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baby mama drama!!!!!!!!
Help!!!! I am a 23 year old female currently in a relationship with a male who has a baby girl from a past/current relationship. me and him have been dating for 3 years now and one bad summer evening him and i got into an argument which lead to a brake up. He went back to his ex and got her pregnant. after 5 months of not speaking to each other i forgave him and decided it would all be okay. It has been over a year and things have gone from bad to worse. Every time we argue, no matter how small the argument is he decides it okay to seek "meaningless attention" from his ex who is in a different state. I have found multiple texts, pictures, and even videos, on his phone from her (and other women, also different states) which he claims to have only received during times of arguments or when we are not speaking to each other. I don't believe he has actually cheated on me, we are always together but I'm extremely worried he might if this behavior continues. He is not abusive at all, he has never cursed or even attempted to insult me in anyway. the outside picture of our relationship is perfect. I wish the times were always that good. He has tried to get me pregnant and he has even tried to leave the state in hopes we'd never see each other again but he always comes back looking for me, it never fails. I cant seem to stay away either obviously. Any Advice in this situation?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Being in a relationship means caring for the other person. He seems to only care about your feelings when things are going good. I mean you don't go running to other guys when you guys get into an argument right?
It's not ok to do that, you know that and you don't have to live with that. When you're in a relationship, you're not supposed to be afraid to disagree because he might go run off to another girl. That shouldn't even have to cross your mind.
As with the child, do you want him to be the father of your child? I mean if something goes wrong, he's just going to run off to another girl. You know the child won't make him stay.
He just seems to not care very much about how you feel and only about how he feels.
Take some time to think about this relationship and if this is really want you want for the rest of your life. You can't expect him to change, and you can't make him change.
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It's gonna be hard to hear the truth dear, but I can't lie. This man in your life has been in-lust with you, not in-love with you. Doesn't matter if he has ever said he loved you. Words come easy, but the right actions are harder.
You can tell by his actions that he will never be able to make a commitment to you.
Just having babies with others means he is financially responsible to those kids and will have to be financially,part of their lives until they turn 18. That already is a big strain on any goo relationship money and budget wise.
Some people are just not monogamous. If he knows he is never going to commit to just one woman, he should go get his tubes ties so at least he's not getting any other women pregnant but this is about you. Why would you want him back? You must see something in him or you would let him go.
Is that something enough for you to stay with him.
Can you see yourself happily married to him 10 yrs from now? 20? You dated for 3 years and dating is not all about calendar appointments to go to a movie or out to dinner, or out dancing. It is a time to learn what you like and don't like about the opposite sex. Find out more about the person you have interest in which happens only if you start seeing each other regularly making it a conscious choice. If there are too many dislikes, start over again with someone new. Or take this to the next level. Usually a move to being a steady couple happens automatically without any conscious thought.
Next comes Steady relationship: This is meant to be a time where you have plenty of opportunity to spend in each others presence getting to see how they handle themselves 24/7 under all sorts of conditions, their good days, and bad days. Many choose to live together at this time. There isn't much that can be hidden when you live with someone, like their housekeeping habits, what their usual diet is, any mood swings, and by now there should be a good idea of what their normal sexual habits are and sexual needs are. You don't want to get matched up with someone who is the opposite libido level of yourself or not monogamous.
In 3 years of dating you both should be able to progress to the next step and soon be able to make vows of love to each other and choose to grow old together. Is he that man? At any point in a relationship that one is not ready to progress forward like the other, that means it is time to separate ways and start dating others to find the one who will fall in love with you.
Which is what you want? Right? But then, you wrote in for advice so you must have some standard for your life that you feel isn't being met. In any relationship, even the bad and abusives ones, there will be a heart tie with feeling and some level of love, but not strong enough for a healthy relationship. >These feelings come from your subconscious mind. It's not on the same page as your conscious mind. So it will be hard but you need to have some honest talks with yourself so you can let go of him if thats what you want to do. You will have to ignore your feelings because they are misplaced and he doesn't deserve them dear. Start dating. Once you have met a wonderful man who is committed to you, in love and treats you like a Queen, I guarantee you won't see the ex coming back to see you any more.
Committed relationship: Here there are vows and oaths made to each other, a professing of mutual love and devotion for each other and it goes beyond words to living it out daily in how one treats their partner. This person will be your life mate with a marriage license or without one.
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He is an asshole
He is cheating, He does not value your relationship nor does he even respect you. Dump him and move on
He is mentally abusive
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Your are, to my thinking, in a form of an abusive relationship. He is not physically abusive but his actions or reactions to any arguments is to run off to a safe haven of another women. To my mind this is in line with mental abuse as this, from what I am reading, is what his actions are doing to you. Causing you mental anguish.
Lets face facts here couples do have disagreements or arguments. Things are not always as we would like them to be or as the movies would portray them. Life's highway is filled with bumps and potholes and we as adults must learn to deal with them in an adult manner.
Running away from problems and seeking comfort in the arms of another is not the way to handle these things. Neither is it always proper for one party to constantly forgive and forget.
I know you must truly love him to put up with this behavior. Though love like sex will only take a relationship so far. At some point there has to be a meaningful relationship built. One that is built on a mutual respect that comes from a mutual love and proper regard for the others feelings.
From what you have written I don't see this coming from your boyfriend and it may never be. While it is not proper of me to tell you to leave him. It is proper,, since you asked for our advice, that I suggest that you take the time to really think what life would be with like with this man. Factor in a child since you say you have tried to have one with him. It appears, since he has fathered one child with another women, that a child would not keep him with you if things get tough again.
If this is not the life you picture for yourself and a possible child. Then I believe you know what must be done. Yes, it will hurt at first, though I feel you have been hurt by him before, so this may not hurt as much as it could.
Then find someone who will love and respect you. Someone who will build a life with you based on a mutual love and respect for each other not just on sex. Someone who will not up and leave when things hit a rough patch and they will. It happens in all marriages as life changes and with it so do are goals and aspirations. As life partners we support each other through these changes not run away from them.
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