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Boyfriend pressurising me to go away with him
We've been together for over a year, he's my first boyfriend, I'm his first girlfriend and it started out brilliantly. He's going to uni in a month or two and I'm not and I wanted to make the most of the time we have left because I think a LDR is unlikely to happen. He's been so good to me, I have a few medical conditions that make life hard for me and he's been amazing, I really don't want to lose him. However, he recently has been trying to get me to go away with him for a weekend or so with his relatives (about 10-11 of them). I keep saying no because I've never been away from home, I'm not the sort of person to go away, I'm not great with people, I've had panic attacks in cities before and my parents aren't keen on the idea (we're both 18 & still live at home with parents). Any stress makes my medical conditions worse but I'm in the process of getting it sorted and I don't feel ready to go away yet because of them. I've tried to reason with my boyfriend and explain this but he won't drop it. I've told him I would consider it in the future if we're still together, when it's more serious but not right now. Also, in the past few months we've been arguing a lot more, and I've gone to bed at night in tears on many occasions because of how much our relationship has changed but then again, I am very easily upset. I don't know whether it's me being oversensitive but I don't understand why he would make me do something that he knows makes me very unhappy. All I wanted to do over the next couple of months is have fun. Every time I speak to him now I feel pressured, we end up arguing and it's ruining our relationship and I don't know what to do about it. Days where we don't argue are great, we have fun like we used to when we first started going out. Has anybody any advice about what to do? Thank you very much if you do.
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Love is patient and kind! You shouldn't be getting pressured to do ANYTHING you don't want to do! If he will pressure you to try to go away with him, he will pressure you for other things. If he wins with one and gets what he wants, then he will always pressure you into doing what he wants!
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It might be that in this one case, he is thinking of himself and want one last time carefree to spend with you. But if he's not going to see you while at Univ. then one more time is really not going to make a difference. He may be scare of losing you, or the feelings fading as you're apart, maybe even for him, and those fears could be what causes him to act so irritable and get upset so easily and fight. As I see it, due to your delicate condition, it's best you stay home, you both say goodbye and agree to keep in touch by FB or skype or something or promise to let each other know if someone else comes into your life that you want to date. No hiding it. Life isnt going to go the way you dream it should in your mind. You need to learn early on to roll with the punches that life tosses your way. This could go 4 diff. eays.
1. may be the end of your relationship with him
2. He meets a gal at Univ & they become a couple
3. You meet & date a guy your age around town
4. When he finishes college he comes back to you
No one can know. You need to be able to be flexable and continue on with life no matter what path presents itself.
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If you're not ready, it's that simple. You already know that but you need to make sure it's just not going through one ear and out the other.
When he talks to you, tell him you don't feel like speaking because he's making you feel pressured when you're not ready. He needs to get that.
If he doesn't stop, then don't continue this with him. You might love him, but he's not respecting your feelings and that's not a wanted trait in a boyfriend.
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You are not ready, Plain and simple.
I applause you for knowing the time isn't right. However, On the other hand never if life based off WHAT IF just because you have medical issues. Life is way to short to hold yourself back.
It may simply be the fact that he is just not right for you. Unfortunately, It is very rare a relationship works out with your first. It's just the way it goes sometimes.
Either tell him again you aren't comfortable going or tell him it's time to move on...
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