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Depressed/Bipolar best friend
I asked a similar question like this a while ago, so it may be a little repetitive. But I had to had a lot of extra information to this one, and I'm dealing with a completly different problem now, so here we go. There are two main questions here both tying in to the same story (I apologize for the length, but this is very important)
My friend is extremely bipolar. To the point where she's crying in a corner during a party ten minutes after dancing, and when I ask what the reason is she says she just feels sad. It's heartbreaking- she can be such a optomistic, adorable, happy girl one minute, and a crying, cutting, suicidal one the next. Yes, she does cut, she has been for almost a year. And she's recently become suicidal.
The suicidal thing scares me the most. She got really close at one point, and I did what all the online websites tell you to do and I told guidance, but it only made things worse. She became much more depressed, and lied through her teeth to get out of the hospital. A month later, she's back and worse than ever. She can't stand doctors of any kind, and she hates therapists because of how they are forced to tell the parents if a patient is suicidal or showing sucidal thoughts. I know that if I go to guidance or her parents or the hospital, it will only make things worse and push her closer and closer to the edge. But I need to find things out fast- she told me a long time ago a certain time she planned to do it, and she says she sometimes things she will still do it during that time, and it scares me.
SO HERE ARE THE QUESTIONS
1. What are some good ways (other than therapists and medication) that she can get over the bipolar disorder? Anything I can do to help?
2. What should I do about her suicidal plans?
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Unfortunately, you're kind of damned if you do and damned if you don't. The bipolar issue is probably related to an imbalance in her brain chemistry and there is nothing you can do about it, especially if she won't take her meds.
The only thing you can do at this point is to be supportive of her but steel yourself for one day getting that devastating phone call.
The most important thing for you here is to not blame yourself. You are too young to have the moxy of a social worker or a therapist. Some people, unfortunately, and I have seen it in my own life, are just doomed. Sad you had to find that out in such a direct manner. You acted in good faith and that is all anyone could possibly ask.
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One: There is unfortunately nothing you can do to help her get over being bi-polar. She might have gone to a doctor already and had been medicated. I guess the best thing for you to do is to no react to when she may have an outburst or when she may get angry. It's better that you try to stay calm and not fight back!
Two: As for her suicidal plans I would tell her parents or maybe even your parents. Let them know whats going on and what she has been saying. if you girls go to the same school together maybe tell a teacher or the guidance counselor. Make sure an adult is aware of what is going on.
You're a great friend and she's very lucky to have you. Good luck! :)
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Guidance councilors and therapists do not have the qualifications to help diagnose or give aid, treatment to those with mental illness. It's no wonder they didn't do much with the info you gave.
Your friend's problem seems greater than bipolar disorder and doesn't fit the symptoms and standard definition of that particular mental health problem. I can say this having the disease myself.
It's true that a person can become elated, normal, depressed but it's always a rapid cycle. They can also have very scary thoughts too. However, the big difference between bipolar disorder and other mental health issues is that she would have constant grandiose ideas, visions and delusions. More people would know something was way off than you would by now.
She needs help but you have to be careful not to diagnose her or turn to internet sites to deal with her. She needs a psychiatrist to do that and give her support. I know your friend doesn't want to be in a hospital setting or for people to know she needs help. I understand that but it's what she needs.
There are NO way possible to treat a mental health problem and a suicidal person than to have them deal with a medical professional trained to deal with these issues. Bipolar disorder, depression etc. aren't something you can just get over. If they were it wouldn't be an epidemic and psychiatrists wouldn't exist to specialize in remedying it.
You have to tell your parents exactly what she's been saying about suicide, her breakdowns at school, the lying when confronted, and the fact she's tried to pull the wool over the eyes of her doctors. Let them deal with it and leave it at that having done the right thing.
Don't worry about her and the edge because if you don't tell and she did something you would know you didn't act but if she did despite help offered by you or anyone it's solely her actions.
There's ZERO to fear with hospitals and perhaps she needs to hear that. All they do is assess your illness, provide treatment, and ONLY if they think you will hurt yourself or are in harms way hold you longer than 72 hours.
