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I always feel a bit taken advantage of...
19F 21M
So I have been dating this guy for nearly a year. It has always been the way it is. I have just always tried harder. Our first date I offered to pay because he was out of work at the time. Over the summer I worked a lot more at my job and was getting bigger checks. He would take me out to a movie once a month maybe twice after he started working. But I would loan him money like 50-100 because he would go without food for a day or two sometimes and needed money to hold him over. Well he is on his feet now and I am proud that we stuck through that together. He has a place and his own car and has gotten 2 promotions at work. I always feel a bit taken advantage of though. I usually make him dinner since when he gets home he is exhausted. I watch his little boy when he has to run out. I don't mind it because I love him. I took him out to a really expensive dinner to this fancy sea food place and spent quite a bit of money. If I want to go out I end up having to be the one to suggest it and pay for it or it won't happen. The last time he paid for a date was back in September. I just feel like put in more effort. Lately He has been low on cash and I have been buying him lunch. He won't talk to me all day until he wants food. I give him the cash and then he stops talking to me again. I try so hard to keep it interesting and happy but he never does anything back for me. He didn't do anything for Christmas for me and keeps telling me he will take me out and doesn't. But he always buys himself toys and video games and goes out to the bar. How can I bring it up to him that I feel like he doesn't try? How can I make him want to? I really need help I feel like giving up but we have been through a lot I love his son and family so much and I genuinely love him as well. Advice or anything is appreciated.
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Hey ,
This sounds a lot like my sisters ex very tight with money and cares only about himself . I am a guy 24 and I would never let a girl pay for anything let alone dinner , this saddens me as from what I have read you sound like a amazing girlfriend really , you only have to read your story yourself to see that this guy has taken advantage of you . My sister was in the Same situation with her ex they been together for 4 years she told him on many occasions to change and he never did in the end she had to leave him even tho she loved him it just didn't work he was very selfish and couldn't see anything wrong with what he was doing ." NO" way should a guy be like this towards you , i would appreciate someone like you buy you gifts take you out and pay for it all . And never ask to borrow money even if I needed it I couldn't borrow money and let the women pay for everything that would eat me up inside . I think you should think about leaving this guy he is selfish and sounds like he doesn't see what a amazing girlfriend he has . Any guy would be lucky to have you but you hurt yourself staying with a guy who really dose not care if he did he would take you out without you having to ask him and he would pay for it all that's how a guy should be . Good luck
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Seriously peeps, if you are going to answer advice stop the BS and tell it like it is. You are not being taking advantage of a little, but more like ALOT. Come one. Think about it. You are paying for everything, sacrificing your time, your energy, etc for him. He has a kid that you are taking care of and he has time to go buy video games. No wonder why you feel unappreciated. I agree with the first answer. You are what we call an enabler. That means you continue to let this happen, by continuously contributing to it. You should stop giving him money. Yes there are ways you guys can work on things together like starting a savings jar. But really, you need to focus on school and your career if that's what you want, because the way things are going you are not happy. So it's either drastic changes need to happen or you need to move on for yourself. Or you can also just let things stay the way they are and just become another idiot who lost to the game of life.
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Have you thought to try not spending money on him? Why should you take him out to fancy dinners when you know you get nothing in return?
I don't know how you can make him want to try to meet you halfway, here, because to be honest, if he wanted to he would be already.
You've got him spoiled, I think.
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By the sounds of it, you are being taken advantage of a bit. If you keep helping him out by giving him money, watching his Son, taking him out.. doing things for him with nothing in return, he'll never learn. You need to let him know you feel taken advantage of Now. Not by saying he sucks or never does anything, but by mentioning that you like it when a guy helps out, offers to pay, or does sweet things for you. Frankly, I feel he has the money and time to treat you like his girlfriend, he just chooses to spend it on his amusement - video games and alcohol instead. There is a point when you need to tell a guy that the connection is lacking and he needs to help pick it up, not only for you, but for his sake as well.
You can make him want to try by encouraging him. Whenever he does do something for you (even if it's little, like kissing you or doing dishes) thank him. When he buys himself toys, mention that you were hoping you could buy something together for the both of you next time and when he drinks, let him know that you love it when he stays home and spends time with you instead. By suggesting these things to him, you let him know you care and want him to care more by doing things that will benefit the both of you.
One thing I thought of that may help you guys, is having a savings jar. Everytime either of you get paid, both be required to put $20 or so in the jar at the same time and not touch it until it reaches a certain amount. Keep track on a paper how much each of you has put in, that way one person doesn't pay more than the other and you know how much money is being put in. Then, when it reaches the agreed amount, decide on something you both can do to make your lifes happier or easier together; Such as, buying food for everyone or having a movie night with popcorn/treats for the two of you. Moral of the story is, if he loves you as much as you love him he should be willing to try anything. If he does not oblige at first, just keep encouraging him. He will do the same once he realizes what it feels like to have praise himself. Honestly I believe a relationship has to work both ways - it cannot be a one way street. Not to mention, he is older than you so he should have a little more responsibility... Wake him up by letting him know how you feel and things should start to turn around. Trust me <3
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