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Photo of deceased baby -- should it be put away at last?
Hi. My husband and I had a baby in 1998. She died at five days old and never made it home from the hospital (long story). We had another pregnancy in 2004, but he died at 5 months gestation. We aren't able to try again. The hospital took photos of our daughter after she died as a keepsake. They were very caring. We sent a photo later to my parents and in-laws and have one framed at home. My mother displays Katie's photo very prominently, and for some reason this doesn't feel right, especially after so many years. Katie's face is greyblue and it reminds me of her last day and our pain, and I just can't look at it. I keep my copy where I can look if I have the urge, but I just couldn't keep it out where I'd see it all the time. I think Mom has hers out as a tribute, but it feels like time to put it away and replace it with a photo of another, living grandchild. Should I ask her to remove it or do you think this is still appropriate in her home? Thanks!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
If it makes you uncomfortable, it should be put somewhere else. Period. If it causes you pain, let her know.
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I think she feels that nothing can replace that wonderful bundle of joy and I think if she likes having the picture hanging I would let her hanging. I know it hurts you but its her home and it may make her feel better about the situation. You were both hurt by the death of your child but you are both dealing with it in two different matters.
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I think you should tell her about the pain you feel whenever you look at it. Wether she takes it down or not should be her decision, but I would hope, as your mother, that she would see and understand your pain, and at least accommodate your wishes while you are visiting. Maybe it would help to prepare a special scrapbook or something to display the picture in, something that can easily be closed and stored in a drawer or other handy place. And encourage your mother to find other way's to celebrate Katie's life - perhaps a special plant, tree or rosebush in the yard or a lovely vase or painting that reminds her of her precious grandchild. Something that has meaning without the shock of the picture. I'm very sorry for your losses and your pain. In the end, as I'm sure you've already discovered, your family is what is the most important element in healing (or one of, anyway). I hope that you'll be able to have an honest discussion with your mother about this. Good luck!
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id let them keep it ...you can never pay too much respect to the dead anyway
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