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He's married, he's 40, and I like him a lot.
Hey guys. I'm a female, almost 20, and I have feelings for my coworker. I work somewhere that a lot of more established people work. I'm the youngest in the company by far. There are a lot of guys in their late 20's and early 30's and everyone is interesting and most of the staff is pretty good looking. I, however, have feelings for one of my managers. He's 40, he's married, he has a kid, and he's black. Now I know the last part seems unnecessary, but I've actually never been physically attracted to a black guy before. For whatever reason, I've always gone for babyfaced white guys. Anyways, he is wonderful. He's calm and quiet and very smart. Only recently have I been lucky enough to get to know him. We were paired up to do inventory a couple months ago and in that time I realized that I had some pretty intense feelings for him. I'm in a serious long-term relationship with a man I love undeniably and would never cheat on, so these feelings are really confusing. My manager is very respectful. I've never heard him say a bad word about his wife (who is about 10 years older than he is)...in fact I've never really heard him say anything about her at all. He's shown no signs that he is interested in me, while most of the guys I work with have made a pass at me at least once. However, he really enjoys talking to me. He shares stories with me and we vent to each other whenever something is wrong. He doesn't do this with anyone else at work, nor do I. I went to watch his band play the other night. Luckily, 2 other guys I work with are also in the band so it didn't seem like I was just there for my manager, but seeing him outside of work was weird. He could barely make eye contact with me, even though he invited me. While the rest of us were drinking wine in the alley, he separated himself and just said he'd see me inside. I couldn't take my eyes off of him though, and I saw him look at me a few times from the stage. He thanked me multiple times for coming, but I'm just confused now. Does it seem like he has feelings for me that he feels guilty about or am I imagining things? I've never hit on him or said anything to anyone about my feelings, so I don't think I make him uncomfortable. And how do I get over these feelings? I love my boyfriend and don't want to be burdened by a stupid crush. It's gotten to the point where I dream about he and I kissing. Seeing him at work is bittersweet. My life would be easier if I could just figure this thing out.
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I wouldn't know if he has feelings for you. It just all seems normal to me.
I think since you like him, you're putting the picture in your head that maybe he feels the same way so that you're just not crazy or something.
You're not though, this kind of thing happens.
You already know you should move on and past this crush. You just need to figure out how to do so. It's harder when you work with them. But for the time being, try to keep your distance. Don't stare at him and keep yourself occupied. You don't need to have long conversations with him until you move on. Focus more on your man and keep yourself busy when you start thinking of your manager.
Once you start trying to move on, you will. The only time you won't get over him is when you convince yourself that you can't. That's why some girls are still "trying" to get over someone for years. So make sure you know you can, focus on your boyfriend, and keep yourself busy.
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What I see, from what you have written, is very much a crush not unlike you might have on a teacher or other mentor.
Your manager being older and more mature is also wiser. Like any teacher or mentor he would also enjoy talking with someone he is helping to learn especially a student who is bright and receptive to what is being taught. The workplace and school are not all that far apart in that manner, especially between a manager and someone he or she may supervise.
I don't see anything inappropriate in the manner in which he is working with you or associating with you during work hours. What I do see is you misinterpreting his way of supervising or closeness with you and probably other employees he supervises. Here again there is nothing wrong with this as long as it remains in the office and does not go beyond a friendship.
He was right to walk away from you after hours at the club for he probably senses you want more than what he is willing to share with you. His is an office employer/supervisor friendship that is offered. Nothing more.
My advice to you is not to read any more into what is happening between you. If you enjoy his conversations then continue to enjoy them. If you cannot see a platonic relationship with him. Then I suggest you keep your contacts with him to strictly business.
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EDIT
Typical 20 year old go figure. :-)
You are so not getting the picture...
Of course he isn't interested in you, He is your coworker. Why the hell would any coworker talk about their personal business? It is highly inappropriate. This by all means does not mean he isn't happy in his marriage, It means he keeps his work seriously.
You need to get off the idea that you may have a chance with him. This man is married and has a family, He most certainly isn't interested in engaging in a relationship with a coworker nevermind someone that is twice as young as he is.
Pursuing a relationship with a coworker can put your job on the line. It is inappropriate and not professional, If you can't learn to put your feelings aside then you may not be mature enough to handle such a job..
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