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Change of name?
15/f
Next year I will be leaving high school and have the chance to start a new when I head to college. I've wanted to change my name for ages now, my surname is embarrassing and I hate my forename. I know new people I meet wont be phased but I'm worried that my girlfriend won't like me anymore. She says that I suite the name I want and that she wouldn't be bothered. And she has called me by my name I want more than my real name and I've pointed this out. But I keep thinking she wont like me or she will hold a grudge against me. I want to change my name to a more boy name because I do think I was born a boy in a chicks body and I've already spoken to her about that. But I wanted to change my name to Kai which can also be used as a girls name. I know that I will have to do paperwork but I was going to get a name change thing instead of going to my school prom since I dont want to. So I guess i just wanted to know what I should do about this. Advice about my gf and whatnot.
Thanks!
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I've never heard of Kai being used as other than a guy's name.
I think the immediate issue for you is, in your heart of hearts, do you want to undergo sex reassignment surgery and live as a guy? A member of my extended family underwent a conversion (sorry, not a great word) of female to male. She (now he) began acting out on wanting to be a guy at a fairly young age. So I have a little bit of an inkling what you're going through, so I would encourage you to resolve that issue before you do anything else.
Here's the thing, though: the chances of your relationship with your girlfriend sustaining itself for any significant length of time is pretty remote. People evolve too much into their 20's and usually grow apart. So the thing to do now is not overthink this and just take your relationship with your girlfriend on a day by day basis and see how it goes. That is all you can do. If you break up, well, as the saying goes, it is better to have loved and lost than not loved at all. And you learn something from each relationship anyway, so at least the experience will be valuable down the line.
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My feeling is it is your life, your name,you have to live with it.
First things first though. Your 15 years old which is below the age of consent in most states and below the legal age in every state. Which means I don't think you can change your name without your parents consent and possibly not even with their consent. It would depend on the laws of the state you live in.
If you live in another country I have no idea what the laws in your country may be on this, you would have to seek an attorneys advice. In fact to change your name is going to require some type of legal order in almost any country or state I can think of.
My advice is: It is your life, you need to do what you feel is best for you in this situation. If you decide that changing your name is what is best; then I feel you need to seek out an attorneys assistance. If you cannot afford one a legal aid attorney may be able to help you. At least to answer the question if you are old enough to legally change your name.
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If your girlfriend calls you by your preferred name anyway, why should it matter to her whether it is your legal name? You should trust her to be honest with you about your name.
(On the other hand, you said you think you're "a boy in a chick's body". Does your girlfriend know this? This might be something that you need to discuss.)
If you are sure that you want to change your name, do it sooner rather than later.
It would be good to get your new name on the certificate when you graduate, and also not to lose as much work history that you had under your old name.
That said, do be warned that it will cost money and require paperwork. Also depending on where you live, you may not be able to do this until you turn 18. Look up the relevant laws.
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I may not be the best of help with this one but I'll try and give you information on what I already know...
Each state is different with the name changing, I know I have looked into changing my name in the past because I didn't want to have my fathers last name. Changing your name cost thousands of dollars and often has to be approved by a judge. Social Security has to be changed, birth certificates, licence etc. There is soooo much paperwork to be done and it all doesn't come free. If you really think it is worth the hassle then you can start by going to a courthouse and obtaining the proper paperwork but it is not a cheap process and it is costly. I never went through with it because no matter if I changed my name that doesn't mean I am no longer who I was 2 years ago.
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