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In love with him...
So I met this guy on a website specifically for writing your own stories, but there are forums where you can chat to other people. They're nice people, honestly.
Anyway, I started talking to him and we have a ton in common. The first night he asked me about my secrets, and thinking I'd never talk to him again, I told him everything. And he listened the whole time and he didn't judge. He cared. And then he told me some of his secrets. And i listened and cared and didn't judge.
A couple days after that, we were talking about relationships and love and he suddenly asked me who i liked. I didn't even think he cared. I tried to dodge his question, because in truth, I had started to like him as more than just a friend. And i know thats weird because it's moving so fast, but i honestly don't care. You love who you love.
So near the end of the bombardment of questions he shot at me, he said, "Obviously it's me." And i said, "How?" and he went on to explain how defensive i was of it and how the answers kind of described him. And then he told me he liked me back,and i was so excited.
Until he said he wanted to keep it a secret and not tell anyone.
Honestly I still want to be with him, even though he wants to keep our relationship a secret.
But there's a problem. See, he lives in England and I live in the States. That kinda complicates things. I just wish he didn't live so far away.
I want advice on how to handle this and if i should even attempt a relationship. Please? Anything would be helpful.
Oh and I'm 15, a female :)
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He's acting like a manipulative jackass.
Maybe you do love him. I don't know, but I can tell you, based on a bit more life experience, that this guy is playing you and preying on you.
It's okay to feel love and enjoy the company of a guy who is a behaving like a jackass. This will probably not be the first nasty person who touches your heart. But let's call a spade a spade: This guy is up to no good.
He is not sincere. In fact, he sounds like he as a serious game-plan: The constant questions, the desire for immediate secret-sharing and intimacy, the clear, confident insistence that you like him. This guy is a pusher, and he's the kind of person who is likely to try and push you into other forms of false intimacy as well - Things like sending him nude photos.
The behavoir you've describe so far, from the demanding personal questions to the 'let's keep it secret', paints a very ugly picture of this guy and actually makes me skeptical that he is even who he claims to be. Think about why he even bothered to insist it be a secret? You are in America - He could have easily kept it a secret from everyone he actually knows even if you told everyone you did! So who is he hiding it from? Why not take it slowly if he wanted to feel things out with you? Why jump all in, so quickly, but keep it secret?
This isn't the behavoir of someone who is sincere and serious in their affections. This is the behavoir of someone who knows how to get in deep and fast, and how to manipulate another person into going in deep and fast too.
This isn't a relationship. Not Yet. More importantly, it's unlikely to ever be one. You are 15. Without the freedom or the ability to travel to see him - for years. You can't do anything of the things that build real and lasting trust and respect between two people. Plus, as I've said before, he's behaving like a jackass.
You might think I'm being unfair, but I'm pretty damn sure about this. Whatever you decide, please keep yourself safe. Don't give this guy sexual photos or stories, and don't give him personal information like a phone number or address. Don't be confused by his intimate and confident behavoir: He's a virtual stranger to you. Be on guard.
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You're not in love with him.
Its down to psychology, you see, he lives in England, and it takes us hours and hours to cross the pond and get over to you in America.
So its IMPOSSIBLE as your both too young to fly on your own, to see him in person. The fact you cant have him, due to travel issues, makes you want him more.
My inkling is that you have lots of hormones swirling round your body, and so you're ovs going to react this way when someone flatters you.
The same goes for him as well.
In America, you date more than one person at a time, whereas here in Britain, we only date one person at a time. So for this reason, the fact you're showing your interest probably means he feels more closer to you than you do to him.
Realistically, this relationship at the moment isn't a relationship, its a cyber relationship-not a healthy basis for it to flourish.
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You don't love him, There is a big difference between love and being flattered. This kid you have met through a website.
A person cannot truly know someone by talking to them over a computer. One says a lot by engaging in conversation in person as we appear differently between the two.
Also, This kid lives miles and miles away from you. Realistically, It won't work.
He is a potential online friend, Even so be careful just how much information you give out to strangers.
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These are hard to answer because I've never dated a guy I've never personally met. Most times I hear stories like this, sometimes they lie about who they really are.
I don't believe you can love someone you've never met. Maybe love them as a person but not be in love with them. Only because you don't see who they are. Everything you know about them is what he decides to tell you. If that makes any sense. You don't see who he is when he's with his friends or with his family. You don't know how well he works and how honest he is with other people.
Anyways, that's just my opinion and maybe I'm wrong.
So I won't go ranting about that, but the way to actually be in a long distance relationship is to have a long term goal. The thing is, you'd have to wait years to see him. Being 15, that makes it so much harder. On top of that, he doesn't like you enough to admit to having a relationship with you. Unless he has another reason as to why he wants to keep this relationship a secret and just between the two of you?
I don't know, you didn't go into detail on that part.
If you attempt to have a relationship with him, you'd have to have a lot of patience. When you actually meet him, you'll have to start at square one again.
I've seen some couples who finally met each other and it was awkward for quite a while. You'd be putting off dating other guys for a guy in another country.
I believe long distance relationships can work but they are really hard.
So my advice would to not pursue, for the reason that you're 15 and have so many more years for boys. There could be more chances and learning to date is fun when you're in high school but it's not as much fun when your boyfriend lives far away.
Anyways, good luck and I hope everything works out for you!
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