He made me have sex with his friend, then got mad and angry when it happened! please help :( ive been crying all night i dont know what to do !
Question Posted Wednesday December 28 2011, 1:57 pm
so my boyfriend and me have been going out for 5 months now. and we never fight its great. cause were both really chill :) .... but .... :( **iam 16 years old btw. (female)
(now i kknow this is going to sound bad please dont judge it just happen.... i feel aweful and i regret it but please dont judge with what i am about to say.)
--> so i really do love and care for him and he tells me he feels the same way. but his personality is always humor not to serious just likes to joke and have fun which i dont mind i find it amusing :p and im kinda the same so it works great. but last night i was sleeping over at his friends house with him and we were all in his friends bed. (me, my boyfriend and his friend) and were all pretty close haha but jokingly to piss off / amuse his friend as a joke me and my boyfriend started having sex. in the bed. and his friend lying right there (dont judge i know it sounds bad) but to be honest i only do this stuff cause he tells me to and i just wanna make him happy. i will admit im kinda whipped. but anyways so then as a joke he told his friend to join in. and hes always joked about 3 some. / sharing me (jokingly) and we had something like this happen before but not that bad just kiss. (same guy) as a dare. with him there. and so anyways he kept telling me to. and they both kept telling me to and to be honest i felt really pressured. and so i gave in. at first it was like jokingly i let him fuck me. :( with my boyfriend right there in the bed. and i just did it cause i felt pressured to by them. and my boyfriend just laughed at first and made little comments. then lied there and \"slept\" per say but i know he was awake but i dont know why i let his friend keep going. i honestly just didnt know what to say i wanted it to stop but i didnt have the guts to stop him. i was frozzeen. i didnt enjoy his friend at all i just wanted to be with my boyfriend. :( anyways i think this time it made him mad. cause he left the room. got up and walked out. and i was left there with his friend . and his friends like i think he cares this time... im like well then why did he tell me to? :( ugh!!! anyways i got up and left to and went to the couch away from them both and just cried all night. think im stupid and just fucked up how could i let this happen. now hes mad :/ which isnt what i wanted i really love and care for him i just wanted to make him happy. not mad. i did what he said i went along with his joke. and anyways his friend told me this ....
\"yeah he never admits to liking you and or any of his girlfriends and he wont ever admit it to us cause he just is hiding his emotions but i can tell as his bestfriend he really does care and like you cause of what he got you for christmas and the fact that what we just did effected him (it apparently never effected him in the past) but he must really like you cause he never spends money on his girlfriends and in the past hes onlydated a girl about a month or two and they fight all the time and we have been together 5 (almost 6) months and no fighting. and the fact he is moody and u effect his moods shows he cares.
(but the next morning he just walked by and left the house. he didnt say goodbye or anything to me....)
so basically im just asking. was last nights incident proof that he cares about me cause it effected him to see me with another guy? cause it never used to effect him apparently when he had a 3some in the past. and is what his friend saying true? or did i just fuck up and loose a guy i really care about :( i dont know what to do. or should i dump him cause he is treating me like a trophy and has no respect for me? :/ :( like i dont know what to think anymore. i do not want to loose him though cause all our friends are the same. i just dont know if im being treated like a trophy and used. or if he really cares and hes just starting to show it. please help :( sorry for it being so long :/
TarnishedAngels answered Thursday November 22 2012, 2:00 am: Most of the answers here are all about how you should dump this guy. They have clearly been hurt in the past and aren't concerned with reconciliation so much as hurting someone back.
First things first: You need to understand that every guy you will ever be with, EVER is going to have possessive or jealous feelings about you. its simple biology. How they react to those feelings will vary wildly, but it will still be there. Your boyfriend most likely truly thought it would be a great experience for all three of you, and chances are, if he had been into it and supportive, you probably would have loved it too, if nothing else, for seeing him so into it. But, given how his best friend said he feels for you so strongly, this time it hit him hard.
Many more men than will admit love to see their women with other lovers, but most aren't ready for the roller-coaster of emotion when it happens. That sounds like the case with your BF; He wanted the three of you to get closer, wanted to see you wrapped up in ecstasy, but got hit by the jealousy harder than he was prepared for, and (in typical guy fashion) projected those feelings onto you rather than dealing with them himself.
I've been through this roller-coaster before sweetie with my husband of 15 years, it CAN ruin a relationship, but it doesn't have to. You just need to wait for him to calm down, be supportive in the mean time. He's going to yell at you, just be calm and quiet through it, then when he's in a head space to be more rational, point out that he asked you to and you only did it for him. Keep pointing that out and calmly say you are sorry it went badly, but you only did it because he asked you to. Eventually, his rational mind will kick in and he'll calm down, and likely ask you for a threesome again (again, WAY more men than will admit to love seeing their women with another man, usually so they can have you afterwards and 'reclaim' you) DO NOT SAY 'you pressured me into it' unless you want him to feel angrily guilty about it.
Denabella answered Saturday December 31 2011, 8:12 pm: Okay, sweetie, this maybe hard for you to hear. But I am going to come right out and say it. Dump the bastard. He sounds like he has no mortals when it comes to girls and you are being taken advantage of. Do not let anyone make you do something you are not comfortable with. Peer pressure is apart of life and you will be pressured to do things. It is a fact of life that will never change. But what you can control is how you react to it. He doesn't not deserve you or any girl for that matter. Don't give him another glance and warn the others so they know what they are getting into. [ Denabella's advice column | Ask Denabella A Question ]
lightoftruth923 answered Saturday December 31 2011, 3:22 am: Well, you don't want to be in a relationship where someone is pressuring you at all. You know that. And you know you feel pressured.
