong details. he told that i had a abortion but it is a big lie!!! but my boyfriend can't trust me anymore. i try to regain his trust but he always doubt me. and that guy some time called him and tell nonsense things about me. but this is not true.i love my boyfriend very much.and he think that i used him , and he feel he gets dirty to do sex with me. we'hv do it 2times.and called me sl*t. i feel terrible with all this matter, and feel very guilty.SOME time he wants to break the relation but i don't want to do that . PLEASE suggest me. I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND AND WANT TO MARRY HIM. I AM TOTALLY LOYAL WITH HIM. he can't accept my past. his problem is not that i lied him but his actual problem is i am not a virgin, he want a virgin girl to marry.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I agree with all that light of truth said.
I think perhaps you live in a country where females don't have the same rights as in the U.S. You have bought into and believed what you have been told that there is a reason to feel ashamed for having sex before marriage. Virginity is an old fashioned concept created by men for men back in a time when we didn't have the medical knowledge to be able to test to see who the father of a child was. Fathers were able to sell virgin daughters for a higher price because the man marrying felt assured that any children would be his, not someone elses from a previous lover so his inheritances would not pass down to a bastard child, a child that was not his own blood. If virginity means that a female has never had anything enter her vagina, then what if she uses a tampon for her period, her monthly flow, is she no longer a virgin, or two females having sex, neither one has a penis so are they life long virgin even though they are having sex with each other? See...the concept of virginity is warped. And there is no way to tell is a man is a virgin. There is no importance on whether he is a virgin or not. Why? Because he can't get pregnant.
This is nothing but a dominance of men over females regarding their sexuality and they reproductive rights. Guy #1 was a loser. I am amazed that you had the personal willpower to leave him because guy #2 is not much of an improvement. I think that this may be your test.
Do you love yourself enough to not allow yourself to be subjected to any of this kind of treatment...even in a lesser degree. Its wrong, even if he treats you bad occasionally. It should not occur AT ALL!!! If you are unable to leave him, you will continue to suffer this kind of life to your dying day, or until the day you wake up and realize that life is short and should be spent being loved and loving others. And you may have feelings attached to him. We all do when we have had sexual relations with a man...those feelings develop. I know this all because my first marriage was abusive. I stayed for 30 yrs before I left. I wish I had woke up earlier. I hope you do not repeat what I did. I hope you leave him now.
]
Hey sweetie, I'm not one to judge, and i think that if your boyfriend loves you enough then he is sure to get over it, and he should NOT be calling you that. I think if you want him to get over it sooner do something bold and romantic to show him he can trust you. Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, its not the end <3
P.s If you're not sure what to do google it maybe??Hope everything works out XOXOXO
]
So you lied and made a few mistakes, he can't keep holding it against you.
I don't understand why he would want to marry a virgin if he's already had sex with you. That defeats the whole purpose of marrying a virgin anyways. Even if you didn't have sex with your ex boyfriend, you still would not be a virgin because you had sex with your current boyfriend.
You keep saying he can't accept your past. I know you love him. But he doesn't know how to treat a woman. He doesn't have respect for you and you were forced into sex before. None of that was your fault and he's blaming you for something you couldn't stop. It's wrong. He is wrong. You should never ever be with a man who calls you names, especially a slut. He's becoming verbally abusive towards you and you need to leave him.
Could you actually see yourself marrying him? You're seeing his true side right now. Would you be able to live with how he is treating you for the rest of your life? You'll be miserable. You'll be very unhappy.
You should no longer have to feel guilty or ashamed. He won't stop fighting with you. He calls you names and does not treat you right. Leave him and find someone else who deserves your love.
]
You've asked before, and the answer remains the same:
You made a mistake, but he can't punish you forever. If he cannot forgive you, truly forgive you and respect you despite of your past, than you need to dump him.
And you should dump him. He's a hypocrite and a jerk who doesn't value you or respect you because you aren't a virgin (despite the fact that he too, choose to have pre-martial sex with someone - you).
I know it hurts, and I'm sure you do love him, but you CANNOT marry someone who would treat you in this way. Right now it's just name-calling and distrust, it wont get better when you are married, and it might get worse.
]
More Questions: |