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My Friend is Keeping it Quiet
I am 14/f. My best friend ( we will call her Jane) is being abused at home. We have told the counselors about it and i went with her for support. The woman who is abusing her is her dads girlfriend of 6 years who is still married to her ex husband. She is the one who is abusing her. She leaves deep nail marks that draw blood all over Jane's arms and neck> SHe drags her around the house by her hair and throws her around. It has made her head bleed. After we talked to the counselor, Jane was deathly afraid to go home. She was scared that her dad's gf would find out that she told. Long story short, she went home to a house full of enraged adults. Her parents called her a little sh** and carried her off the ground by her hair. She went up to the counselor today and told her and the social worker that everything was perfectly fine, but i knew that it wasn't, so i went and told the counselor everything that Jane had told me after she went home that day. Now she's really mad at me. She says she just wants everything to go away but i know that it wont just up and disappear. How can i help her? i cant just do nothing and watch my friend suffer.
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I would invite her to stay with you... If you haven't already you should tell your parents and ask them what to do.
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I know that it is hard to just watch this happen, but you have done all you can do for Jane. You did the right thing by going to the counselors even though it might not seem that way right now. She will come around in time. Right now I think she is just scared and the best thing you can do for her is to let her know you're there and help her get through this. This is a very tough situation you are in right now and i'm sorry that you are stuck in this position. I wish you and Jane the best of luck. Take care.
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Firstly, let me begin by saying that your concern for Jane is beautiful and she's lucky to have you. I'm the long run Jane will love you for telling the counsellor about the things she didn't have the courage to.
If you haven't already, tell the social worker about the condition and work with them (the counsellor and social worker) to finding a remedy for Jane, who most definitely needs it.
Also in addition to this you could help her spend lesser time at home with her dads girlfriend, as long as it doesn't worsen the situation. The more time she spends away, the lesser time she will have to be physically abused.
Try and get the attention of CPS through the social worker, it could do wonders!
Hope I've helped you and Jane, hope that she finds a better home and happiness :)
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To be honest I was just like jane*wanting to keep quiet* except I was sexually abused anyway my best friend got me to talk and I'm ok now :) u are a good friend for wanting to help and protect her. She might be mad at you now but she won't be once its done. Your only option is to tell the police because she is suffering and they can put her in hospital or even worse death pls take this advice and tell the police she won't be mad forever
Hope I helped and goodluck
~michaela~
Xx
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You are being a good friend I am proud of you for wanting to protect her.
This needs to be made a police matter. Child abuse, is a very serious matter one the police will definitely file charges for and make arrests.
I think the best way to go about this is the next time you see Jane all bruised is to take her to your home so your parents can see her bruises. They should then call 911 and ask for the police. If your parents are not home and they won't be home for sometime call 911(you are old enough and always have been old enough to call 911 if you are or anyone else is in trouble). Ask for an ambulance to come and take care of your friends injuries. The call taker will ask how your fried was injured and you should tell them. This will also trigger a police response.
The police have much more power to investigate than child protective services(CPS). Your friend will be taken to a hospital where a doctor will examine her. Old bruises and injuries will be found and documented. Her parents can't stop the police from doing so as your friend will be in protective custody of the police. This is the difference between the police investigating and child protective service. The police can investigate now when the bruising from the latest incident is fresh. Where CPS needs a court order.
Will your friend get made at you for doing so. Possibly. Fact is I would rather she be made at you and maybe stay mad at you for a long, long time rather than the possible alternatives which just the thought of are very unpleasant. The type of abuse she is receiving can escalate to the point that she ends up hospitalized for serious life-threatening injuries or worse dying from them.
As a first responder with a county fire department I have unfortunately seen this first hand. By intervening, even against your friends wishes you just may be saving her life.
Do not discuss this with Jane. Do not tell her you are going to do this or she will try to hide these things from you. Just take the action I suggest when and if it happens again. If you wish to discuss this with anyone I suggest you do so with your parents. IF CPS cannot protect your friend then the only service that can is the police.
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Jane needs to take picture of her injuries and go to the police. You are a great friend for supporting her. You can let your parents also become aware of the situation. Talk to your friend and let her know that it is okay to tell, she needs too tell.
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First off, id like to say that you did the right thing so don't feel at all guilty! Second off, let your friend know that you care about her a lot and that's why you felt the need to tell. Ask her what she would have done in your situation. Then ask her what you can do to help.
I'd start off with something like....
"Jane, I'm sorry that you're mad at me, but because I care about you so much, I felt I needed to do something to stop you from hurting. I know that you would have done the same for me. If there is anything I can do to make things better between us or anything I can do to help you through this tough time please let me know."
If she doesn't open up or is still mad at you then try giving her some space. She will come to you when she's ready. It sounds like she's going through a lot right now and it's probably very hard for her to open up.
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