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1st Cousins Wedding-this May 2011
I have never asked for advice before but this is really upseting my entire world. I will try to make this clear. Also, I will try to keep it anonymous by not including the actual wedding date and will use *'s before the made up names to disguise the real people. OK~here goes. I am 33 yrs old and the mother of one extraordinary son! In the month of May, 2011 (nothing like waiting till the last min I know and I apologize) my cousin is getting married, the guest list stops at second cousins due to large families. On our side of the family she(bride-to-be) only has 3 second cousins. Our cousin *AA's 2 children--(*AA1 & *AA2) and then me, *BB ,also her cousin and I have 1 son(*BB1) who is her second cousin. Now, according to the rules no second cousins are invited. However, *AA1 is in the wedding and *AA2 is her Godchild so both of them will be attending. This creates a situation where not only is my son the only child on our side of the family not invited but it just so happens then that he is also the ONLY FAMILY MEMBER on our side not invited. So essentially when our sides family picture is taken~my son would be the only one absent (if I would attend). To make feelings worse-nobody in my family seems to think this is wrong or hurtfull. In fact they have said many times(not to my face) that I should not take this personally. How can I not? I am really hurt! Even more so because not one person bothered to mention all of this to me-not even the bride-to-be. I only found out the second cousin rule by accident because I asked my aunt about a meal selection for my son or if he should just share with me! We all get along and there are no hard feelings or background incidents that need to be mentioned. In fact~we all celebrated Easter together and I was very warm and talkative to my cousin and her fiance hoping that one would explain more to me or at least address it but not one word was mentioned and I couldn't bring myself to ask. How do you suggest is the best way to handle this? Thank you so much! Miserable in MN
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A cousin is a distant relative to my way of thinking. Does your son actually want to go or are you projecting on him what you want him to feel?
Personally, I find wedding ceremonies and the like to be a waste of a perfectly fine day, especially if they involved distant relatives. And even more especially in an age when most marriages don't last very long. You may be getting upset over something that may not be there. You think they are invalidating your son (and, by extension, you, the person who have birth to him) when that isn't the intention at all.
You also have the option to pass on the ceremony if you feel your family is being slighted. Talk to your son and see how he feels about this. I bet he doesn't really care.
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You should definitely tell them. Not going to such an important event will harm the relationship and only create drama. Also, do not tell the bride about this because clearly she will have enough on her mind right now. Try telling who is helping her like her mother about why you're upset, and that you'd like your son to be a part of this occasion
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I agree with Adviceman, but I do also suggest you ask your cousin directly. Even ask her if it's because of your son's age, and if not, why it would be a big issue for one other person to come. Simply explain to her what you explain to us; that you feel hurt because your son is the only one being excluded. Hope that helps! Goodluck and keep smiling! :)
~RF
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I'm not much on the family tree rankings. What I did pick up on was your comment; "I asked my aunt about a meal selection for my son or if he should just share with me." This leads me to believe that your son may be a toddler or much younger child. If so are the other children also younger children or are they much older than your son.
I'm only guessing as the information is missing. While young children can be a pure delight at family events such as picnics and the like. At formal events such as Weddings they can and have ruined the event for the Wedding couple.
The question you need to ask is; was your son excluded because of his age?" It may have been easier, for your Aunt,to apply the cousin rule then to tell you your sons age and possible behavior due to his age were in question and therefore he was excluded.
Lacking more information this is a best guess on my part.
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