No guy is worth the kind of pain you're going through.
I believe that you love this guy. Sometimes we fall for the wrong guys but you should get out of this relationship. You should get over him.
He's the one who told you to have sex with his friend, he can't go around and get all moody about it.
For one thing, you already know you shouldn't be having sex with his friend but you were pressured and you can't take it back.
And what kind of boyfriend walks out without saying goodbye? He's mad but it's his own fault.
Then his friend said he doesn't even admit to liking you. He's just that type of guy. You don't need that.
Trust me, there are better guys than him. You made a mistake and you have to move on.
I hope it all works out for you. You can do better. [ lightoftruth923's advice column | Ask lightoftruth923 A Question ]
Spirit answered Thursday December 29 2011, 7:26 am: Do something for your own sake.
DUMP this guy. Forget about him completely and throw him out of your life.
He is a jerk. Sorry to be harsh, but you need to know that. He is doing nothing with you in the name of being 'in a relationship' except exploiting you. He sees you as a sex toy, not a date. You are being gullible and he is taking advantage of that.
THIS INCIDENT has to be like a wake up call. wake up, girl! Wake up to your gut feeling about this guy that he is using you. Wake up to this gut feeling which is trying to warn you. wake up to your conscious that made you cry about the incident.
Look around you and assess the situation for what it is. How is it making you feel? Are you happy? Are you satisfied with the relationship as it is? Most likely not, meaning you need to start thinking about whether this relationship is worth it.
AND IT IS NOT!!!
Guess what? There are plenty of guys who would make you smile , like you for what you are, and love you truly, and NOT mistreat you by making fun of you and laughing at you and pressurizing you to have sex with his friend!!!
Here is what you need to do:
1. Reclaim your self respect, stand for your own self and write a last note/ e-mail/ text telling this guy that he is a swine and you would never like to hear from him. ask him to go away and fuck himself. Tell him that you know that he's not sorry for what he did to you and tell him clearly THAT he doesn't deserve you or your forgiveness.
2. IGNORE him completely: don't reply to texts, his calls, he may try to hurt you by saying you bad things and blah blah, but whatever happens, do not carry on the conversation with him. IGNORE him totally.
3. Find some new guy. Or if you can't, hang out with your real friends/ your family. Have ice cream, have fun, like nothing happened. Have a positive attitude and move on. Remember, You have learnt a great lesson in your life.
4.Remember, you are a beautiful person and there is someone made for you, and you will find that guy soon.
5. Don't let this guy ruin your life: get rid of him asap, and don't even let his thoughts enter your mind. Find something to distract yourself like a productive acitivity/ good music/ cool place/ good book.
6. Guys who don't respect girls DO NOT deserve girls. Believe in yourself, don't think about what happened and don't let the past ruin your present.
If he ever tries to contact you, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT entertain him. If you want, send him a text asking him to fuck himself.
You don't give pearls to swines. He is a swine. do not waste you love, time, care, thoughts or forgiveness on this swine.
xChaos answered Wednesday December 28 2011, 9:55 pm: I'm gonna be straight up with you even though you may not like it.
Your boyfriend is awful. Utter garbage. You probably shouldn't have done what you did, and his friend is stupid as well. But your boyfriend doesn't deserve you at all. How the hell is going to pressure his girlfriend into having sex with his best friend right in front of him, and then turn around and act like hes mad at you? That's honestly one of the dumbest things I have ever heard.
It is 100% his fault. Any bad feelings he has he completely deserves because hes an idiot. Don't feel sorry for him. You deserve much better than that. If a man is willing to share his woman with another man like that, it just shows that he's not territorial over you at all, and doesn't really care about you. When a guy really cares about you, he will want to keep you to himself, not basically force you into a threesome and then turn around and act like a sad little bitch with his tail tucked between his legs as he mopes around.
So here's my advice, dump him completely. No second chance. Period. Find a better guy. Don't have threesomes if you want a serious committed relationship. And don't let guys pressure you into doing things. And if they do, don't lay all of the blame on yourself afterwards when its completely and totally their fault. And don't feel bad for them when they decide to be morons and ruin things between you.
There are much stronger and more romantic guys out there who will treat you right, and protect you, and not pressure you into things that you aren't comfortable with. You're worth it, and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
Xui answered Wednesday December 28 2011, 9:46 pm: I'm going to tell you how it is
You fell under the influence, If someone was pressuring you then you should of NEVER allowed it to happen. You regret it, That is exactly why you were up crying because you feel guilty and you knew it was the wrong thing to do.
Sometimes no matter how close someone is with someone joking should only be taken so far before it gets out of hand. Maybe at first your boyfriend thought it was a joke, Maybe he second guesses his actions and is blaming you? Perhaps he realizes that sometimes jokes can turn into a big problem. Yes, It's a problem. Despite someone's interest a threesome can really mess with peoples feelings both mentally and emotionally. You are only sixteen and you've put yourself in a situation that not even most adults are able to handle. For the future I would watch just how much you joke around and what you joke about, You've been pressured and pretty much taken advantage of by both your boyfriends friend and your boyfriend. If you want my honest opinion I would probably move on and find someone who will not pressure you. Pressuring someone is NOT love and it is a very disrespectful thing to do. You may care for this boy but to tell you the truth someone who cares about someone does not pressure them. All 3 of you were wrong, Your boyfriend disrespected you and so didn't his friend. Take what happened as a lesson learned and make your 2012 a clean slate with someone who is worth your time in a respectful way that you should be treated and if someone ever pressures you again I hope you think before you act. [ Xui's advice column | Ask Xui A Question ]
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