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Relative wants to use my name how do I say no?
So my relatives husband has apparently been looking for a job for a while and cant find one but keeps living in my aunts house, doesnt pay for anything and seems to be able to go on vacation and buy fancy electronics. Point is my b/f just got a new job. Its a labour intensive job lifting heavy items up to 90lbs. She asked me if he can put down my b/f name on his application as someone he knows in the company. Her husband has a serious back problem and cant lift heavy objects, stand or sit for long periods of time. Therefor I know he either wont get the job or get the job and not be very good at it. I dont want to let them use my b/f name because I dont see it ending well but dont know how to say no. Besides even if I do say no whats from stopping them as putting him down anyways. Help I dont know what to say I grew up with her and dont want to hurt her feelings.
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Tell your relative that her husband's back problems preclude him from being able to work there and you couldn't live with yourself if you were partly responsible for him sustaining a potentially life altering back injury by allowing your boyfriend to be used as a reference.
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Uhh, he has to put your boyfriends name down. Companies worry about nepotism, which is basically having employees who are related to each other or who know each other well and who might give each other perks, promotions, or raises undeserved or something similar.
If he's specifically asking for a reference, you can be honest and tell him about the job requirements and that your boyfriend can't lie to his bosses if they ask him about things like the back condition which would make him unfit for the job.
If not, and it doesn't sound like he is, then yes he has to put your boyfriends name down or else he could get a job and get fired for not providing the information before being hired.
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There is a saying that, "The truth will set you Free". You have said it all here. Your relatives husband is not physically able to work for this company in the same position as your boyfriend. Your boyfriend could not therefore recommend him for a job and would not like to be put in a position of saying anything to his new employer if her husband were to apply for a job. This is what you tell your relative.
Should they use your boyfriends name without permission and he is asked for a recommendation: His first words to his employer are that his name was used without his permission and he would prefer not to be asked for a recommendation. This statement alone should be enough for his employer at that point to thank him and walk away. If he is pressed for why your BF is now clear to explain his reasons for not making a recommendation.
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I don't advocate lying, so you could just say "I will have to say no in case he doesn't work out" and just leave it at that.
Or if you really want to spare her feelings, a little white lie might be in order, just say you don't want to be a reference for someone applying to the same place that you work because the last time you were a reference, the person didn't get the job, and you think of them as friends and prefer not to risk the friendship over employment.
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