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my boyfriend is aggressive with me.
i love my boyfriend more than anything in this world, i can only see myself with him, but he is very aggressive, and he knows he has anger issues, but wont do anything about it, he has stopped me wearing make up, stopped me talking to friends or going out, even with my own family, he tells me im not good enough for him thats why he has to look at other girls and if i argue back , he grabs hold of my, either my neck or wrists and screams in my face, chucks me about or just punches me, the thing is he is very sstocky, im 5ft7 and i do kickboxing, so for a girl i thought i could handle myself, but he is 5ft10 and literally tripple my size, he overpowers me so much.hes not always like it though, he often cries and tells me he is going to change,but i doubt this will happen at all, he is nice when im on "the right side of him", he takes me to the cinema, for meals etc and buys me things, we spend cute weekends away together, but despite that , if i step out of line, he goes mad, puts the blame on to me, says its my fault, and the sad part about it is im actually starting to believe that its my fault why we argue. ive been warned about him , and ive been with him nearly a year.i cant find the strength to leave him, cos he always rings or texts etc if i go to leave him. what can i do? i love him so much, but i just want him to realise he cant take his anger out on me, maybe to get anger management?
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he either gets help or find someone who will respect you so you dont have to worry about doing kickboxing moves on him
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You may love him more than anything in the world and he may value you more than anything, but the hard truth is he does not love you. He doesn't. Everything is about him, nothing is about you. You aren't considered, you aren't equally thought of, your mind simply doesn't seem to matter to him.
And as long as you stay with him, that's encouragement for him to continue to mistreat and abuse you. There seems to be no negative reaction to him mistreating you aside from a loop of guilt that will likely carry on forever unless there's a change. When caught in a loop, that is the only way to show him he can't do this.
It would be hard, but I would leave him. You have the strength, it's just a matter of channeling the will to say the few words that matter, then walking away. It would be in your best interest and it would show him just how wrong it is to treat you in such a way. The quality of both of your lives would vastly improve.
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I do not understand how you can love someone who treats you like this. You can't possibly like being punched and thrown around. Neither should you let anyone, other than your parents, tell you what to wear, who you can see and talk too. He tells you,"he tells me i'm not good enough for him." What more do you need to hear from him to know you are in an abusive relationship. One that is dangerous and could cause you great physical harm.
I realize love is blind though even a blind person can see things in their mind. From what you have written taking him to anger management classes would be like leading a horse to water. You can lead the horse to water but you can't make it drink.
He has to want to change in order to change. His problems with anger management is a personality fault one that there is no cure for. He has to realize his problem; work with a professional to change himself. Then work every day for the rest of his life to keep his anger under control. On top of his anger management problems he is a controller as well.
Be your boyfriend a teenager of an adult. Asking him to over come both of the personality disorders is asking a lot of one person.Frankly that line,"i'm not good enough for him," tells me he is not truly in love with you. You are someone that is convenient and willing to take his grief.
My advice is to give him his walking papers and no matter how much he begs or promises to change you turn a deaf ear to him. You deserve a guy who will respect you and honor you. I know sounds corny but it is true. IF your looking for someone to make a life long commitment with. You want someone who respects you as a women and a partner in life.
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Hi there :) Yes you can bring him to any anger management session or anything that can enable him to manage his temper wisely . On the other hand , for how long are you going to let him empower you ? He is your boyfriend for now , but still he doesn't have any right to even lay a finger on you when it comes to anger . Open your eyes really wide . Will you accept this behaviour of his in the future ? I don't think so . Be brave and speak for yourself or (I'm really sorry for saying this) leave him . Get a guy who can appreciate you at all times and be with you through ease and pain , not ease only . Don't let him or anyone control you that bad . No one can suck the happiness out of you , remember that ! Start now or you'll suffer later . Don't let this problem last long for it ain't a small stuff . It involves pride , love , relationship , emotions and physical , and also inner health . Stand up . If he keeps on abusing you in such a way , then leave unless he changes for good . Leaving is the option you have because through verbal communication , it seems as if he has overpowered you and he needs to respect you . If i were you , i would've left him and don't allow yourself to surrender to him ! Let me quote ' ... with my own family, he tells me im not good enough for him thats why he has to look at other girls and if i argue back , he grabs hold of my, either my neck or wrists and screams in my face, chucks me about or just punches me, ' . I'm not trying to make you rage or mad or hate him , i just want you to see the truth . That's both physical and mental effects you're gonna get if you let this stay forever . In a relationship , both of you need to give real commitment . Although you love him so much , don't lose your pride to him . Leaving is the option if he can't change :/ Widen your eyes real wide and please be brave . In this case , bravery and keeping strong are the keys . Be brave to speak up , be brave to report it to the authorities , be brave to leave and be brave to not turn back once you've made the decision . You gave him a lot of chances already . Make the choice for the best of you too , not only him . Trust me , one day your real gentleman will come to you , only a matter of time , except identity is unknown . Stop those temper . Once again , i'm so sorry if i've offenced both of you .
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