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My Sister is harming me
My sister is 3 years younger than me and she hits me and pinches me and even bites me, I have scars from her and I have considered self harm as relief from the stress she gives me. She tells my Cousin (who is 5) to harm me and he does, I feel like I can't escape. I always end up with the blame and my parents don't notice or say they don't want to hear it, if she is hurting me and I hit her to defend myself she runs crying to my parents and I always get the blame, I want it to end but I feel like I can't escape, please help!
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Xenolan is right on the money, however I've grown up with a younger bratty sister too and I fully understand your predicament. Like it or not, parents usually favour the younger of their offspring, not always, but mostly.
Firstly, there are a few things you need to understand. Point one - it doesn't matter what your relation to a particular person is, people only do to you what you allow them to. what this means is that your sister only harms you because she knows there will be no consequence from you or your parents. The only way to stop her is to implement a plan to make sure she is punished when next she misbehaves. It does not matter who enforces the consequences, just make sure she regrets it. If you are forced to use physical means then do it and take whatever your parents throw at you. Then tell them you don't care what they do to you, you have begged them for help to no avail, and if your sister tries you again then you with correct her again. Believe me they will realise the gravity of the matter and intervene. They will also start taking you seriously, so will your sister. Don't be afraid to stand up to bullshit, make a strong stand for happiness and do not give in under any circumstances. Even if your parents take her part, don't back down, let them know that you've had enough and its time they listen to you, because if they refuse you will have no choice but to defend your happiness yourself. Viva la revolucion.
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Well hitting is never the answer and just makes the situation worse in your case if your sister is abuseing you..you need to speak out to your parents show them the scars or go to somebody an show them and explain your case and If your parents won't do something about I'm sure someone else will hope this helps u (: good luck !
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It is your parents' responsibility to protect their children, even from another child who is also theirs. Clearly, they are not taking your complaints to them seriously. You must therefore try one more time to make them see the situation for what it is.
Try approaching them not right after something happens, but during a calm moment - preferably a time when your sister will not be able to interrupt (when she's at a friend's house, perhaps). Try to keep your emotions in check as you explain the situation to them. Tell them that she is hurting you and that she is encouraging others to do so, and that she will not stop when you ask her to (I'm assuming that you've tried just asking her to stop - if not, then by all means do so!). You should tell them this as well: that you don't want to see your sister punished as much as you just want this problem to be solved. I can understand that you probably DO want to see her punished, but they might write that off as "sibling rivalry" or something. Telling them that you need their help to solve a problem should get them more engaged, and it puts you in a good light by showing that you're not the one trying to hurt someone; you're trying to put a stop to it.
If you have reason to think that one of your parents will be easier to talk to about it than the other, talk to that parent alone.
If they blow it off or don't take you seriously, then ask them flat out why they should think you are lying, and/or why they think it's not a big deal that someone is hurting you. That should put them on the spot and make them realize that this is a real problem.
If they point out that you've hit your sister too, admit that you have, and tell them that you understand that's wrong and that's why you need them to step in.
Finally, if they refuse to do anything, tell them that they're giving you no choice but to start hitting her back. They won't like hearing that, and they may punish you just for saying it, but you can point out that you're begging them for help and they won't give it to you, so you have no choice but to defend yourself. SAVE THIS FOR A LAST RESORT. If you start with this, or bring it up too soon, then your parents will assume that you are the instigator, not the victim, and that you're just looking for an excuse to hit your sister.
As for your cousin, the best way to handle that will be to see to it that your cousin likes you too much to want to hurt you. He's five years old and very impressionable; if someone is telling him to hurt you and then praising him when he does, then he will keep doing it. But a positive approach has more influence than a negative one. Be a good friend to your cousin, spend time with him doing what he likes to do, and praise him for what he does well. If he hits you at your sister's urging, put him on the spot and ask him why he wants to hurt you, why he thinks it's funny, and generally make him feel uncomfortable about it. If you play your cards right, he'll soon realize that you are a better person than your sister, and he won't want to hurt you anymore.
If everything fails - if your parents won't help, and your sister keeps hurting you, and there's nothing you can do - go to your school counselor about it (obviously, this will have to wait until school starts again). Tell the counselor everything, even the part about how you feel an urge to harm yourself. The counselor is required by law to take action if an abusive situation is brought to his/her attention. It would be best if it didn't come to this, though, so do give your parents one more chance to take action. If they won't, though, then you need to get someone on your side who will.
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You do not hit her, That is wrong.
Hitting her isn't setting a good example, It's feeding into what she is doing and she will not learn from it. It is difficult to really give proper advice as you left out the age.
If she is being a brat then either sit her down and explain to her how it makes you feel when she does these things or you sit down and talk to your parents privately again about the matter. If you decide to talk to your sister you approach it with a calm voice.
Imagine for a moment, If your child was abusing another playmate how would you handle it? What would you say to the child? This is almost a similar situation only she is your sibling. If your cousin is harming you then you need to have a talk with your Aunt and again, explain in an appropriate way of how it is affecting you.
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This is a very tough situation your in. I would tell you to talk to your parents but seeing as that is not an option for you, I say you defend yourself. If you get in trouble with your parents, you let them know that your sister is hitting you first and that you were just defending yourself. But if you're a guy, I know what you go through. My sister messes with me and my other brothers because she knows we can't hit her back. Hopefully you have a video camera and maybe you'll be able to catch her hitting you and you can show it to your parents. Now the five year old is a different story. You should start putting him on time out. I know it sounds corny, but it's the only option other than hitting him which I'm sure would get you in major trouble. give him a warning and let him know that if he hits you again he is going on time out. If he does hit you again than you put him on time out according to his age (5 years old = 5 minutes on time out). If he gets back up, sit him right back down on time out and start the time over. I recommend you watch the show "Supernanny" for any additional help.
I hope this helped.
~Andrew~
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