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Not ready to talk to him again, but afraid he will move on if I don't.
So me and my boyfriend of a year and a half who I was madly in love with broke up last week. He broke up with me. I thought i would be devastated but i was more relieved. I knew we would be friends but It would take time. we play games with eachother on our ipads and i decided i needed a break before I was ready to talk to him again. I just wanted to figure things out. So over the week he kept nudging me on the game to play since it was my turn. I just ignored it. so today he texted me asking if i was ready to talk. which is so sweet because it shows me he really misses me as i do him but im not ready. I still want my space. I kind of like this space. I told him no and he said he hopes the day im ready to talk to him again comes soon. I feel so guilty.. I feel like he's really sad and i dont want him to be sad. I love him but i want more space. I was planning on texting him in about a week and a half from today but now i feel pressured that I should do it sooner and I'm worried he'll forget/move on and not care about me if i wait another week and a half.
what do you guys think? Any opinions are greatly appreciated! thanks so much!
p.s im 21 and he's 29 if that helps!
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Do what is best for you. You like the space between the two of you right, so take that space as long as you truly want and need. Do not put much consideration into giving up the space that you want just to make him happy. It is nice to put others feelings into consideration in most situations but in others, like in this case you should put your own feelings and wants before his. This space allows you think and do whatever you need to do to feel ease possibly, and it can be a healing process. If you want to stay friends, make that clear to him. If he moves on or acts unpleasantly different because of this space, it's a typical reaction. He most definitely misses you, but he may feel an anxiety or eagerness to talk to you that he may not show due to you calling out this space. When you're ready to talk if he doesn't feel the same way about keeping you as a friend, he probably feels upset and has decided to move past the situation and cut ties even though a. That'll you did was ask for space. But if he's an adult about the situation, he will come around. That's what matters. He should try to respect your decision whether he agrees with it or not. You should communicate that with him, if you haven't already. He may not know exactly how you feel about the space you're asking for but he should try to understand that you're trying to deal with your feelings. If space is what you really want, go for it. He may not like it but do it for yourself if that's what you really want. Be honest with him and with yourself about it and don't make the mistake of taking this space too far though, like for a month. Because then he may think or get the idea that you don't really want him in your life anymore. At the end of the day, communication is key.
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You shouldn't worry about him moving on or not caring if you're not ready to talk yet.
If he did, then you know he really didn't care. And that's not the case, is it?
Don't feel pressured, just tell him that you're not ready yet and when you are ready, you want to take it slow. If he loves you, he'll wait.
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A part of us will always fear change, its uncomfortable. You said you were relieved which means it wasn't the best relationship to begin with for a boy friend a male friend maybe who is not a romantic interest is another story and if thats what he is should be able to move on to other things without it being a big deal for you.
Be honest with yourself. On a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being crappy, 2 being bad but I can handle it, 3 being so-so, there's some bright points, 4 being a good and dependable, 5 being the perfect match made in heaven, madly in love. where does this relationship stand?
My husband and I don't like being separate from each other, we don't drive each other nuts and need personal space other than time he spends on the computer or me in a book. When it's a 4 or 5 on the scale you have something really good. 3 is passable but why settle for less when you can get better, someone who is the best.
A relationship based more on texting and playing games is maybe nice for a friendship, but a deep romantic life time committed relationship needs lots more than just that. Good face to face time and time spent going through life experiences together, the good days and the bad ones, so there's always someone to kiss and hug away the stress's of life outside the home and the relationship. Some important thing for a healthy relationship is good communication that involves more than texted words, because humans communication with facial expressions and body language as well. Trust is important but without quality time spent together during the good and bad of what life throws at you, there's no opportunity to grow a trust in each other. A good sexual compatibility is important too, supporting and upholding each other and ones dreams, hopes and wishes and goals, complimenting each other daily, etc... Maybe I am misreading what you meant by boyfriend and you aren't wanting anything as serious as I paint for a relationship, if so then just keep doing what you've been doing in the relationship and it will do what its supposed to do, continue or fail. Sorry, i dont have any magic words to make it a quick easy fix. Relationships are hard work but worth it in the end. Good luck dear.
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Sounds to me that your heart isn't really into the relationship sweetie, Your head hungry.
If you do decide to talk to him eventually, Maybe keep things at a slow pace for awhile. Nobody needs to spend 24.7 with someobe as this is how a relationship becomes exhausted. If you rekindle things, Take your space if you need it. Go off with the girls and let him hang out with the guys or go do something you enjoy. Also to put it out there, If he truly wanted to be with you then he would wait around for you. Space is important and keeps a relationship healthy.
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