I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and a half. We were fighting a lot over the summer, so we took a short break (it only lasted a week) during this time, I found out that he started to have feelings for one of the girls he worked with. The day before we got back together they kissed. Even though we were on a break, we were still technically together just without the label of being in a relationship. It obviously hurt me when he told me about the kiss and it made me almost not even want to go back with him. He apologized and said it would never happen again, but that happened in august and it's now november and it's still haunting me. I don't know what I should do about it. My friends tell me to get rid of him, but my heart tells me not to let go. Anyone have any advice? Thank you
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? myisha answered Wednesday November 23 2011, 7:52 am: In my opinion I think you should stay with him you guys have been together for a very long time and you shouldnt throw it all out the window over a kiss. You need to talk this situation out with him and tel him how you felt, obvioucly there was some trust in the relationship before and you need to restore it. A "break" means different things for different people he may have taken it as you can both see other people but will eventually get back together. Basically you need to think over the pros and cons. Hope everything works out 4 u :) [ myisha's advice column | Ask myisha A Question ]
nascarfan1987 answered Monday November 21 2011, 6:26 am: This is an iffy situation.
I'm going to give you two different answers of what you could do; followed by what I think you should do.
You have been with him for a year in a half; I'm sure things get intense between you guys; once your with someone for that long, it easier to fight and such. I personally don't believe in "breaks" or "break ups" when you know you will get back together with that person. Breaks, ruin relationships. I've always said that, and from seeing with what happened between you too, I'm right.
1) You can stay with him. A break is a misleading thing. When you decided to go on break, was it a mutual thing? Was it your decision? His decision? Did you guys talk about what you could and could not do during this break? If not, I don't think a peck kiss is something to throw a year and a half relationship away. It was just a kiss, nothing more. Yeah he shouldn't have done it, but still he told you didn't he? He didn't keep it from you, right? Give him some benefit of the doubt here. I know its wrong, and I'm not defending him at all. It's just silly to throw it away like that.
2) You can leave him. If you believe this kiss meant more than just a kiss, and if he still has feelings for this girl, than leave him. Obviously, it cannot be fixed. It's still haunting you and you seem to not be able to get over it. I don't understand that after a year and 6 months of being with someone, how they could just go and develop feelings for someone else. Was he not worried about you? Did he not care about what that one stupid kiss would do to you? Shouldn't he had been more worried about you guys getting back together, than his lips on another girls? Think about it.
IF YOU WANT TO STAY WITH HIM & GET OVER IT:
Than first thing you need to do, is tell him. Tell him how you feel, tell him how you don't understand how after a week of being apart, he could go and grow feelings for someone else, and kiss them. If you feel like this kiss is something you can get over, than maybe you should find ways to work it out. You could always suggest your boyfriend get transferred, or get a new job.
BUT...When he apologised for kissing this girl, did he seem sincere? OR did he seem like he was only saying it to make you feel better? You know your boyfriend a lot better than we do, you should know when he means what he says, or when he's feeding you bullshit.
If you need anything else, or you are confused about what to do after this advice, PLEASE DO NOT HEISTATE to send me a message to my inbox. I'll help you until you feel comfortable with any decision you want to make. I'm here for you, along with other people. Stay strong.
Jasmine23 answered Monday November 21 2011, 1:34 am: First off because it's a girl he works with he is going to see her ever day.
For the fact that he was able to develop feelings for her in that amount of time that you two weren't together. then There might still be something there. You want to be with a guy who is fully devoted to you and not have the worry that when he is with you or when you two are kissing worry about him thinking about her or something. Maybe ask him about it. Say i know this was august. But i just don't understand how you could develop feelings for her unless your moving past your feelings for me and they aren't as strong as they used to me.
You need to know that you are his one main priorty in the relationship area. and that he's still not thinking about her. or even worse.
Xui answered Monday November 21 2011, 1:32 am: Move on, If he is seeing someone else in the course of a week being separated then it is pretty obvious that he had feelings for her while you where dating him and never acted out on them. Of course he isn't going to willingly admit too you he has feelings for someone else, He can't even be faithful too you. I know it sucks but if he can't tell the truth then don't think for one minute that he will be faithful to this next one either. You are right, You should let him go. Don't even bother staying in contact with him as nobody who cheats or lies really deserves a friendship in my opinion. It's a lost cause [ Xui's advice column | Ask Xui A Question ]
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