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my boyfriend asked me to have sex with him
My boyfriend wants me to have sex with him but I'm only 12..... iI want to but then again I don't want to.... am I too young for this or should I do it?
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You are way too young.
Here are the problems and the ages at which they start to be sorted out.
Physical - You are not fully developed. Your vagina is not as big as it is going to get as you get older. It is not sized and grown to the point that it is supposed to be able to fit a penis in it. Trying to have sex could hurt you in ways sex is not meant to hurt. You might have heard that having your hymen broken can hurt, and it does sometimes. This, though, would be stretching your insides out beyond what they are naturally able to handle, which can cause painful damage to you.
The same way, the nerves which make sex feel good are not fully developed either. Even if it managed to not hurt, that doesn't mean it's going to feel like it should and will later when your body has spent enough time going through puberty that you are physically basically an adult.
Women are physically ready for sex generally between 14 and 18, depends on the woman and when she hits puberty and her body. The older you go, the more ready your body is. By 18, you're good to go. Many women are not really physically read before that age (though they might do it anyway).
Mental and emotional - At 12 you are not prepared for the emotions or the consequences of sex. There are alot of things you have to pay attention to, some of which you haven't learned yet. This is hard to describe to someone your age because as an adult we often take these things for granted, we are used to them and are adults who know how to handle ourselves emotionally.
But this is supremely important too.
The best way to put it. As an adult I know what I need and want out of a relationship. I know when it's ok for me to have sex with someone, when it will be a good experience for me that I want to have. I have plenty of experience with myself in relationships to know what I want and need.
You do not. At 12 you have no conception of how a relationship really works or what guys are supposed to act like. The way you get these things is by dating around, and you should date someone for a very long period before you consider having sex with them when you are young. Six months to a year absolute minimum.
Worse, at 12 you are incapable of asserting yourself as an adult. The second part of knowing what you need is being able to tell other people what you need and tell them no if you are not getting what you need. Because at your age you have no idea what you really need, you are not confident in telling others. Which is why you are here asking us. Because you're still a kid and kids aren't grown up enough to be having sex.
When you are ready for the emotional parts depends alot more on you than your age but I would put the same age range. 14-18. Before that time span no one is mature enough to be having sex (though, again, sometimes they do it anyway). The longer you wait on this, the better off you'll be. Get into high school. Focus on school as much as you can. Date people without the expectation of sex.
Last, social.
You're not old enough to be having sex and have people think it's kinda normal. That's a fact of life, and when you're in school the social matters.
Guys as young teenagers... most of them leave much to be desired. They do not understand limits, boundaries, or respect. Some of them never grow up into decent people, some of them do. But society trains guys that it's "unmanly" to turn down sex or to not want it themselves and not be ready to say yes whenever a girl is willing to have sex with them.
This shapes perspectives. If a guy wants to have sex, he's going to go after a girl who he thinks will have sex with him. This becomes the primary quality you have to have. Who you are and even what you look like matters less than what they think you're willing to do.
Point blank, if you have sex and people find out guys will want to use you for sex. And at your age you have no real idea how to tell the difference between a guy who wants to have sex with you but likes you for who you are as well (a normal guy) and a guy who just wants to use you to get himself some sex (assholes)
The way you tell, eventually, is to date them for a good long while. You see how they handle self control, if they pressure you for sex and if they tell you you should or have to for a reason that matters to them.
If so, dump them and find someone else. You want someone who is understanding, someone who is more than willing to wait until you have decided for yourself that you are ready to have sex with them.
Not that you want to. You're hitting puberty, you're going to want to have sex with people. It's that decision you will make that you trust the guy to like you the next day, that he is there for more than sex.
Find guys who talk to you. Who ask you about yourself in addition to talking about themselves. Talk to them. Flirt with them. Make out if you want. Keep the clothes on and keep their hands above your clothes. If you find yourself wanting sex and it starts driving you nuts, masturbate. Figure your own body out and how to please yourself, because that will be important later when you do have sex with a guy and he wants to know what you like.
