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Teenage Mother with a controlling mother
18/f. I just graduated and I'm pregnant. I am now in college I am expecting to have my daughter Jan 3. There has been drama with my family & my boyfriend's family just because of different beliefs, which has been real annoying. My parent's have been doing everything already for my child, and I appreciate that very much. But I feel that's the only help I need and sometimes assistance with my daughter. I can already tell though that there are going to be problems with parenting my child here. We have been setting the room next to mine up to be my daughter's room, it was never really a question it just happened well my mom made it happen. I honestly would like my daughter to be in my room is that foolish of me?
My mom still tries to take everything over like I have gotten medicaid and my sisterinlaw gave my mother the card and my mom never gave it to me when she knew i was going to the doctor that makes no sense to me and she still hasn't given it to me i told her i needed it I wouldn't think someone would need to be reminded that
She already babys the heck out of my nephews and niece it's just so sickening. and with the my child living here around it 24/7 just makes me sick
Things in this house are so unconventional, my parent's don't sleep together, they always need to be more than acknoledge when they arrive, theres never truly any privacy my dad sleeps in a room where you always have to see him to do anything in the house and be asked what you're doing or just feeling the wondering. They don't use the same bathroom so i have to use the bathroom in my mom's room which i hate, I don't plan to take my daughter over there all the time to bathe her that makes no sense. but my dad's bathroom and shower is never kept clean. My mom act's like this baby is coming for her. like she's the one who is becoming a mom again like she always has to take over. It just pisses me off I want to get out. I want my daughter to be sure of who her parents are and not always on and around someone who didn't even want her here in the first place. I just see this allll happening, and I guess it's cause i'm pregnant and I want to prevent it instead of it ever happening at all. It sucks because I'm still a teenager I cannot do anything on my own my mom is the main one who can help because she does nothing all day, which is a contributing factor to this. I am very grateful for them but my mom just takes things to another level and ive told her many times to step back and my boyfriend & his mom already and she still thinks the way she does. I know its messed up to think things could get this way and nothing like this even happens. but idk what is going to happen. I really need advice
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I was a young mom I still am young but my son is 4 now. I had to deal with the family drama its hard but you have to deal with it. you can get a baby bath time they can use that for several months you can bath your child in the kitchen in that tub or even in kitchen sink. its safer than a huge bath tub. as of the medicad card you need to just ask your mother for it and have her hand it to you right then and there. you still are a child. my husband has called me a child up until i finally turned 20. its hard being young and u and your parents have to agree on ways to deal with it. ask your mom not to help with the baby 24.7 but you would defintly apprciate some help
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Wouldn't it be nice if we all had a huge amount of money, where we could move out and have the ability to pay for everything we need and support a family? That sounds like an ideal life.
Sadly, for a lot of us, it's going to take a lot of time to make it happen.
Especially for you, as you're only 18 years old and still living in your family household.
I live in my family household and let me tell you, it drives me crazy. I don't get as much privacy as I'd like, I can't have whoever over when I feel like and I can't come and go as I please. but that's the price I have to pay because I can't afford to get my own place just yet.
Unfortunately, this is gonna be the same for you, since you can't afford a place of your own.
Your mum has been there and done that - sometimes, it does go to their head a little bit. They seem to take over, because they have more experience.
but I reckon when the baby comes, all the stress you are causing yourself over the matter will soon start to diminish.
You're going to realize that if you did move out, you would find it incredibly hard without help.
Babies are extremely expensive - you have your family to support you through this difficult time and that's one thing you'll probably start to realize.
Also, when you have a newborn, you can't take your eyes off it. You can't bath/shower/nap/paint your nails/put make up on/etc when you want, because you have to pay 100% attention to the baby - when you feel like paying yourself some "me time", your mum/dad will happily look after it for you, another thing you will be grateful for.
First time mums need all the support they can get. It's not about having your own place and struggling, embrace the fact your mum seems so into the fact she's going to have your baby living in the house.
When the baby arrives, you will obviously come to some agreements, you all have no choice - but like I said, are you really surprised your mums trying to take over? It's bringing back memories for her and letting you know she is there for you.
Would you prefer it if she didn't give a damn?
Take a step back and look at it as a whole. What really matters here is the baby.
It's going to be in a home where it can be looked after properly and where money isn't going to be an issue because there's lots of support.
When your mum sees how you are with your child and that actually, you CAN look after it without her supervision, that's when she will start to back off.
I hope some of this makes sense to you right now.
and I wish you all the best for when the baby arrives.
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When my best friend was 18, she got pregnant.
He mother, much like yours I think, was a bit of a nutty, stay-at-home mom.
I'm going to tell you what, in the end, I had to scream at my best friend to get it through her skull:
Suck it up.
Seriously. Suck it up. You just changed your parents lives for the next 5-10 years. You're choice is going to cost them a small fortune finically, and they are going to live the next few years of their lives enabling you to live your life with a baby.
The cost of that support, the cost of not being on welfare and living in a group home, and not being able to go to school is putting up with their crazy, in their home. Nothing you've mentioned here is a serious risk to an infants health - it's just annoying - and if as a teenager mother the worst you have to deal with is 'annoying' while your parents support you and your child as you go to college then you are very, very lucky lady.
Is your mother going to step on your toes? Hell yes. But you broke both her legs when you got pregnant AND frankly, you probably need her to step on your toes a bit if you going to take care of your child and go to school. You're going to need her to step up. Big time.
So you going to have to just deal with a lot of this.
To help, you might call up a support group in your area for teenage mothers (Rose of Sharron, Planned Parenthood - they all have advice and support for teenage moms). It might be helpful to talk with a professional and your mother about who will do what, and what things are important to you, or scary to you.
But you also need to know this:
You are going to need way more help then you realize right now.
You are going to get way more help then you recognize right now.
You are going to get way more help than you may ever recognize.
And you don't 'deserve' that help. It's a gift. It's a gift your parents are giving you and your child that is going to cost them years of their lives and large sums of money.
Appreciating it is a good start, but you also need to respect it and realize that it will come with costs you might not like. You are not going to be in sole control of your baby in your household. You don't get that when you are a teen living with your parents. So, pick your battles, and remember that this isn't all about Mommy and Baby. There are other people's feelings and opinions to be considered in this situation - this situation that you have chossen for yourself and for them as well.
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