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is this poem ok?
Hi, i'm Meg, i am 13 and LOVE writing. This is a poem i wrote for a loved one,tell me what you think please.
The darkness attacks at the mention of your name
The ache in my heart strikes once again
I remember the times we would sing and dance
Then not saying 'I love you' one last chance
will you think of me wherever you are?
Pillow fights,cuddles,air guitar?
I need you,please come back from our part
Take the pieces and fix my heart.
You went to early we were unprepared
It left us sad,full of sorrow and scared.
He lies here now as cute as a lamb
The grandchild you never met, You'de be proud of him Nan.
RIP Nan. I'll never stop loving you,your the wind beneath my wings. xx
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I write a lot of poetry - i love it.
This is brilliant. At first i though maybe your best friend had gone - Then i read it was about your nan -
And it makes sense, as if your nan was your best friend.
I love it. keep it up :D
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Hey,
Yeh it's such a nice poem!
Good use of adjectives, similies, metaphors and the air guitar/cuddles bit is nice as. a kind of juxstapostion
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Coherent, controlled and with an economy of words which is impressive at an age where the tendency is to 'go on a bit' and clutter the whole issue up with too much information. Yes I like it. Mature, clean and modern style. Few grammatical errors, but that's only criticising your execution...not the vision and concept. Which I like. The result of a personal loss? Can you empathise with someone elses
loss? One that hasn't touched you personally, and produce something like this? If you can, stick with the writing...for sure!
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Only a few mistakes but I'm proud of you , really . Always have passion in writing , and improve each and every day .
Great poem Meg ^_^ Keep on going !
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Yes i loved it all but when you said the line "Pillow fights,cuddles,air guitar?" everything is so peaceful and sweet untill that line it brings fun into it i feel like it should be changed..i see your point for rhyimg with the are before it in the last line that was done..but maybe try to thing on something more peaceful to put there. may try this out since you just ended with asking "will you think of me wherever you are?" put there Even if i'm sitting in a car? or put Even when i'm sitting in a car?....runns more clearly and makes since because the poem had just said will you think of me whereever you are?
I loved the poem though it was great! You can take the advice or not...it would be great anyway..i had just thought it made more since...good luck and great job!(:
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Very nice, very detailed.
This poem is worded nicely. Once the grammar is fixed a bit you should consider posting it in Obituaries in the local paper.
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