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I am so forever alone :'(
I am 14/f. I am totally depressed on the matter of not getting friends In school. In my earlier school people used to think I am weird and some rude ones even said it on my face. They used to gossip about me but my mom soon changed my school and I was so happy for it. In my new school, I expected friends but here also people kind of at times ignore me and gossip about me. I can feel the hate about me in some people's faces and I really feel bad about it. I am the kind of person who likes having a lot of fun and friends but unfortunately I never get them. I have like only 3 friends outside but not in school. There is only one girl who actually talks to me but just to use me to do her work. I always try to talk and get in conversations but no one talks too me really. I feels so alone and hopeless. I really want friends but don't know how?? And this is the second time I am going thought this so I hate school but I have this question in mind: why don't I get friends in school??
I really want to talk to some one nice about this and get good advice. It would be nice if someone gave me!!
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I used to be the same way as you except when I changed schools I suddenly had a lot of friends. I'm 15 right now and when I was 12 I was terribly bullied and I had like zero friends. If you ever need a friend to talk to I am here for you cuz honestly I wish that I could of had someone back then to make this time easier for me. I'm pretty experienced in this area and if you ever need any advice just ask
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High school can be hard when you're trying to make new friends.
People gossip because they are insecure and feel the need to make themselves feel better so they pick on people who don't stand up for themselves or won't get all mad about it.
I'm assuming when you find out people are saying mean things, you don't do anything about it right?
I do think you should talk to a counselor. They could definitely help since they see you in person and can guide you in the right direction on how to make new friends.
I also suggest like joining clubs you're interested in. It will help you find friends easier because they already like the same things you do.
Don't do work for other people, that's unfair to you and will make you feel like crap. They need to grow up and do their own work.
I'm sure once you start talking to new people, you'll find someone who will click with you. Not everyone is a jerk.
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Hon its really hard to know what you may be doing that turns off people towards you since you say its happening in a new school now.
I am curious about Mom. This makes me think you made her aware of the situation so she changed schools for you. She obviously loves and cares much about what you are going through.
Maybe Mom though is too close to you, having raised you and being with you day after day to not notice behavior that might put off people from approaching you because to her, it is normal since you've always been that way.
You mention always trying to talk to others so it can't be shyness that is the problem. If the 3 friends don't like to be seen in school with you but really truly like you otherwise, I'd say its time to find out what is going on and if it is something you can change or not.
You might mention to Mom that you have the same problems at the next school so you are wondering if there's something you are not aware you're doing that makes people avoid you. See what she has to say. If she hasn't a clue, its a good idea to get mom on board about see a school counselor and/or school psychologist. They need to know this happened before at the previous school and is now happening again. You just want to be tested to rule out that it isnt something you are doing. If they do discover a behavioral syndrome that does affect socializing, it won't go away as you grow up and must be addressed. One example that comes to mind is Aspergers syndrome. I did not learn what it was until somewhere in the last 5 years. Looking back, I had a friend in high school who was like that. She didn't have all the characteristics of aspergers but a big one was the "talking at me" rather than conversing with me.
If they find nothing wrong with you, great, its just a matter of waiting for the school kids to grow up. But if knowledge helps you to better understand and know what to do that helps, its worth it.
Sweetie, look at Aspergers on line. It is relatively unknown yet in many circles. The reason why is that people with Aspergers syndrome can easily blend in to society and don't stand out until they try to converse with people. If its not that and something similar, just knowing how to work with and around whatever it is,
will help you lots in having a more normal social life.
To instill hope in you: I know an adult woman who knows she has Aspergers. She recently went back to school to get a counseling degree and she is one on a team of counselors at one of the local mental health agencies. Good luck.!
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I'm 28 now, but remember how I felt at your age. High school is a tough time for lots of kids, especially in the beginning. When people make fun of others, it's because of their own insecurity. Unfortunately, a lot of high school students are insecure and looking to be "cool" and fit in, even if it means putting other people down. I used to feel like I was pretty anonymous in high school- I didn't get made fun of, but I never fit in. In fact, I didn't want to, because I thought that would mean being someone I'm not. In retrospect, not everyone in high school was a shallow a-hole, but lots of people were. You are probably getting made fun of for the same reasons: some students in your high school are insecure and judgmental, and feed off of putting other people down so they can feel better about themselves. Also, some girls can be cruel by saying really mean things and gossiping. Again, it is all tied into insecurity.
My advice to you is to write down or make a mental note of the following:
-What are your hobbies?
-What kinds of people are you interested in talking to?
-Who can you turn to for advice? Maybe a trusted adult, or school counselor?
As for your hobbies and types of people you're into, think of maybe joining a school club or taking part in extracurricular activities, where you can make new friends and do things you enjoy. That can give you more confidence, and help you surround yourself with people you like to hang out with. I would also suggest talking to a school counselor about this, since they are there to help students get through tough times. Your counselor can be supportive, and give you more advice on what you can do. They can be a person who you can just vent to, when you feel the need....it's healthier than feeling overwhelmed and depressed.
Also, for the one girl who uses you to do her work for her. You need to let her know that it isn't fair to you to do her work for her, and that if she needs help with work, she can always find a tutor to help her out. If she is respectful to you, she will agree, and maybe only talk to you as a friend, not as someone who will do her homework for her. If not, let her go. You need to focus on surrounding yourself with people who like you as a friend, and nothing more.
Also, one last thing, be true to yourself. Don't just hang around people you don't like just so you can have company. It's best to make an effort to meet likeminded people who you can truly consider as friends. It won't happen overnight, but if you take the right steps, you'll make new friends. I know high school is tough and the things people say hurt, but remember, some kids are insecure, immature, and just plain mean. Be glad that you aren't like them :)
Feel free to reach out if you need more advice.
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