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Uninterested boyfriend
Hi I am a female, 17.
My boyfriend is 19.
We both work I work days and his schedule is all over the place. He works usually 7 to 1 or 7 to 5 but somedays he'll work 7 to 7. I work 7 to five.
I don't have a phone it has been broken for nearly a month. I text him on my breaks from my friends phone since she works at my work too. He replies maybe half the time. I ask him usually when I will see him again. Well he usually says he's tired from work and sometimes he's already busy. Well whenever I can't get a hold of him and I know he is off work I just go to his house and surprise him. He never seems to mind and we usually end up falling asleep. Well whenever I want to do something big I ask him at least a week in advanced. I asked him to go camping with our friends and I and he said he had work so I didn't mind. He told me we'd plan another trip but when I asked him about it he said we weren't going to. And every year my friends and I go to California during Christmas break for 5 days and I invited him. My best friend is dating his best friend so I thought it would be fun for us four to go. I asked him and he said he couldn't get work off when it's several months away. Well I told him I am tired of us sitting around at his house and never doing anything and how I want to go out every now and then. He said he is socially uncomfortable. I told him not to keep making up excuses and how I just want us to do exciting things now and then. Of course he never replied so I told him to think about it and that I adored him. He always complains about me not having a phone to talk to him but when I do text him he never replies, and he never ever replies when I ask to hang out. I told him I wanted him to meet my family and he refuses, and I told him we're not going to have sex again until he at least meets my nieces and nephews since they are only here for the summer and I won't see them again until next summer. When I told him that he said he wasn't even going to kiss me, and now when I sleepover he won't kiss me or even touch me unless I get really upset and roll to the other end of the bed. I just don't get him lately. When we first got together he always wanted to do things and hang out and he seemed very interested. I see him maybe 2 times a week. We've been dating three months.
Is this because of his schedule or me being upset with him. How do I get him to become more interested in me.
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I hate to break it to you, but he is an introvert and you are a pain in the ass. I personally hate it when girlfriends try to either schedule play dates for me because she wants me to be as social as her or she wants her friends/relatives around all the time when I couldn't give two shits about them.
Also, holding sex hostage with the terms that he has to be social with your nieces is beyond inane. To me, that is a deal breaker and I would boot you so fast your head would be swimming for the next week.
I also think that you tend to find his lack of real availability and his being so difficult oddly attractive, which provokes me to ask you about your relationship with your dad: was he also emotionally or physically unavailable when you were growing up? Women often tend to repeat their experience with their fathers in who they choose to date.
Look, either accept him for what he is or break up with him and find someone who is far more social than he is. But don't force march him at emotional and sexual gunpoint through your family and your friends.
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Im going to be very blunt with you because it needs to be said and save you from the heartache. You guys have been dating almost 3 months...and you have already sex wtih him. Hes already gotten something with no work, he has nothing to work for or to look forward to because you already give him those physical pleasures. Its hard to keep a guy interested when you give in to the physical before the emotional. Dont say you cant do it because i have been dating my boyfriend almost 11 months on August 24th and we have not went past making out and hes a freshman in college. And im his first relationship tooken seriously because i dont give in. You got to take control of this relationship. Guys want what they cant have. You dont need to be waiting around for him to get off his lazy butt and put some effort in this relationship. If he doesnt give two cents about trying to spend quality time with you unless it involves you spending the night over. You need to re-evaluate your relationship. You need to move on, forget him.
Dont hold on, its the letting go that makes you stronger. Dont worry yourself with the could have beens, because if it would have been then it should have been :)
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Hi there,
I think others have covered most of this, so I only want to throw a few things out there that nobody seemed to address:
One: Guys, almost universally, HATE texting.
"He always complains about me not having a phone to talk to him..." _-_-TALK-_-_
I don't know if that is part of it, but you should ask him. He may not understand that you think sending one line messages on a phone is actually anything like talking.
Why? Well, many reasons really, but the biggest one has to do with talking to women. Conversationally, many women are extremely touchy-feely.
Words mean completely different things depending on how you have your head tilted or if one eyebrow is arched.
With a phone call, at least we have tone of voice to go on.
If you notice, almost every important thing you, or anyone else, has tried to handle through text has turned into a disaster. Now you know why.
