|
Avoids sex cause it takes too long?
My boyfriend and I have great sex. The issue is, he has trouble making me come quickly. While I myself can take care of it in 10 minutes, it takes him anywhere from 15 minutes to 30, or 40. Not an issue for me. But he has ADHD and gets bored, and feels like he dosent have the energy. But he dosent want to never get me off and just think of himself, so sometimes, hard on or no, he will avoid sex entirely due to the fact that he dosent have the energy to try to get me off. This really hurts my feelings and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do about it. I told him that fine, I will just take care of me, just lets have sex, and I'll take care of me afterwards. Advice? Comments?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Situations like this suck because there's not an easy answer and it's not really anybody's fault. I'm not going to knock your boyfriend because sometimes sex can be tiring and if it does take a long time, you just want to get on to something else, especially if you're waiting on your partner. It doesn't mean he's bad or lazy and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. It really can take a lot of energy. My advice is to more or less, "pregame". Taking care of yourself afterward is much less fun than actually finishing with him. Get yourself started first instead of finishing after. Put yourself in a better position to orgasm quicker and 30 minutes may turn into 10. It may be hard to break the regular pattern and try this out and there is a possibility that it will somehow hurt his feelings, but it's worth a try. If you're worried that it will hurt his feelings, talk it over with him beforehand. Good luck!
]
The ADHD is just an excuse. He's lazy and selfish. Get a new boyfriend. The time it takes you to orgasm during intercourse isn't that unusual. So it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself here.
The best part of sex, to me, is when she is enjoying it. If she isn't, I'm not liking it, either. And I never, ever turn a girlfriend down for sex because I know how they will often take the refusal. Besides, even if I'm tired, I find that once I start going to it the fatigue disappears and I get totally into it.
]
Don't have him spend so much time on straight sex. Have more make out time...let him roam his hands over your body...don't be afraid to ask him to go down on you before he gets started. Guide his hands to your clit and let him know what feels good. You can always rub yourself while he's inside of you. Try climbing on top, so he doesn't have to work as hard. I hope this helps and good luck.
]
I tried to find some research or study to refer you to on your question. While there was some research on the subject of sex and male ADHD none that I found was relevant to your question.
Lacking any study or guidance on the subject the only thing I can think of to tell you is; patience. Remember what ADHD stands for and take the time to try and teach you boyfriend to spend more time on foreplay.The more excited he gets you before intercourse the less time you will need to climax.
]
More Questions: |