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Best friend is breaking my heart
Best friend is breaking my heart
I had a seven plus year gay relationship with my best friend in secret until recently as we have just broke up. What we had was 'friends w/benefits' which went exclusive. He is an extremely selfish person and gets tunnel vision with what he wants but he never used that side of him with me...yet. He didn't keep to the 'exclusive' bit and cheated, he then wanted to end the benefits with me and go be with a girl he was sleeping with. I wasn't too bothered about ending the benefits side but it was killing me just how much he had damaged our close relationship (as in the friends side of it) to get what he wanted. He said he really wants to be with her, but I know that that would be super arkward and painful for me at this point so I told him he would have to choose to either be with her knowing that it would be too much for me due to how they got together or to stop slowly destroying our friendship which spans 8 years of being really close best friends and try and rebuild the trust, respect, loyalty etc, which he broke. He has since choose to fix our friendship but he seems really distant, like he has no feelings of any kind towards me and doesn't seem eager to get back our friendship. It has devastated me watching as he stands by doing very little, when our friendship is hanging on by a thread and all he has to do is be himself, my best friend, not acting like we don't know each other. He thinks he can be with her and sort it with me at the same time but to me that's fair on me as due to his selfishness he will not sort us out he will just focus on her and that would make me feel really betrayed and things toward him, after he has sorted us out he can please himself. I love him and would never hurt him or see him hurting but he doesn't seem as though he cares about me or how bad I'm hurting or what's happening to our friendship, he just seems to care about the girl he wanted, when he could get whoever at a later date when we are sorted.
I just want my best friend back, I miss him so so much but he doesn't seem to care, I'm so depressed and can't stop the tears from flowing when I think of how close he was to how distant he acts with me now.
Please any advice for me or my friend would help thanks for listening.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
That sounds auffel I may be a little younger than you but I know how it feals to have your back stabbed by a friend just talk to him tell him how you feal on the problem and listen to why he acts like that
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you have complex issues:
secret gay casual sex
friendship
perhaps your buddy wasn't gay, and he only wanted to experience sex
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It seems to me as if you want to sort out your issues as ex-lovers rather than friends. You hit the nail on the head when you said he was extremely selfish and had tunnel vision. It was only a matter of time before his colors showed true towards you. Sounds like he is the same person he has always been but it's you that expects him to act differently than you already know him to be. One thing I've learned throughout my life is that friends are very seasonal. Just as fashion, oneday you're in the next day you're out. It's time you loved yourself and moved on. Your friend had no problems moving on and being happy else where now it's your turn to look in the mirror and see how much you are worth and find a friend that sees the same in you. YOur trust has been broken so even if you work things out there is only a matter of time before your heart is broken again. I know it isn't easy but you will find happiness again. This time next year you'll probably wonder what the hell you were ever worried about. THe reality is, if he is acting like he doesn't care it's probably because he doesn't. The longer you hang on to all the negativity and the what ifs and the sorting things out the longer you put off finding happiness. Why does he deserve another chance at friendship with you? Aren't you worth more than convience and lies? Hold your head up and be strong and be happy. I'm willing to bet the moment you seem over him and happy else where he will pop right back in the picture. Good luck
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Ask him to meet up with you so you can talk about it when he isn't too busy - if he does his selfish thing and doesn't want to get him there and then - to talk about it. Explain exactly what you've posted; that you miss him (both as a friend and more?), that you want to sort your friendship out, to move past the awkwardness, that you are happy for him to move on if he is (only say that if you are happy with it).
Just get him to proper listen to you, show emotion, but avoid neediness!
Have a good hug aswell, they always help! Brings people closer and more comfortable with one another.
Hope this has helped a bit! Good luck. x
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