Member Since: August 31, 2013
Answers: 1
Last Update: August 31, 2013
Visitors: 324
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my parents used to make me clean the entire house as my "chore" for living at home, all through high school. My sisters are apprx 12 years younger than me, and because my mom is perpetually sick and my dad is perpetually working, i have always been the one to take care of them. Recently i moved out, and over the last few months the house has absolutely gone to hell. the carpet is literally covered in clothes, food, and my sister's toys. my dad has left some plumbing projects undone which has resulted in mold. to make a long story short, they no longer care if the house is clean or not.
I have noticed since moving out that my sisters (4 and 6) are always ill. they go through pneumonia, colds, flu viruses more than any other kids i have seen, and i know it's because my family is living in their own filth. whenever my dad sits them down to eat, he brushes all the food crumbs (and objects) onto the floor to make room. he uses bath towels as pot holders.
Because i was hurt that it only mattered to them when they could force me to keep the house, i stopped coming home every weekend to clean up for them (even when my mom said she was going to pay me) but started once again when i went into the bathroom and stepped into a used baby wipe. (my dad won't allow us to flush them, we have to throw them in the trash, which was overflowing)
I think my parents might be hoarders as well. you cannot walk through the garage, even though we have cleaned it out 4 or 5 times; my dad refuses to get rid of anything. only recently could we even walk around downstairs.
the house being in constant disarray has resulted in my parents being on edge and also, constantly sick. i usually wake up to screaming. I can't talk to my parents about anything without being treated like i am younger than my sisters, then i am reprimanded for trying to correct them.
now here is the problem. I am going to move to another state soon, and i am afraid to leave my sisters in this environment; there is no way i could take them with me, i can barely support myself. if i mention anything about how to keep organzied, i get yelled at, and treated like i am too stupid to understand them. it's getting frustrating, and i don't know how long i can stand coming home and seeing everything BEYOND dirty. how do i tell my parents that i am worried about this environment, and that i want things to change? my mom is too sick to really help, and my dad has started habits that are actually making it harder to keep things clean (like putting trash in the sink when the can is full, then putting and industrial sized can in the living room because he doesn't want to walk 5 feet.) it looks awful and it's harming their health. furthermore, i am tired of being responsible for essentially, 4 children. i don't want my sisters to have the same emotional problems that i did from being seen as a cleaning tool... and i have no idea how to talk to my parents about it.
please, please help. (link)
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Your parents have a serious emotional disorder and need professional help. Their home is not fit for anyone to live in, and to raise children in these conditions is negligent and abusive. Both of your parents need to work on themselves, grow up and address whatever it was in their past that has created this emotional mess, which is reflected in the physical mess that is their home.
Although you are older, you are not responsible for your parents. However, you can and should get child protective services involved for the sake of your younger siblings. You are aware of the problem, and to refuse to get involved for fear of your parents' reaction is not what any of them need. Don't expect thanks, but you will have the satisfaction of at least trying.
You can make a huge difference by a.telling your parents they have a problem and will benefit from professional help (therapy), and b. (if they refuse to acknowledge that they have a problem, which is common) talk with Child Protective Services about your concerns. They know about family and individual dysfunction and may be able to get your parents to get help.
You don't say what your mother's illness is but I suspect an emotional component. Whatever it is, she needs to grow up and take responsibility for herself first. She's no good to her family if she doesn't.
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