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I am 21 and taking care of my siblings since my parents died. I am overwhelmed with noplace to turn.
hello, right now it's already midnight in my country. Sorry for my English if i am mistake. Almost on year ago my father died and i have to take care of my younger sister and younger brother. My mom did not live us right now. At first even though it's really difficult to handle this situation. Because one year ago my family is very big and i did not worried anything such as my family's expense, revenue, even i didn't worried my college tuition. But since this, only 3 of us live in a home and sometimes it's really lonely. But i want to grow my younger sister and brother well and be disciplined.
but right now i have a problem with my younger sister and brother. The sister is 10years old and brother is 12. They just become teen. And it's really hard to communicate them sometimes. Because they are really shy and always ask me when doing something. It's like permission. But want to grow them confident, brave, and intellegent people. THIS NIGHT I tell of my younger sister, even i hit her. I really regret it because they'are my life's meaning. If i had not my younger sister and brother i have no intention to live. i have to love them a lot instead of my father.
this night i become really angry and cant stop my anger. i think i just too worried everything. i have to work all day. i am 21 year old. Maybe it's too young to take care children.it's because of just my life's everything is suddenly changed.
and i dont have any person to tell my problem. I am afraid to tell my relative that hit my younger sister.
so please give a advice for how to communicate my younger sister and brother. Also give some advise about stay calm and some inspirational advice for life. I really want to your advice.
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My condolences on the death of your father.
No knowing where you live I really can't advise on any legal obligations anyone has towards you or your siblings. I would think since your mother is still alive she would be the responsible person to raise you brother and sister. If you know where she is living and there is some type of child welfare service available I would contact the child welfare services and ask them to contact your mother. They would then most likely place you brother and sister back in her custody to raise.
It is honorable that you have taken this responsibility upon yourself. My feeling is if your mother is alive and capable of raising her children then it is her responsibility. At least that is how it is done in my country.
If for some reason you cannot find your mother then there is no shame in asking relatives for help. Parenting is not a job you can just jump into. It is an on the job learning experience that starts when you have your first child. To jump in to a parenting situation at your tender age and try and raise two teenagers is asking a lot of anyone.
One thing you may be able to do to help yourself is to take a parenting class. The Red Cross or Red Crescent may offer Parenting Classes in your country.
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hello there. I'm so sorry about what has happened in your life. I will pray for you and your family. I'm the baby in my family so I've never really had to take care of anybody. I can't imagine what you're going through. It must be so hard but I am so proud of you for taking the responsibility and wanting to make things better. There are some people out there who are in situations like this but they just give up and don't try.
I think you really need to sit down and talk with your younger brother and younger sister. First talk with your sister alone. Tell her you're sorry for hitting her and that you won't ever do it again. How would you feel if someone hit you?? Not very good. So don't do it to other people. My motto I always go by is- treat others the way you want to be treated. Then talk to your sister and make sure she knows you're always there for her. Reassure her that you're her family and love her very much. After you talk with your sister, then talk with your brother and say the same thing. Ask them if anything is bothering them and if they have anything they'd want to tell you or talk to you about.
I know its tough to raise teenagers, especially since you're 21. But you must stay calm and cool about this. If you lose your temper, it will just make things worse. Whenever you feel yourself getting angry, take a few deep breaths. Another thing you should know is that younger siblings ALWAYS look up to the older siblings. Whatever you do, your siblings will learn from your choices and look up to you. So when you feel yourself getting angry, think to yourself "I have to be a good influence on my siblings. They look up to me so I need to be on my best behavior".
I know its hard and you have a lot of pressure and stress. But you need to find a way to get through it. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. You'll find a way to pull through this and in the end, you can stand up and say you succeeded.
Good luck and I wish you and your family the best!
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Hi there,
First off, thank you for being so strong and responsible. Most people would not be up to the challenge of raising kids at 21.
My best advice is to take it one day at a time. Realize that you are doing the best you can, and don't beat yourself up over it.
Your siblings are probably afraid and unsure of what to do now that they don't have their parents around, so they look to you for advice. Do your best to lead them, but don't tell them what to do in every situation. Give them their options and have them make the choice. Stay involved in their lives, their school work, and their friends. Ask their opinions and thoughts, and let them know that they are unique and important. Learn what their goals are, and help them know the steps to acheive it.
Try to find a support system. Do you have no extended family that you can rely on? Anyone that can take the kids for a few hours each week so they can spend time with other family and you can relax? If not, maybe you can join a support group. There may be counseling at a local religious center (not sure if you have a religion) that you can attend for free. Find a friend that you can talk to, just to vent and let out your feelings. Keep a journal. Don't bottle anything up!
I think you are caring, and you have the right idea and are mature enough to do this. Just keep trying, and don't give up hope. Things will get easier over time. I have faith in you. If you ever want to talk, I'm here just to listen so drop me an email.
Good luck,
-Abby
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