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My parent's dirty house is making my siblings sick.
my parents used to make me clean the entire house as my "chore" for living at home, all through high school. My sisters are apprx 12 years younger than me, and because my mom is perpetually sick and my dad is perpetually working, i have always been the one to take care of them. Recently i moved out, and over the last few months the house has absolutely gone to hell. the carpet is literally covered in clothes, food, and my sister's toys. my dad has left some plumbing projects undone which has resulted in mold. to make a long story short, they no longer care if the house is clean or not.
I have noticed since moving out that my sisters (4 and 6) are always ill. they go through pneumonia, colds, flu viruses more than any other kids i have seen, and i know it's because my family is living in their own filth. whenever my dad sits them down to eat, he brushes all the food crumbs (and objects) onto the floor to make room. he uses bath towels as pot holders.
Because i was hurt that it only mattered to them when they could force me to keep the house, i stopped coming home every weekend to clean up for them (even when my mom said she was going to pay me) but started once again when i went into the bathroom and stepped into a used baby wipe. (my dad won't allow us to flush them, we have to throw them in the trash, which was overflowing)
I think my parents might be hoarders as well. you cannot walk through the garage, even though we have cleaned it out 4 or 5 times; my dad refuses to get rid of anything. only recently could we even walk around downstairs.
the house being in constant disarray has resulted in my parents being on edge and also, constantly sick. i usually wake up to screaming. I can't talk to my parents about anything without being treated like i am younger than my sisters, then i am reprimanded for trying to correct them.
now here is the problem. I am going to move to another state soon, and i am afraid to leave my sisters in this environment; there is no way i could take them with me, i can barely support myself. if i mention anything about how to keep organzied, i get yelled at, and treated like i am too stupid to understand them. it's getting frustrating, and i don't know how long i can stand coming home and seeing everything BEYOND dirty. how do i tell my parents that i am worried about this environment, and that i want things to change? my mom is too sick to really help, and my dad has started habits that are actually making it harder to keep things clean (like putting trash in the sink when the can is full, then putting and industrial sized can in the living room because he doesn't want to walk 5 feet.) it looks awful and it's harming their health. furthermore, i am tired of being responsible for essentially, 4 children. i don't want my sisters to have the same emotional problems that i did from being seen as a cleaning tool... and i have no idea how to talk to my parents about it.
please, please help.
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Your parents have a serious emotional disorder and need professional help. Their home is not fit for anyone to live in, and to raise children in these conditions is negligent and abusive. Both of your parents need to work on themselves, grow up and address whatever it was in their past that has created this emotional mess, which is reflected in the physical mess that is their home.
Although you are older, you are not responsible for your parents. However, you can and should get child protective services involved for the sake of your younger siblings. You are aware of the problem, and to refuse to get involved for fear of your parents' reaction is not what any of them need. Don't expect thanks, but you will have the satisfaction of at least trying.
You can make a huge difference by a.telling your parents they have a problem and will benefit from professional help (therapy), and b. (if they refuse to acknowledge that they have a problem, which is common) talk with Child Protective Services about your concerns. They know about family and individual dysfunction and may be able to get your parents to get help.
You don't say what your mother's illness is but I suspect an emotional component. Whatever it is, she needs to grow up and take responsibility for herself first. She's no good to her family if she doesn't.
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Call Child Protective Services.
When I was 19, I had to make the very, very difficult to decision to let a brother sit in jail and NOT bail him out (so that I could do what he was supposed to be doing at the time and take care of my younger siblings until my parents returned from an overseas trip.) I know it's not quite the same thing, but I do grasp the very scary thing it is to leave a family member in the grip of the law and social services - where you don't know quite what will happen.
But this is sort of where you are at now. You know your younger sibling's health is at serious risk. I don't think you should try to speak to your parents anymore - you are their child, and you shouldn't have to fight with them or jeopardize your relationship with the whole family to change this horrible situation. They know your opinion, it's time they hear a social workers opinion.
So, put an anonymous call into CPS. A lone social worker will come by the house, they do a general walk around, look at the child, check the fridge for food, and make a recommendation on how to move forward. They rarely remove kids from a home (although, yes, this is a possible outcome). More often they give parents a chance to change, and mandate classes or support or follow up visits.
I know this is scary as hell, and it's all wrapped up in your totally justified anger and resentment of the way you've been treated, but for the sake of your family, call CPS.
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Tell your parents by living the way they are it's
unhealthy not only for them but for your sisters also it's unsanitary and because of it your sisters are getting sick and their health is being jeopardized by them leaving the house the way it is your parents are putting your sisters at risk of being taken away by child protective services and having them get involved the environment their living in isn't healthy tell them your worried and want things to change so when you do move you won't have any reason to worry you need to make your parents realize how serious the situation is and that it isn't something to be taken lightly or as a joke if you are truely worried about your sisters health and well being then i think you should contact child protective services so your sisters will be taken out of the environment seeing as you don't seem to be getting through to your parents it's clear you can't handle the situation alone and you need help and there's nothing wrong with that at this point you've got to do what's best for your sister's nobody deserves to live in flith and that includes your sisters their no different everyone deserves a clean home to live in including them :)
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First let me say I'm sorry you find yourself in this position and that I am extremely proud that you care enough for your siblings to want to do something to make a better life for them.
My suggestion is probably not something you are going to like though it is the right thing to do given the situation you have written about. You have a right to a life just as your sisters have a right to a warm, clean home and clean clothes to wear.
My suggestion is you contact the child social services division of your local government. If you are not sure how to contact them you can ask the local police or sheriffs department for help. From what you have described your sisters do live in a dangerous environment. Local law enforcement can help you with contacting child services.
Child services will of course look to you to care for your sister. You will have to explain to them that you are moving out of state for what ever reason your are and are not financially able to care for them. If you are willing and it is only money that is the problem child services will supply funds to care for them.
You should also have a list of names,address and phone numbers of Aunts and Uncles, Grandparents and even close cousins who might be able to step in and care for your sisters, ready to give to child welfare.
I realize what I am asking of you is going to be the hardest thing you have ever done. It is also the right thing to do and in the best interest of your sisters. Hopefully a relative will step up and take your sisters into their home and care for them until social services is assured your father has cleaned the house and made it a safe environment for your sisters.
Will your parents get upset with you for doing this. I'm sure they will; what is important is the safety and health of your sisters. You are not your parents housekeeper; that is not your purpose in this world. You have the right to seek out your own destiny. If your mother is to ill to care for your sisters and keep the house clean then your father has two choices. He can step up to the plate and care for your mother and the children as well as keep house or he can hire a housekeeper and caretaker. It appears he has chosen to to neither expecting you to do what is his responsibility.
Just for the record I am old enough to be your grandfather. If your father was my son or even my son in-law he and I would be having a rather heated discussion about the living conditions my grandchildren and his wife are being forced to live in. To be frank your father needs a wake up call.
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Is there grandparents or aunts or uncles or something that could care for these young children. I know hoarding is a dieses but its self inflicted. I like to keep crap to but I am not going to i have a 4 year old and 1 year old i cant keep a house like that. i would love to be lazy and not pick up after my self and my family but that is not life. not part of growing up and your sisters are being taught they dont have to clean that this is how they are supose to live. you need to find some help for your family because worse comes to worse.
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