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humorist-workshop
Is this being assertive or plain rude?
17/f
I used to really take it to heart when people said something bad about me, but all of a sudden now I don't anymore.
If people physically are immature-like locking me in a room for a few minutes (me the other day) from somewhere now I just shout at them.
Also, in class if someone's nasty I'll respond back-just like say 'well that's not true'.
You see before I'd ignore comments but be angry when I got home that I did not stand up for myself but now I am doing I feel its to much.
So my question is how to be assertive but not look like an idiot eg.shouting my head off.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Etiquette?
To be more assertive the next time somebody says something to you say what? If they repeat what they said they just followed your orders and that puts you in charge. Now the balls in your Court. And when they say the insult just say so. Or that's nice or nobody really cares about that. And then ignore them the rest of the time you're together like you can't hear them
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I am trying to imagine how you can get locked up in a room even a few minutes during the school day. We are talking high school here aren't we...not grade school? Where were the adults when this was happening. It may be maddening for you but no big deal otherwise. Imagine them doing the same to another kid who has phobia's. If they pushed a kid with claustrophobia into a closet and held them trapped there for a couple minutes, those few minutes would traumatize them so badly they might have to change schools.
There are laws that teachers can not touch your body in any way, not even a friendly hug. This is to protect you from teachers who may not be innocent and want to take advantage of you. Similarly, students should not be able to lay hands on any other student. I hardly think you willingly walked into the room or closet they locked you in. You likely resisted and they put hands on you and dragged you in.
That Is Bullying! In an age when teens are commiting suicide because they are being tortured verbally or physically beyond what they can handle, parents and school administrators are beginning to take attention and do what they can to stamp Bullying out.
Some kids will have a tougher hide than others. It is good to learn to not take things personally all the time. I told my kids growing up that kids who verbally abuse other kids most likely have a poor home life. Either they are ignored, not loved enough or they themselves are verbally abused or more. I explained this so my kids could feel for the abusers and not hate them. But at the same time, you can ignore comments only so much. Occasional comments are easy to ignore. If its a constant battering of abusive comments, there's a chance that professionals will see that as bordering on bullying. Read up on what bullying is.
Cute comebacks will not be very successful at your age because your peers have yet to grow and mature the part of the brain that handles knowing what is proper and improper behavior. It doesn't mature until into your 20's So your words likely will not have any effect, no more than they would if you were trying to communicate in english to a non english speaking person. I tried using logic on kids in school when i was teased. It did not work. Finally in last year of high school one girls brain matured enough that she realized how she had treated me was wrong and she apologized to me. There are versions of this going on in adult life too. I tried logic with a verbally abusive husband but it only irritated him more. He had some kind of mental illness that he didnt think he had..so untreated it continued to slowly get worse over the years. Something like that, a person can choose to walk away from and never go back. None of us deserves to be treated in any manner other than a loving caring one. You will choose wisely who you associate with in life because of this. In school, you can't walk away from it. Do learn how to be assertive in life. But right now, I'd talk to a school counselor and find out if they consider this bullying or not. If not, what constructive ways do they have to suggest you use to deal with the other students. I know this will make you look bad in classmates eyes...a squealer. Right now you are an angry one...some get depressed, some end their lives over it. I'd say being considered a squealer or a rat is preferrable to the other options.
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Dear Is this being assertive,
Bullying is crime. Locking you up in a room seems like bullying to me.
You can let it happen or stand up and say stop it!
Yelling is never a good thing. You can be assertive by reporting the behavior to a teacher, or an adult in your home or the authorities.
Another way to be assertive is my way of doing things, that is to say WHATEVER in their face, and walk away from it. Then get yourself a good punching bag and take out your frustrations on it.
Then there is my mother's way of being assertive and getting people to leave you alone. Tricks and other pranks that leave the bullying parties feeling stupid, embarrassed and wanting to hide.
My mother's way of doing things involved itching powder on toilet paper and Tabasco sauce in their sandwiches.
My mother's way of getting assertive is just another form of bullying and can cause pain. Not only that it seems to work at getting the bully even more angry.
I have found that walking away works the best. Make sure you have some outlet for your frustrations until you can more adequately deal with the insane behaviors around you.
Good Luck!!
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My dad always used the phrase "Raise your arguement not your voice."
It basically means you dont need to shout to put someone down- what you need is some quick, witty comebacks, and you'll have no need to shout, and you wont look like an idiot.
Just search the internet some for inspiration. If you want to come off real classy and smart (which annoys people a lot) try not to use shouting or swear words.
There are some comebacks that generally work for everything. And no, dont lower yourself to the usual "your mom".
(Unless theyre a moron who really isnt worth your time. Only then you can say "So what? Your moms a... >insert insult here<")
Once, a woman complained to the British PM Winston Churchill and said: "You must be drunk."
and he replied: "And you are ugly, but tommorrow I will be sober."
this was in the 1940s but ---OH SNAP!
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