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my husband is a bisexual and I just found out after a year of marriage! What do I do?
hi ...i got married in 2011, after one year now i know that he is bisexual. i asked him when i got married whether he wae a gay..i dn't know but i some how felt so, but he managed me that nothing was wrong. after one year now i know that he is bisexual. i dn't know what to do... i love him a lot... but he did this to me. he says that he is committed to me and what ever he did was before our wedding. he had sexual relation with 50 guys it seems... for five years. i dn't know, i cant trust him... please help me....i feel like dieing.
im 26 years female, my husband is 27.
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This is pretty hard to give advice on as I'm wondering what suddenly prompt him to come out and tell you that he is bisexual? However, There is no need to do anything unless he is having second thoughts about being with you. Although he may be bisexual sure doesn't mean he loves you less.
I suppose it all depends on the situation really. Whether he is more into men, losing interest in you or having second thoughts about the marriage. Not enough detail to go on but I would talk to him .
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Well,you run the same risks of any woman with a straight husband or boyfriend,he may be feel attracted to men and yet love you with all his heart and feel attracted to you too,so what if he is a bi?what's the big difference?he's supposed to be loyal to you anyway,he could have had sex with a thousand women before when he was a single if he was a straight one and that would be ok for you?I agree with the blood test,though,like the people before me suggested,but not with what you're thinking of,he wouldn't have married you if he didn't actually like women as well.It seems to me that you are scared because you must be thinking that he's actually gay and that he's indeed concealing his true sexual orientation with you.Don't panic,relax,try to understand and trust him and be responsible when having sex.It's not the end of the world and he hasn't killed anybody either,best of luck!
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I agree entirely with Adviceman in that you two should both be tested. It's just good practice.
Part of my answer depends on whether or not his encounters with men were taking place while you two were dating. If so, then you would have some serious thinking to do about whether or not past cheating is a dealbreaker for you. You may find that you have trouble trusting him if this is the case. Whether you were to stay with him or not would be up to you.
If he stopped seeing men while dating you, and has been entirely faithful, you still have a decision to make. Yes, he did keep a very important piece of information from you until after marriage. It may not affect your future together, though.
There's this notion that people seem to have that bisexual people can't be satisfied with one partner. I can tell you from my own experience that that is entirely false. Being bisexual isn't about polyamory, it's about having a wider scope of options when you're looking for a partner. Once you've found that partner, monogamous people don't have problems with monogamy. So it is entirely possible for your husband to be happy with just you forever.
If your husband has intentions of continuing relations with others and you're not okay with that, you may need to consider leaving him. Both partners have to be on the same page. But if you are on the same page, remember that he's still the same guy you love and married. This new information doesn't have to change your view of him. Have a good talk with him about both of your expectations in your relationship, and move on from there.
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First thing you need to do is get both of you tested for STDs and HIV/AIDS. I'm sure once you have married if you are practicing safe sex it is more for birth control then disease prevention. Once you have the results of the tests you can make better decisions.
None of us can tell you what to do, only to advise you what we think and what we might do in your place. I believe it is, was, very wrong of your husband not to divulge his sexual past and preferences to you long before you accepted his marriage proposal.
His sexual preferences, together with the number of men he has had sex with, has placed you at great personal risk. To continue to keep you uninformed and practice his gay side increases that risk to you.
Had you known of his bi preferences prior to marriage would you still have married him? This is the first question you need to ask yourself. If the answer is no. Then the only direction I can see is divorce court as he has deceived you.
If the answer is yes with stipulations. Then those stipulations must be agreed to now. Whatever you may what from him in the way stipulations he must agree too.
You wrote that he said; "he is committed to me." He did not say nor does that mean he will give up his gay sex for you. Gay sex for a male is not just a matter of giving or receiving anal sex. If it were there are ways for you to satisfy both of those for him. Fact is it is a much different type of relationship. One which you will never be able to satisfy.
So even if he is willing to agree to whatever your stipulations may be. The next questions you need to answer for yourself is; "Can I trust him to live up to the stipulations?" Depending on your answer to this question is the answer to the question as to what direction you take with your marriage. Do you move forward or do you end the marriage?
You have one of the hardest decisions a married person ever has to make about their marriage. You've been lied to, miss lead and exposed to a great health risk. Is it possible to overcome all this and have a successful marriage? Only you can answer that question.
The only thing you must do now, today is get tested. If he refuses to be tested; then my advise is to move out, get tested and see a lawyer.
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