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so called "friends"
all of the people i care about and love in this world use me and i don't have the gall to tell them off. my boyfriend uses me for sex and ignores me thoughout the week, forgets our plans, doesn't give two shits about me. he was supposed to come over monday but forgot and never called. his way of apologizing for that was poking me on facebook. my friend uses me to get weed. and when not that, cigarettes. besides that, she thinks i'm the dumbest person on this planet and basically backhands me all the time (metaphorically) by insulting me. another friend only hangs out with me when she has something serious going on and needs someone who is willing to listen to hours of bullshit while smoking all of that poor person's cigarettes!!!
I'M SO TIRED OF ALL OF IT. i'm not talking to any of these people right now, but i know i probably will in a few days. i really care about all of these people, deeply. but i won't be taken advantage of anymore. i'm graduating in a few months and i have half the mind to move across the country without telling any of them. i can't believe i've put up with all this for so long. my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years, known eachother 4. the first friend i've known for 4 years, and my other friend i've known for 13 years. what should i do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
First off, why do you care about people who use you? Dump your boyfriend and get rid of your so called "friends". Maybe they used to be your friends awhile ago, but now they definetly aren't even remotely close to what I would call an aquiantance, let alone a friend. If you really think moving across the country is a good idea for you then I say go with it. Forget all of these selfish people, there's people out there that will treat you right and like you for you.
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You know, I think you're bang on the money with the moving across the country thing.
In the mean time, yes, dump your boyfriend. Sounds like the only difference will be no sex, which can be tolerated. It still might hurt, even though you know he's not got your best interests in mind, but breaking up sucks. Even when it's got it coming.
My second thought is to read all the Ms.Manners you can and start using her advice on your mooching friend. I would tell you to stop smoking weed, but that's a bit presumptuous. If that's doable for you, do it, if it's not, then don't.
In the mean time, start saying you're out, or that you don't have the cash to top up your weed stash.
As for your stormy weather friend... I want to tell you to block her, ignore the tar out of her, but I have no idea about her. Maybe she's got some serious shit going on and just can't see beyond her own circumstances to see how much she's hurting you.
Honesty is a great policy, but you have to have the balls to do it. If you think you can tell all these people in your life that you are seriously upset with their treatment of you, then do it. But make sure that after you tell them how you feel and what they need to stop doing, you hold them to it.
If your friend comes over and starts talking trash, tell her, "Hey lady, I told you that I wasn't going to put up with this. Now shut up or get out."
Harsh? A bit... but you need to put yourself first. That's the first rule of living. Keep yourself happy and healthy, and when you're in that place you can help others.
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You need to make these people realize you can't be used. Next time you hang out with your friends, refuse them cigarettes. Say you're out or you're broke; whatever you have to. Tell your friend you want to hang out without smoking weed for a change and suggest a fun activity.
If your friend only likes to talk about her problems, approach her with one of yours. Even discuss this issue with her! If she won't listen remind her how you always are there for her.
And with your boyfriend, you need to show him that he can't treat you this way. He's probably used to it and thinks you won't ever leave. Talk to him and tell him what he needs to change. If he doesn't agree then it's time to take a break. He'll realize what he's missing and right his wrongs. You should also probably not give into sex whenever he wants it. Make him work for it!
To be honest, I notice that the 'friendships' shared by smokers and pot users aren't very strong. They last when the stuff is around, but when something comes up those people aren't reliable enough to be there for you. I suggest you cut down or think about quitting, and branch out to a different friend group.
You know what you deserve and you know how to get it. Stand up for yourself.
Good luck,
-Abby
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The boyfriend: Dump him, If he is ignoring you and using you for sex there is no point in being in a relationship with him anymore as he doesn't deserve you. Likewise although you don't want to hear it sounds like the guy may have someone else on the side and doesn't seem to grow the balls to be honest about it. Your boyfriend can't be trusted, It is extremely ignorant and rude to blow someone off and not call if he cared for you and loved you he would want you to be happy, he would want to spend time with you and he wouldn't just blow you off and not call you.
Friend 1: Have you talked to her? Next time she ask you for weed tell her straight up you are sick and tired of her coming to you all the time just so she can get a high off it. I'll be honest here too, She doesn't sound like a friend she sounds like someone who just wants to get out of you what will benefit her.
What should you do? Start over, It is never to late to meet someone who will appreciated you for who you are. The boyfriend needs a kick to the curb as well as your friend. Friends don't use friends, Boyfriends don't ignore girlfriends. You need to move on and try to meet new people, A fresh clean slate take it as a late new years revolution if you haven't made one you owe it to yourself.
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