|
Am I overreacting to what my boyfriend did, especially since I told him he could do it?
21/f This week I got my blood taken because I'm feeling sick and may have mono. My appointment was at 7am. My boyfriend (of one year) knows I was freaking out about it, and said he would come with me for support. I was so happy for the support, but felt bad that the appointment was so early so I told him he didn't have to to go because of the unnecessary early time. I guess I was expecting him to say time wouldn't be an issue, as I would have done for him any day; instead he took me up on my offer. I didn't express my disappointment because I offered to opt him out of it, but I still feel upset with him about it. Am I right to feel this way? Or am I over reacting? Thanks.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Let me tell you about young men as they can be really strange. I can speak from experience on the subject since at one time I was a young man.
First and foremost men of any age, especially young men do not understand women. Even at my advanced age, I'm retired now and have been married for 42 years, yet there are times I will ask my wife what she means because if I don't, like you and your boyfriend I can misunderstand her meaning.
Males in general from the time of puberty to will into their thirties value their sleep over everything else. This includes sex once they are asleep. So when you told your boy friend that, "I told him he didn't have to to go because of the unnecessary early time." What he heard was, "I know how much you like to sleep in so don't bother."
Should you be upset that he heard what he wanted to hear? You could be but I don't think you should be. Yes your overreacting for you told him he didn't have to go. As I said even after 42 years of marriage I am still capable of misreading what my wife says though I have learned to ask for clarification. You and your boy friend have not been together long enough to be where my wife and I are or even I'm sure your dad is with your mom.
My advise is you cut him a break this time. Next time something like this comes up be more specific with him. If you truly want him to go some place with you and he offers. Say yes that would be great, thank you can you pick me up at 6:30 or something like that. Then he has specifics not open to his interpretation.
In other words, and they will kick me out of the men's club for this. You have to train him to be what you need him to be. Don't tell anyone I said that.
]
The fact of the matter is that you're a woman. This is what women do. I'm the same age as you. I've told my boyfriend that he didn't have to do something, (even though I wanted him to) and when he would accept my offer, I would feel let down.
Men don't understand that more than half the time, a woman will not tell them what they really want from them. We want them to figure it out for themselves. And when they do figure it out, that'll prove that they really love us.
Lets get a few facts straight here: A) It WAS a very early appointment. 7am is a ridiculous hour and I'm fortunate to not have to wake up that early. No one likes to wake up that early. B) Mono is easily treated and is not a life or death issue. I promise you, if it was something more serious, he would be there. C) He offered to come. Even if you told him he didn't have to, he offered before you even asked him. Your health is on his mind and if he knew you really wanted him there, he would have come.
Even if he wasn't there for the appointment, I'm sure he'll be by your side during your recovery. Just because he can't read your mind doesn't mean you should be upset. So, to answer your question, yes. You're overreacting. But that is completely normal. And this was not that big of a deal. Next time, just be honest and say something like "I would really appreciate it if you were there, but if there is some conflicting matter that would keep you from coming, I understand" I don't know, something along those lines.
I hope I helped! And try not to be too hard on him. He's a boy, after all :)
]
It's ok to feel that way. They are your feelings and they are completely valid. You shouldn't be upset at him though.
It was sweet of him to say he would go with you for support. You just assumed he'd go with you though. I've done that so many times with my boyfriend. Telling him he didn't need to do something when he offered. Then I ended up sad that he didn't do it.
Anyways, I learned that I just need to be straight up and grateful. I don't want to say things I don't mean because it might not go as I planned.
So don't be upset with him, it's ok to be a little sad. If something like that comes up again and you truly feel bad about it being too early or something, then say that he doesn't have to go BUT you'd still really appreciate it or something like that.
]
You're still young and learning hon.
One of the things we all need to learn is:
To say what we mean, and mean what we say.
Before you make such offers, think ahead a couple of steps and mentally prepare yourself. When I was your age, i did not think far enough into the future either and that is what gets us all into tricky situations.
Do the what if thinking: If he still went along, you'd be happy for the company. If he decided to stay home, would I be okay with that , how would I feel. You have your subconscious mind engaged at this time, this is what its good at and will tell you exactly what it is that could really happen because it controls all your feelings and emotions.
It wouldve told you that it was really wanting to offer him a choice as a test, not because you felt bad for him because of the early hour.
Your subc. mind wanted to know how deeply his love and concern for you goes.
Your both in your 20's for one thing, so little life experience..we all have that in our background. You are boyfriend/girlfriend, dating so you have not progressed to the ultimate level of relationship...a committed lifelong relationship whether with marriage license or without, where oaths and vows of love and committment are spoken.
The kind of commitment to you that you were expecting from him doesn't match the type of relationship you currently have.
But the fact that he took your feelings into consideration and wanted to go to support you showed he is coming awfully close to that level of relationship. You perhaps don't understand how men think. When you told him it wasn't important for him to go...he took you at your word which all men would do. You wouldn't say it if you didn't really mean it. Men are logical. They don't say things with hidden meanings behind them.
So you can't blame him.
However, in a long term loving committed relationship, a man will over time become even more intimately related with his woman to know when she doesn't really mean what she just said, or would open it up for discussion, or he might tell her that Of course he is going with her, he loves her and would rather be at her side. There are many great relationships but not all men are like the last one...wanting to be with her no matter what the situation or the time or what. That sometimes takes two very evolved, mature creatures who are also soul mates to have that kind of connection to each other. I do have that with my 2nd husband. Didnt have with the 1st.
If your boyfriend offered to go without you having to ask, you have a sweet guy. Give him a break for not meeting your preconceived idea of how it should turn out...AND hold on to him for heavens sake!!!
]
More Questions: |