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My dad cheated on my mom, and now I have trouble trusting men! How do I get past this?
Hi everyone!
I'm with this man now, we were on and off for about a year, but for the past month and a half we decided we cared for each other too much and really got serious. And I can honestly say I love him, which I've never felt before, he's my second serious bf but the first who ever took me out and introduced me to his friends. To me he's perfect! (though 5 years older than me, which occasionally causes trouble but we usually forget about it)
Anyway, my problem arises more so with my father, my parents never were very faithful to one another but I believe they loved each other, about 2 years ago my father cheated once again and my mother had had enough of his betrayals so wanted a divorce... This was a messy, angry divorce. My dad cut all contact from me, I had no birthday/Christmas cards and he had been telling everyone I should be making the effort to call him, as if he was the victim. This was as I was doing my A-levels and preparing for uni, so I had alot on my plate.
So basically, ever since I'd caught him cheating and seen how hurt my mother was from a younger age, it seems to have stuck with me. I can't trust men very easily, not with that at least, I'll do anything for my man, but when he is asleep, and his phone is there I have to fight every fibre of my being to not look at it, since he forbid me too really... He gave me his fb password and his phone password based on the trust that I'd not use them to snoop and I have done very well considering my history, but what I want is a way to get over the paranoia!
I haven't told him, because I know I'm being stupid and I know he loves me. He's a man that enjoys many friends and his freedom and I don't want to restrict that, but as I'm a uni student we have to spent holidays apart, and I read into the smallest thing all the time :(
Is there a way to just get over this one trust issue? without involving him too deeply preferably :) thanks
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You have to convince yourself that this guy isn't your father and hasn't done anything to make you suspect he will act that way. I think what you need to do is turn to a professional (not a therapist) and get some help to work through what happened with your father, your current relationship and how not to let that affect or influence you with this guy now. Thank goodness he's so understanding. Marry him! Someone like that is a real catch as most guys wouldn't give you that access.
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Hey there,
Okay it's completely natural to feel this way given the way your father acted.
Girls look up to their fathers as role models. Our father represents the way in which we see many other men.
The fact that your man trusts you enough to give you his fb password and phone password says an awful lot. It means he has nothing to hide right?
Which should give you some peace of mind.
I would really reconsider telling him about it if I were you. How do you know that it won't actually help?
Sharing your insecurities with your partner brings you closer together. He will be able to reassure you,and you can work on getting through it together.
That way you won't frighten him away.
But of course that is an option completely up to you.
Have you considered counselling?this could be a great way to really vent all your emotions and fears,as well as beginning to overcome your paranoia and trust issues.
Remember not all men are like your father. There are great men out there. Sometimes we just need to let our walls down just a little to allow them in. There is a risk of getting hurt of course but that risk is there with any relationship in life.You just have to take the risk.
You won't get anywhere if you don't
So please consider talking to someone about this :)
Good luck and I hope I helped
much <3
Jess 18/f
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