|
How do I get him to put more effort in?
F/16
I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 months now, we've been really good together but lately he's been acting a bit cold. He doesn't text me that often anymore, or when he does... It's always me texting and starting the conversation first, he's acting like he's not interested anymore. I will admit, I'm telling him what to do, well not necessarly telling him. But whenever he does something I don't like, whether it's hanging with girls or speaking to them etc, I tend to go moody and be really stressy. I have no idea what to do, I've tried to ask him if I've done anything wrong but he says I haven't and goes back to being cold. He's never affectionate towards me anymore, I never hear the words "I love you" unless it's me saying it and then he obviously says it back. I have no idea on what to do, I know you can't make someone stay when they want to leave but he's not said he doesn't want to be with me anymore, but that's how it feels. I don't want to lose him, I really don't, but I'll give it another month and I feel as though I will have lost him by then. Coming from a male themselves, and obviously a female, can you both give me your opinions on why he's gone cold and what I should do to over come this? I'd really appreciate it.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If you look at your question objectively, it shows that you're a pretty insecure individual.
Look, relationships are built on trust. By in effect accusing him of having something in mind that he may, in fact, not, you are issuing an undeserved slander on his character. How would you feel if he did the same thing to you?
Your insecurity here is also that you feel he is no longer as attentive to you as he once was. Well, if he feels like any communication with you will result in you somehow guilt tripping him, how would that NOT make him hesitant to keep dealing with you?
If you want to save this relationship, you will first apologize to him and say that you will trust him until you get some evidence that he is doing something wrong. Second, you will stop overthinking. Guys are linear, simple thinkers. Don't create crises out of thin air.
Both of you are in the exploratory phase of your life and that he might want to talk to other girls isn't a surprise. It does NOT mean he has one foot out the door or he will cheat on you. Indeed, he may be getting input from them on how to make his relationship with you better or seeing how they react to certain gambits so that he can then use them with you.
Finally, you have to deal with the natural fact that guys just are not as verbal as girls. That goes back to how guys are raised and bond with each other. Don't try to force him to be something he isn't. Moreover, after a couple of months, guys are feeling kind of talked out and relationships anyway start hitting that kind of middle phase where the initial heat kind of dies down and you are in a situation where you're comfortable with each other and guys don't feel the need or desire to act as hot for you as they did in the past. This will happen in all of your relationships. The way to deal with it is to just be glad he is in your life and you have somebody to love and, hopefully, he will feel the same way.
But as things stand right now, you're a pain in the butt. Relax! Keep things simple!
]
I've been in your situation before. I'm 22 and in a relationship with a guy and he tried the same thing when we first started dated. About a month in it was as though he wasn't really interested anymore.
The way I dealt with it, I stopped messaging him until he messaged me. I left it for a couple of days and then he messaged me asking me if I was ok and why I haven't contacted him. I told him that I never received messages from him anymore so i didn't want to message him.
It opened up a great line of communication between the two of us and we managed to talk everything out and things are good now.
I know its hard to try and start conversations with a partner about being unhappy. Especially at 16, but you need to be honest with him and yourself. If he is truly who you want to be with, then get the courage to tell him how you feel about this, but make sure you do it calmly.
Good luck, I hope you sort out your problem!
]
Your behavior is scaring him off. You don't need to say anything as your actions speak louder then words. To get all stressed and moody over his choices of hanging out with people you disapprove of is controlling. This kid has the right to have friends both male and female. If you get worked by it then you need to work on trust and jealousy. These two things will be your kiss of death in every relationship as long as you don't get over it. Loosen up and stop over reacting
]
You are still very, very young. I know it's hard but it's probably best for you to just let him go. And I don't mean to sound cruel, but I don't think you really love him, you've only been dating each other for two months, but no worries.. Extremely common :) If it's meant to be you guys will get back together. My high school sweetheart and I ended up back together seven years later, but in high school we broke up of course, dated other people, etc. I wish you the best of luck hun. If this isn't meant to be, you will find someone who is.
xoxo,
dottie4
]
More Questions: |