As for not wanting to meet the family... Most women don't introduce their men to their family until they are ready to marry that person. He knows this.
Have you considered that after a few months, he has no intention of being ready to marry you at 17?
Inviting him to meet your family is one thing, but threatening him if he refuses, is quite another. That, right there, would have ended any relationship I would be in.
You are, obviously, a very social person. He tried to explain to you that he has trouble meeting new people, and you called what may be a crippling case of social anxiety disorder... "an excuse."
If what he told you is true, and he opened up and told you that... then you through it back in his face that way... well, I don't know if that can be fixed.
Think about it from his perspective: Why would he ever tell you anything personal again, if he thinks you are just going to marginalize his personal problems?
As for the sex thing... I have to tell you that after reading this, it is pretty obvious you guys shouldn't be having sex at all until this situation is completely worked out.
One of the cardinal rules of a relationship is not to use sex as a bargaining chip. Once you start down that road, it is really hard to save a relationship.
He doesn't want to meet your family yet... so how much do you think he is going to want to meet them when you guys have to tell them you are expecting a baby? (Stress lowers the effectiveness of BC by the way, just in case you hadn't heard.)
The last thing I don't think anyone really covered, is something you yourself already put out there:
"Is this because of his schedule or me being upset with him."
Well, when someone is mean to you every time they contact you, insists you do things that you don't want to do, only communicates with you through text, which you hate, and finally tells you that your life-long problem in social settings is nothing more than an excuse... would you want to talk with them anymore?
He must really like you, because I, personally, would dump you on the spot over this. I think most guys probably would in this situation.
So... how about you get together with him and talk all this out in person?
If you are able to salvage the emotional damage caused here, then remember for the future:
All "text" conversations will end badly with him.
If YOU choose to discuss things in txt... YOU are CHOOSING to have a disaster.
Last thing to mention, I suppose, would be the most obvious: You two are very different people. You want to go do very specific things that you find exciting or fun... and these are things that may even cause trauma for him if he has something like SAD.
He like you, obviously, or he wouldn't put up with any of this, but he doesn't like some of the more social elements of your relationship.
If this is something that you can't deal with, and from what you wrote here, that is how it looks, then you will have to end this relationship.
Why? Because as time goes on, this is only going to cause MUCH larger problems between you.
There may be more to all of this, but you will only find out if you talk to him without threatening him again.
Good luck, and I wish you both the very best.
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This guy has moved on, Despite how busy someone may be nobody is too busy to make a phone call every now and then. If the guy cared about you then he would make time for you as you would generally come before his friends. You text him, He doesn't respond half of the time this is a flag. Solid could be right, The guy could already have someone else lined up but surely he is bored of the relationship and has no interest in making it work. Time to move on
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I would do yourself the ultimate favor and cut the guy loose. This has only been three months and if it dragged out any longer you would be left miserable in the end. It seems that he's socially, emotionally, and physically detached from you and not in to you or meeting your needs.
Alarm bells are ringing because he never responds to you, doesn't want anything to do with your family, socializing or being together outside the house. You might be texting too much but still... It's very weird behavior for a boyfriend who is supposed to love you.
As much as it may hurt tell him that you aren't happy with him for these reasons and wish to move on. He's not going to change and you're going to wind up even more neglected and resentful because he's not seeing the problem and can't. He may also have someone on the side but likely doubtful.
You guys just aren't clicking and him not showing affection, concern for needs or even kissing you suggests something isn't at all right. I would ditch him based on answering a ton of questions like yours. You are incompatible.
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Wow.. same problem here... to me what it seems with no replies.. I bet they see it ,but they don't bother replying.. it seems hes just tired and it seems like hes bored.. but he doesnt it seems like hes taking you for granted.. be careful.. you know what I learned.. if he wants to he will talk to you.. dont wait on him.. let HIM do the waiting... just because you guys work doesn't mean you cant text and / or call.. PLUS! you know what it seems like they are interested and then they get disinterested.. guys are hard.. they get bored of what they have..they automatically want something they cant have.. my advice coming from the same problem... fack it.. leave it up to him..you put effort in I put effort in now its THEIR turn(underline their) your too good for him.. and if another guy takes his spot he better hurry up your a great girl no reason why he should do that..
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