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I feel like an invisible dummy
There is this school I go to. I have great friends but there are times when I feel out of place, unwanted and down right lonely. My passion that EVERYBODY KNOWS is between writing and drawing. But my secret passions are dancing and singing. In this school they specialize in science and math. I am terrible at math but I really want to stay in the school because of my friends. Today I saw my crush walk up to receive his award for 1st place in one of the categories in the science fair...with a partner. They're "best friends" but a lot of people believe they should be together. I do too...but you know, sometimes you can't help the few stabs you feel in your heart right? Plus most of my friends are brains and are just amazing in so many ways...my problem is...that I honestly don't know my place or what my problem is. I don't know who I am, who I am supposed to be or who I want to be. Just the shy, introverted, innocent and naive girl who likes writing and drawing...or the bubbly, wild, random dancer, singer and writer?
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Trust me on this, nearly all teenagers think that everyone else is confident, happy and well rounded but very few of them actually are. Pretty much everyone feels alienated ("nobody understands me!!!) at some point in their teens too, so don't worry about it too much. If you are really feeling down my best advice is to do some volunteering or just some random good deeds -its the easiest way to feel good about yourself and other people.
As for which direction to pursue - that of an introvert or extrovert - well from a psychological perspective the happiest and most balanced personalities are an equal mix of both - so I think you dilemma shows that you have a great future! Don't "pigeon-hole" yourself, explore everything that interests you and most importantly don't let peer approval play any part in your decisions
Finally I have to say - stop keeping your passions secret from your friends!!! If they don't like it they are not your friends.
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Don't feel stupid because you're not talented in the sciences. Any smart person will realize that we can't all be engineers and neurosurgeons: we need the arts to lighten up the world. I've known plenty of brilliant people whose talents lie on the artistic side. So don't be down on yourself for that.
What it all boils down to is that you are who you are. High school is a difficult time in which to figure that out: you're confronted by too many pressures and peer pressures. As you grow a little older, you'll start to see a more concrete "you" forming. I know that doesn't help you now, but if I'd known that at your age I would have been a lot less panicky.
It's not like you have to fit a stereotype, either. Why can't you be the quiet artistic type who really lets loose on stage? Or the bubbly, extroverted singer and dancer who has a quiet side to her? Contrary to what high school would lead you to believe, you don't have to fit into one slot and one slot only. Just like your "brain" friends are amazing in many ways, you are too. Just do what comes naturally to you.
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Hey,you're an artist. Not only can you draw and write, but you can also sing and dance!!.And that's even cooler than being some math genius or whatever. So don't stop trying to be who you really are. Instead, make everybody notice it. Your friends at least. I love drawing as well;and I believe it's one of the most wonderful and interesting gifts any person could have. Cheer up! And be proud of yourself.
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