Welcome to your first real lesson in adulthood. People will want you to do things you aren't ready for all the time. It's your job to tell them when you are or aren't ready. And it's your job to figure it out. Right now, if you have a question about whether you're too young, you aren't ready. If you have a reason to not want to have sex, you aren't ready.
Do yourself a favor and give it at least another two or three years before you consider having sex with anyone, no matter how long it's been that you've been seeing them.
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The fact that in a sense you are asking permission to have sex with your boyfriend says you already know you shouldn't be having sex with him. That you are to young. He is probably also to young to be having sex as well.
Your boyfriend is going through puberty and his hormones are his driving force. That a peer pressure from his friends who for the most part are more talk then action. Young boys driven by their hormones can think of nothing else but satisfying the sexual urge they have. Hence the word horny.
Something else you need to know about young boys. There definition of love and yours at this age are quite different. Love to them is the same as lust. Once they satisfy their lust they for most boys will move on to someone else.
How do I know this? As hard as this is to believe, even though I am old enough to be your grandfather I was once a young teenage boy. Something else you need to know about young teenage boys. They cannot keep secrets. If you have sex with him every boy in school will know about it by the next morning, thanks to Facebook and other forms of electronic media. He may not make the posting and it may not actually have you name, still everyone who knows you two will know you did the deed together.
One other thing you need to know. The fact that you are going through puberty means you're body has started to mature and take on a womanly shape. It does not mean your vagina has matured enough to have sex. Even though you may be getting your period intercourse at your present age could and my be very painful for you.
Waiting until you're older by a few years will allow your body time to properly mature. Then when you are ready and with someone who knows the difference between lust and love. Someone who will see to your comfort and security so you can enjoy as painless first time as possible. Then you are ready for sex. That time is at least 4 years of if not longer.
If your boyfriend is pressuring you to have sex with him by saying something like, "If you love me you will have sex with me. or you can prove your love for me by having sex with me." He does not love you he lusts for you.
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You are too young to be having sex. Boys will be asking you to have sex for a long, long time. Your boyfriend is going through puberty and his hormones are going crazy, that's why he wants to have sex.
Firstly, you know you shouldn't have sex because you know you aren't ready. If you knew you were ready, you wouldn't have to ask the question. You shouldn't have sex just because you want to, because there are consequences if things go badly.
Secondly, if you went through with it, you could possibly end up pregnant. It's a good thing to use condoms and birth control but sometimes things can go wrong. You don't want to end up pregnant when you're this young.
There is also possibly of getting an infection.
Also, your body is still growing. I'm sure you have just started your period or maybe had it for a year or so. Sex will hurt you terribly. It wouldn't be pleasurable for you until you're body is done growing.
Not only that, girls who have sex at a very young age normally regret it. Because when you're older, you don't ever want to admit that you had sex when you were only 12 years old. You're not even a teenager yet. It's more common for a 16+ girl to have sex for the first time. Anyways, sex isn't just all fun. When you're a teenager, your emotions are a bit crazy. You're just beginning, so sex could affect you emotionally as well.
Anyways, you don't want to regret it. So just wait. If you have a good respectable boyfriend, he will understand and respect how you feel. He won't push or beg you to have sex with him. If he does, you know what he really cares about.
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And how old is he? While there are kids at your age beginning to have sex, others are choosing to only masturbate to take care of their urges. It is an awfully young age at which to begin having sex. It best to have sex not because you are curious what it might be like, but because you have a great sexual attraction to the young man in question. If you are determined to do this...do it only because you want to, not because he wants you to. do not have sex in hopes that it will help you to keep him as a boyfriend instead of him leaving you. At your age range, no matter what , relationships last an average of 5-6 months or so statistics say. So having sex to keep someone for a few months longer just doesn't make sense. If you decide to go ahead with it, you will need to go visit a planned parenthood for contraception. There is no age limit of how young. If this is your decision you may want to be well aware of side effects of hormonal contraceptives...read on line because if it becomes an issue, you'll need to go back and get on something else. Your body at 12 is not yet at its fully formed adult state. I cant tell what effects it may have so do please read up and get informed.
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