|
I AM NOT A BABBY ANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!
Hey :D 13/F. I think my mom is over protective coz I am 13 I may not 1.have a BF. 2.Sleep at my friends house. 3.Go to the mall with my friends. 4.wear high heels. 5.go to a party. I know I should enjoy her but she is making me nuts. And I don't want to tell her. Plz help
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Oh my god, my mom is super overprotective too! I'm 14 and am allowed to have a boyfriend- but I can only meet at a coffee shop with him or at one of our houses and stay in ONE place- we can't walk around or she will get mad. I'm also allowed to sleep at friends' houses, but I'm not allowed to go to the mall with my friends either! She never lets me do anything that involves freedom. I can't walk around anywhere with my friends or by myself. I can't see movies with friends. It feels like I can't do anything my friends do. It drives me nuts too because I feel like I should have the right to do these things. The best advice I can give is to talk to her- I know you don't want to, but how will anything get accomplished otherwise?- and hope that she changes her mind. Don't push for too much at one time. It sucks having overprotective parents, I know from experience. But hey, we'll be independent in a few years, do try to have as much fun within your mother's limits as you can. Sorry I can't help to much with this issue- it just stuck out to me because I feel the same way. Good luck!!!
]
Let me tell you it is tough being a parent these days. There is just so much to worry about and to protect our children from, much more then when we were children or so it seems. (Read on, I will make my point, you need the background to understand the why)
Frankly the world has not changed all that much since we were your age. What has changed is the news cycle. Meaning how fast the news of today is delivered to us. Today we have almost instant access to any event the media thinks is news worthy. Whereas when I was your age what happens today depending on how news worth it is we may have seen it in tomorrows afternoon newspaper or the following mornings newspaper.
Yes we use to get two newspapers a day. Reporters had time to flesh out a story and report facts not sensationalism as they do today. Today we get raw news and in many instances we see things as they happen. This scares Thar heck out of us especially the stories about child predators which seem to be more prevalent today.
So yes; mom is being a little over protective but maybe it is because it is not that she does not trust you; it is because she does not trust others and fears for your safety.
Going to mom and telling her that Mary or Sally's mom allows them to do these things will not win you the freedom you want. It never worked for me or any other child with over protective parents.
First of the 5 things you named forget about the high heels for now as that is something you can deal with next year when you are a little older. It won't kill you not to have high heels this year.
Of the remaining four things you want to do pick two. If I were you I would pick going to mall and a party. Then you need to present to mom a calm and reasonable case for allowing you a chance with these two.
Start with the mall. If I were you I would ask her to take you and a few friends to the mall. Ask her to let you and your friends go off on your own and that at a certain time you will meet her at a specific place to go home. Now no matter what you be at that place at that time even if your friends decide they want to check out another store. The object here is to show mom responsibility that you will be where she expects you to be when she expects you to be there.
Your object here is to get her comfortable enough that the mall is a safe enough place for you to be that she can just drop you off knowing you will be where she expects you to be when it is time to pick you up. You may have to do this a few times, but be where your expected to be when your are expected to be there.
Now as for parties or sleeping at a friends house. You are going to need to have the parents of the friend who is having the party call your mom. What mom is looking for is assurance that this is a safe place for you to be. Especially if she does not know the parents. She wants to know that they will be their to chaperone. If this is a boy girl party that they will see to it that everyone stays in the same room, that no alcohol is served. If the party will turn in to a sleep over that the boys leave before the girls change into their night clothes.
It is unfortunate that you have to teach mom to be comfortable with you growing up. But that is what is needed. What I have written above is what you need to discuss and assure your mom of if you want greater freedom. As she learns to trust your ability to stay safe she should give you more freedom.
]
Honestly, I don't see a problem with most of these. You're only 13 and she's your mother. She's only looking out for you; its what mothers do and you should respect that.
The only one I think you should be allowed to do and that you should talk to her about is going to the mall with your friends.
You need to talk to her, but you need to be calm about it. You need to show her she can trust you and that you are old enough/responsible enough to go out with your friends. You need to CALMLY tell her that you want to be allowed out with friends, because while you ARE young, you're not too young to be out enjoying time with friends.
Let her know you'll tell her where you are and who you're with at all times. Perhaps introduce her to the friends you'd be going out with and/or let your mom talk to one of their moms? Sometimes, hearing another mother's advice helps.
Best of luck!
-Laura (19-f)
]
More Questions: |