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Girls...Why are you so complicated?
Theres a girl I work with for a year and a half and that whole time she had a boyfriend (they were together for 3.5 years) until they broke up two months ago (they both decided to end the relationship together and overall had a "nice" and mutual breakup). I never thought of her as a girlfriend material and always saw her as a good friend, but for the past three-four weeks we started to get closer, phone calls, text messages etc and last week it really seemed like she had something for me - came to seat with me more, flirting, touches etc, it came to a point where people started asking if there is something going on between us and that I should make a move...(for the recored, I would date her if given the option).
Yesterday I caught her for a talk and asked her if what I see is true and if she wants to "take it a step forward". Well, she said that she doesn't want any relationships with anyone right now and that "there have only been 2 months since the breakup", I asked her if she still has feelings for her ex, she said yes, so I asked if she would get back with him if she could, then she said "yes, but he wouldn't..."
So, What the f**k?! I understand you had a 3.5 year relationship, but common, that dude obviously doesn't want you back (he's really nothing special at all and to be frank he is **a bit** ugly, I don't know what she found in him in the first place, but thats non of my business), and you have this opportunity now, why not jump on it? Her answer doesn't have any influence on me except for a "wtf is wrong with you" reaction, I told her it doesn't change a thing and we're still gonna stay good friends (although it seems that what I said [I think] had some influence on her because she doesn't act like a week ago for example, but we still talk normally etc), but hey, I really don't understand this, enlighten me...
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Thanks guys (and girls ;) ), what you said really helped me and made me understand the situation better, I guess I rushed it before thinking a bit more..Anyways, point taken, I still don't know if I should raise this topic again in 1-2 months, but I'll see how it goes :)
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Give her a minute to bounce back from ending one relationship before diving into another.
You seem terrible hurt as if she has rejected you intentionally cuz she's blind and dumb or something. Which leds me to believe you aren't the best thing for her or anyone!
Chill.
Quit taking this all so personally and stop making so many assumptions about her!
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They are not complicated mate. You only think that because you're a guy. The main reason for that is your difference on society, genetic, and social pressure.
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You should be thrilled she said she wasn't ready for a relationship. She could have jumped into one, using you as a rebound, and than left you a couple of weeks/months later. She's being smart, not complicated.
She has been with her ex for 3 in a half years; it's only two months. Some people need longer times to get over their ex's. She is still going through the rough part of the break up. Just give her time. She is watching out for your needs and hers. She knows she can't give you what you need right now because of how she feel for her ex. And he may not be anything special to you, but he was to her or she wouldnt have been with him for almost 4 years.. She was probably leaning towards you after the break up because thats how girls are. We become really close to someone to help ease the pain of heartbreak. When you hinted to her that you had feelings it probably scared her a little bit. You probably need to let her now that you care about her and you dont want her to feel like your rushing her. You only mentioned it because you wanted to know if what other poeple was saying was the truth. And you still wanna be good friends. And to not let it affect you guys friendship;
Godd Luck, if you need anything else don't heistate to send me a message to my inbox<3
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This isn't a 'girl' thing.
This is a human being thing.
Human beings have feelings. They aren't always rational and they don't always lead us in the best direction, but we have them and it's always better when we don't pretend they don't exist.
You must respect her feelings, and what she says to you, if you want to have any sort of friendship with her, let alone anything more.
She says she isn't ready for a relationship and that she still has feelings for her ex and your response is to say that that answer isn't good enough, has no 'influence on you' and to think there is something wrong with her.
Do you realize how arrogant and disrespectful that is? Someone you like shared something personal and honest with you and your response is to judge them this harshly?
Chill out. If you like the girl, respect her enough to believe that she knows what she is and isn't feeling and that she is capable of making good choices for herself.
You don't need to be 'enlightened' you just need to take a moment, stop being so judgemental, and actually put yourself in another human beings shoes.
If you don't like her choices and her honest feelings at the moment, maybe she isn't a good match for you, but if you can't respect her choices and honesty then you aren't even a worthy friend for her.
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