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Is my marriage worth fighting for?
Hi, so I'm a gay male. I've been married for only half a year. My husband and I had been together and deeply in love for a year before we got married. But he's changed a lot in the past couple months. (Ever since we said the I do) he temper has gotten awful, all we do is fight. He doesn't want to allow me to dress how I used to. Doesn't let me see friends. He won't let me go back to school or get a vehicle of my own. He talks to other guys online. Tells people how much he hates me. But to my face he says he loves me and cares about me. Our fights start about any little thing you can think of, and blow out of proportion and turn into huge fights. I've heard that the first 5 years are supposed to be the best but the first 5 months have been an emotional roller coaster. He loves me one day and hates me the next. The only time I get attention is right before bed and only if he wants sex. Other than that I just don't matter until he needs money or cigarettes. He won't get a job. I pay for all of his expenses. Including the car (that is not mine) that he "lets" me drive to work. I feel he may have cheated. He leaves with his friends and doesnt ever let me know where he is when im at work, and gets mad if i ever want to go out. hes really isolated me from my friends and family. He's extremely controlling and mentally abusive. He's basically destroying me. And I just don't know if I should keep trying anymore. He used to treat me like gold. Now I'm just dirt on his boots. Happy valentines day-
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When I come across a post like this I try so hard to remain impartial. I usually say how it isn't all black and white and that there are shades of grey with everything but for the first time, I must say I do not think your husband is being fair to you at all.
In an attempt to be fair to him I will ask to you to consider some kind of couples' counselling before you make any decisions.
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Leave him.
You've described text-book abuse. It sounds like you also know this is a text-book case of abuse.
Call a domestic abuse survivors hotline if you need some support, or some idea of 'how' to make that next step, but you already know this isn't worth fighting for.
There are lots of supports out there for victims of domestic abuse, but there is also hotline especially for gay and lesbian victims. I don't know much about it, but if you don't feel comfortable about contacting one of the major hotlines, you could start there instead.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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Hun
This marriage is abusive, controlling and probably even a bit manipulative. Someone who loves somebody will treat them right and respect them, Your husband does not own you and you are not his object.
Yes, This marriage needs to end. It is not healthy and you do not deserve that.
1, You need to stop making payments on his car. The car belongs to him it is his responsibility not yours.
2, I personally would not want to sleep in the same bed as someone who treats me so little.
You deserve way better
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I'm sorry you are having a rotten valentines day!
Everything you have mentioned are all big time warning flags that you are in an abusive relationship. Keeping you from friends & or family, being controlling, not allowing you to go to school.
As much as I hate to see relationships end, I really don't think you are in a relationship that is healthy for you. You are being abused mentally right now, I am afraid it could escalate into physical abuse if you stay. You really should not be putting up with any of his behavior.
I suggest you find yourself a new place & start fresh. I know it will be hard to do. I can't with good conscious tell you to stay and work on this. It just has all the warning flags of him being an abuser. Should you decide to stay anyway, please, find a friend to confide in & have a safe place to run to.
Good luck
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