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Escape from peer pressure....
hi there...
22/f
i am stuck in a really crappy situation...
i had a bad bad experience last year. first there was a guy who totally used me (i should have seen that one coming but as it "could never happen to me" given that it was my first relationship" i didn't know how to say no cause i wasn't sure of anything... anywayyy...) school pressure, prof truing to make a move on me, parents pressuring me, money...etc. i ended up seeking an escape by getting involved with a bunch of people who are not exactly innocent...
i mean every one has fun, but these guys are on things every weekend if not drunk or partying or hooking up or getting people to hook up after fucking them up... they're an average of 3 years older than me, and much much much more experienced than i am...
i thought after that first fling with a guy that else could be out there that's wilder than that? and that is what i want to do since i am no longer naive so that sorta got me initiated into their group...because i had "potential to get corrupted" i don't judge people which is why i have so many friends with different views and lifestyles... i am okay with what they do but i can't handle these new friends without my life crumbling down...
but i can't seem to say no (as usual) and i keep getting sucked into it!!! how do i get my life back!!! how do i sever them out of it if need be without repercussions... i am not comfortable doing what they do at all... and i've got to get my act together cause i am beginning to flunk school!!!! HELP
oh and one of the girls in particular is super manipulative and she is almost psychopathic and is dressing like me talking like me always trying to find commonalities between us... sometimes i feel i am turning into her puppet. or doll she is very very dominant and i can never say no without indirectly getting the sense that i am threatened and that i will regret it...
i got sucked into it deep to the point where plans are already made for me, and if one thing isn't in common i am expendable and that i will be ruined....
what do i do??? i can't let my family or friends find out since i am pretending to have my act together!!
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I can relate to this indubitably. My advice can be summed up in three simple words:
STAND. YOUR. GROUND.
Don't be afraid to be different from these people. Remember who you are and what YOU want. If you want acceptance, you don't need it from these people because they apparently affect you in a negative way.
Let me address that guy who didn't have anything better to do than to play you. His disgrace will now serve to you as an example. You were an innocent creature who was seized by some senseless asshole. Now you are much more aware of certain signs you couldn't see in a person before. Just don't assume every guy will try to mess with you that way again; yet be more observant.
If you see that these people are making you drift away from your aspirations, you need to drift away from THEM. You're stronger than that, don't freak out.
That girl that is your puppet, she needs to find herself. Be 100% honest with her, and don't give a rat's ass what she will say to you. Focus on what you want to say to her. I think you should tell her how you feel about her in a nice way so she won't take things too harshly. If this fails, you go about your business, you don't need to explain yourself to anyone unless you want to. Bottom line, you seem like you care about yourself and school. Don't let people bring you down in these ways. Stand your ground.
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First of all try not to let the bad experience realy afect your confidence or esteem. Hopefully you've learn't some good lessons & as u said your not naive anymore. Now about the pressure coming from all quaters, it happens to evrybody sumtym. I'd sugest you talk to your pals and or parents. Talk to your parents about this professor and also make them understand that you realy feel pressured by them and school. Now please don't pretend that you have your act together when you realy don't it won't help you. Remember this are your family and friends, they'll support and encourage you and who knows maybe by talking to friends you'll realise your not the only one feeling pressured, and you even might get a solution. About this new people I'm realy sorry to say this but they are not your friends. A friend is a person who has the same interests and opinions as yourself & wil help and support you. By your description I don't think this people fit this category. 1st because you say your not comfortable doing what they do and that shows that you don't share the same interests. Friends are people who you can be free with and be yourself when your around them not people you feel threaghtened and afraid to say no when your around them. I suggest you leave this group quietly and cut them of from your life they're no good. Your grades are dropping a clear indicator that this people are just disastrous for you. Now while you don't mind what they do doesn't mean you have to do it especially because your uncomfortable. It's great that you realise you need to get back on track. Talk to your family and/or friends they'll gladly help you. Please realise that because your no longer naive you should hook up with this guys or do what people who are'nt naive do. Instead focus more on things that will build you, make you an even better person than you were before. Atleast should the guy who used you see you, he won't see a broken naive girl but a confident upbeat girl who is doing great despite evrything that happened. Not a girl whose life is now crumbling in all aspects. Hope I helped you in one way or the other. Sorry my answer is too long.
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If you can't just drop these people out of your life then you need to be stronger when your around them. Lay down the law and develop strong beliefs that can't be touched by others, people will respect you if you come off as confident and sure of yourself. Having control of your voice and body language is very important if you say no to someone and your voice is shaky, or you say it to fast, and your head is down your no isn't going to be taken serious at all and people will pick up on this. Try speaking loud and slowly make direct eye contact and keep good pasture. Also learn to be unaffected emotional by people. People can read other people very easily they can see how the things they say and do effect you emotional and can work on this but if you are unaffected emotional, if you can maintain a solid unchanging state people will lose power over you.
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I think you should stop being with these people. First of all, you seem to have a pretty good character, and it's not worth destroying it or regretting about something that may happen later. Being with them may have serious consequences. I understand you because I m never able to say no, and my first boyfriend completely used me. I believe you should let these people sort of "forget" you, because it seems like they may hurt you if you say to them "Nahh, i don't want you anymore" or something. After having got rid of them in this careful and quiet way, you should get your life in your own hands. It will really help you, you will have confidence and you'll be able to say no. Furthermore, you won't be afraid that you will probably end up doing sick and bad things because of those people. I hope I've helped you a bit :)
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