If they hold you longer they give you a private room on the ward and you stay there safe until the medication takes hold and they are confident you are 100% stable. They then put you on day passes until you prove through actions that you're ready to rejoin society full-throttle. It's just a period of rest without outside problems until a person gets better. Nothing to fear.
You MUST tell your parents and any adult who can intervene and get her help or she will get worse and this could become an even bigger crisis. It's not what she wants but must be what happens here. You'd be an awful friend if you didn't. Nobody said it would be easy but it's your responsibility to make sure others know what she told you at the very least.
Some secrets shouldn't be kept especially life and death ones. Do the right thing. She may be pissed but better that and thankful to you later on. She needs professional help. Make sure your parents and other adults know exactly verbatim what her suicide plan was so they know how serious this is. Also point out therapists and guidance counselors were told by you and others and that they to your knowledge didn't do shit for her.
What needs to be encouraged is for her parents to get her a psychiatric evaluation at the emergency room from the on-call mental health professional at a hospital and get immediate action before this does get worse as it may well if nothing's done. Believe me it's the only option.
Be sure her parents know that this girl confided to you that she deliberately lied to a psychiatrist last time she was in this situation and under a 72 hour hold to get out and is not above doing it again as she's said as much. Doctors treating her need to know this going in. Any good shrink should see that though on their own but the last didn't. Vital piece of info.
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I have this friend who had a bipolar older sister. The house became disruptive and disfunctional. This is no good for anyone. This sounds a lot like my friend's sister. She has got to be admitted into a crazy house just for a little bit. And they can't let her escape. Once she's calm she's needs to be on meds. This will help her and might bring her back to normal. She may never be completely normal but she would be ok in life if they can bring her down from that. My friend's sister is still off a little but she doesn't snap like she use to. None of that. She's just immature. Ever talked to your friend about the suicidal prevention line you can call? You can call them and talk to them. They are there to listen to you and keep you from killing yourself.
The number is 800-273-8255
Hope this helps.
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Bipolar disorder is both the scariest and hardest form of depression to treat. It requires medication and therapy to treat and you never really are cured. In a sense you put it into remission as you do with most forms of depression.
The biggest problem with bipolar disorder is the hi and the low of the disorder. When the person is on a hi they don't feel sick so they are non compliant with their medications and therapy. When they are on a low it can be hard to talk to them and keep them compliant with their medications. This is also the time when suicide enters their thoughts.
There is no better way to help your friend with her disorder than to help her stay compliant with her medication and therapist visits. Offer to go with her to therapy. You can if she wants even sit in on the therapy session itself. Remind her and make sure she takes her medications.
As to the suicidal thoughts and cutting. She may end up hatting you for what I am about to suggest. Lets hope if she does that it is a very, very long hate.
When a depressed person has a plan for suicide is when they are in the most danger. Suicidal ideation is when someone is thinking of or thing of a way to commit suicide. When someone has an actual plan the are thought to be actively suicidal, this is bad. From what you have written your friend is actively suicidal.
If the time she plans to commit suicide is close then you have no alternative but to call the police and let them handle it. No they will not arrest her, but they will take her voluntarily or involuntarily to the hospital.
If your friend has become good at lying to doctors and school authorities and her parents; then calling the police is your best option. Besides keeping the peace the police are also responsible for your safety and well being.
In this case they after your telling them what your friend has told you they are required to look out for her. Tell the police about her plan and her cutting. Then let them handle it. You may or should consult with your parents as well. As having your parents with you when you speak to the police will add credibility to what you tell them.
Unfortunately there is no good answers to the questions you've asked. Your friend is a very sick girls in need of very special treatment. As her friend the best thing you can do for her is what you are doing. Which is looking for ways to help her. You should be proud of yourself for doing this as most people with bipolar friends would run away from them as they would fear what they don't understand and that includes adults.
Like I said you should be proud of yourself for wanting to help her. I am proud of you for wanting too.
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