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I need an outsiders take on this because I'm lost
I have feelings for my coworker. We are naturally close and bonded at work because we are the two superiors for our shift. We structure a lot together and compliment one another with how we think and manage things. The big boss tried to hook us up once when we first met saying we were perfect for each other but I never said a word and neither did he. Over time our compatibility has become obvious. We laugh and joke and agree on almost everything. We really value each other and there's a lot of respect and trust between us. HOWEVER could be casual to him but for me it makes my heart jump lol. We don't hang outside of work but we do text. Mostly about work and making fun of people at our job.. There's some flirting but I don't want to jump the gun. He's so politically correct that I can't tell if he holds back bc of work or if he just sees me as a cool friend. He sometimes passes by really close to me instead of just waiting for me to move out of his way. I've also felt his hand for a brief moment while handing things to him. Felt like time stopped but for all I know he doesn't even notice. He's also about to transfer schools in the next year so I could See him holding back because of that. He is very cautious and smart about everything he does. Anything I could add to improve your understanding I'd be happy to. Thanks and hope to get some answers :)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
When two people have a work place friendship or relationship that works well at work. It is not always a good idea to try and take that relationship outside of work. Relationships or friendships of two same sex people at work stand a better chance of working outside of work as, generally, sex is not in the equation. When the relationship is of two people of opposite sexes try to take the relationship outside of work then sex comes into the relationship someplace down the line.
Two people of opposite sexes can be just friends but that is not what I'm seeing in you letter. You are looking at taking your friendship to the next level which would be a relationship. Relationships include sex and sex with a coworker is dangerous. The intimacy required for a sexual relationship can and does often show at work. It effects the way you work. It often can cause friction were before you were intimate there was no friction.
We can only make you aware of the problems that can come about. You have decide if a relationship with him is worth the possibility that you may have to change jobs if the relationship doesn't work out. Then of course is the fact that he may be changing schools. How will this effect any relationship. Will it make it just a fling or can it exist after he changes schools.
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This sounds so nice! It's like something from a book or a movie! Bless you!
Now to the advice. I generally advise people not to date co-workers. If it gets messy, it can be uncomfortable for you both, as well as other colleagues. And also, it's hard to realise how something who is resentful will act, i.e. you break up with him, he gets upset, and spreads lies about you at work.
But it's really up to you. Some places have a strict policy of not dating colleagues. But if your boss tried to get you two together, I doubt that is the policy for your place of work. By the way, what happened with that? Did it not work out, or did it not happen?
Anyway, it's hard for us to tell you whether he likes you. You could be reading way too much into these signals. And even from what you tell us, it's still hard to know. Like you say, it could just be that he thinks of you as a really cool work friend?
I think though, you should ask if he wants to do something. Like, "Have you got plans for the weekend?" him: "Not really (or whatever)" you: "Fancy doing something?" or something along those lines. But where I end "fancy doing something", suggest something. Like, "Do you want to go to the movies? The Dictator is out, as it looks hilarious". This way, he can't get too freaked out, because it *could* be a date, but it *could* also be two friends hanging out. Then, at least you can figure out what he is like out of work? And if he is interested, he will maybe make a move outside of work rather than during work.
But do ask him out. Try and meet and hang out outside of work. Also, if that fails, just tell him how you feel! Worst case: He says he doesn't feel the same. Then you just be friends, and do your job. After all, he is leaving in a while.
Good luck, Hope I helped :)
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Hi there,
Your question was already posted the first time you asked. It is located here:
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... but since I am already here... :-)
You MUST ask him about it. You know all those stories about people meeting again in their 60s-80s and getting married, since they spent their whole lives in love with each other but never spoke up? This is how all those stories started. :-)
Just ask something simple, like if he would like to get coffee (ice cream, etc, etc... just pick something you know he likes) after work sometime.
If he says yes, you are in business. If he says no, then ask him out again in a week, just in case it is a scheduling problem.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Sounds like you two are suited to one another, so make the first move. If you both stay this shy, nothing will happen, and you will end up getting married when you are 84, after living a life apart for an incredibly stupid reason: You were both to shy to make a move. :-)
I wish you well.
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