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humorist-workshop
How to Come Out and What Happened?
I'm not entirely sure where to begin. I'm a guy and I'm bisexual. There's a good start. I knew I was, well probably forever. Just the whole facing-reality part was taking a while. I'm now sure of how I feel and who I am. My question is how do I tell my family? My Mother is semi-understanding. She works at a college with many gay people. She accepts them, but still makes remarks and doesn't like to see them touching, kissing, etc. My oldest brother is very against gays. He thinks Lesbians are "okay". He's basically a tool. :) He would probably take the longest to be okay. My middle brother, I believe, would be pretty accepting. He's usually an a-hole, but he seems the most likely to be okay. It doesn't make sense I know, but it does if you were me. As soon as I tell them, I think I would come out to my friends, and then my highschool and then my extended family. I have told a few friends and they were completely accepting and it's a great start. But my family, well idk. Could anyone give advice or maybe tell me how their coming out went? Please and thank you!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Please stop predicting how your family will feel if....(insert situation here). You do yourself and them a grave injustice by doing this. You come off as someone that thinks very little of them, and you probably do. They will surprise you - I am sure of this. Give them a little credit.
Right now your family views gays, lesbians, and bisexuals as THEM.
Right now your family views you as apart of your family, not THEM.
You will be surprised how your family reacts when they can finally connect one of THEM with one of US. You become a personal face to a foreign situation which allows them to think differently about gays, lesbians, and bisexuals.
In this day and age, in this country, we may be approaching a "AND SO" moment when it comes to sexual orientation. Maybe I am blinded by my Californian residency. But I believe the day of acceptance is near and "coming out" may be irrelevant. Please take care of yourself, continue to grow and be self aware, and surround yourself with good people. You are a shining role model to many. More and more bisexuals need to "come out". No need to be ashamed. Its who you are and you were born this way. Over time your family will understand this if you continue to be a good person.
I came out as gay to my family after being in a secret relationship with a guy for 6 years. I went to great extremes to keep the relationship a secret. I worried what each of my family members would think if they knew I was gay. Gay ='d feminine to my mom, dad, and sister. My uber-Christian sister hinted, and still does for that matter, that she "hates the sin but loves the gays". Bullshit. I came out via letter for fear of my mothers violence. I regret not having the balls to do it in person and it shows what kind of person my worries and assumptions made me. I ended the letter saying the ball is now in their court - accept me or lose me. My mother hid the letter and made me the "bad guy" to the rest of my family. While this did hurt, I allowed my mom to be responsible for HER behavior. It was the choice she made. Four months later she called me and attempted to repair the relationship. I know now how hard that call must of been. She had to get to know me for who I am, not who she wanted me to be. And I had a huge responsibility to the gay community as a role model. I am still with the boyfriend and we just celebrated a 25 year anniversary. Both parents have died, but our baggage was dealt with before they died. My sister could never really understand. She chose to keep me away from her 3 boys who are now fully grown adults with lives of their own filled with hatred towards gay people. A sad note to a upbringing within a "loving religion". But that was their choice in response to my honesty. I am not responsible for their choices.
I hope this helps. Best of luck to you.
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My advise to kids, male and female, still in high school is not to come out while still in school.
My reason for this is while you think your friends would be okay with this you really don't know.
Teenagers are the most unforgiving and un-accepting of society. What they truly don't understand they don't accept. Example is your brother. He accepts lesbians but not gays, why? Because 2 lesbians getting it on, or two females in general; lesbians, bi or straight. To a guy is a turn on. Two guys having sex is ugly and disgusting to him.
We receive many letters from teenagers, boy and girls, sorry that they came out in school asking for help. My advice is if you haven't already done so then don't. When the time is right, move in College, write back to us and we can discuss the parent issue.
The second reason for my suggesting you wait is this. While you feel this way now you could change your mind later. Teenagers going through puberty explore their sexuality. Same sex, sex is easier and safer in some ways than heterosexual sex. I have none some girls that were bi or totally gay all through college that today are totally straight.
Being gay was easier as it kept many guys from hitting on them once it was known. It was safer for you can't get pregnant and you still relieved the sexual tension. Once they left college they went back to being heterosexual.
So if you think your bi; nothing wrong with that. But wait to come out. It is safer for you that way.
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I think you dont even have to tell your fam yet
You have to tell ur parents when you really like a guy and have... you know intimidate stuff (kissing - sex)
Because what if you really fall in love with some hott chickk *Hey mom and dad im bi-sexual but i have a fckin hot GF*
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I think you should wait a little longer. I'm not sure your mom is totally on board yet. I have gay and transgendered people in my own extended family and nobody treats them any different because of it, but my side of the family is rather liberal, too.
What would be interesting is that you could tell your family members that you met a new friend that is gay at school and see how they react to it. If the reception isn't too hostile then you could break it to them. Look at the following site. It may help:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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Hmm well if this helps i have a bisexual bestfriend. And he told me just recently that he was bisexual. I didn't care, and of course i accepted him. My uncle is gay also so it doesn't really bother me. I think you should tell your family first, because family always comes first. Your family should accept you for who you are, and not care what orientation you are. As lady gaga would say, "you were born that way baby ;)" Anyways eventually your gonna have to come out sooner or later. And it's gonna be hard to tell people at your school. Especially if your school is like my school, which is so judgemental. And your brothers love you no matter what, so does your mom so they shouldn't have a problem with who you are. Just come out, you'll feel much better. honestly. just take that risk. so what if everyone judges you? eff them. you are your own person and shouldn't care what everyone thinks! well i hope this helps! :) and good luck!
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