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planning my suicide
I am not a good person. I have made many poor choices and no matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to stop screwing up. I know suicide is selfish, but I just don't want to hurt anyone else. I know that by committing suicide I will hurt many people, especially my daughters, but if I stick around I will hurt them more over the years. I have tried everything and nothing has worked. I know I will go to hell, and I am prepared because I deserve it. I tried to get God to stop me or help me or save me, but He hasn't. He just lets me continue to hurt those I love. I have researched, and thought this through for a very long time, tried to get every help I could. Am I missing something? I don't think there is any other way out. No matter what I do, I will hurt my loved ones. This seems to be my only option, but before I go and do it, I thought I would just ask. Maybe in the depths of this pain, I have missed another choice. Maybe not.
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First of all to the people suicide may SEEM selfish BUT SUICIDE IS NOT SELFISH! How can you say suicide is selfish when the person is going through SO much hurt and pain that they think about killing themselves? ITS NOT SELFISH, though ITS NOT AN OPTION like the first person said how can you leave your daughters? They would be devastated
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Just because you have made poor choice doesn't mean you're a bad person just think about your choice before making it and pick the right choice. Everyone screws up nobody's perfect, suicide is selfish it will hurt people more than anything you've done before. Because if you suicide it will hurt people much worse and they'll be thinking how it may have been their fault and thinking their whole lives about how they could have stopped you or helped you. You have daughters? You cannot do that to them!!! Make them live without a father they will be so crushed and you want to watch them from heaven crying over your lost life wouldn't you be crushed if your father commited suicide and you lived without him? No suicides go to hell, you can never be with them the death of a loved one often triggers suicide to them as well. You don't want that for them. God cannot help you stop hurting people only you can. THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER WAY OUT!!!! Things are not as bad as they seem, try to sit them down and talk about how they feel about you and what you did to hurt them and listen and do not argue and ask them what they want you to change and really try do not give up easily try try try! Whatever they want you to change go for it. There's always another choice please don't go through with it. I know where you have been I felt unloved and alone after my grandmother died, I knew my friend was leaving to another school and I'd almost never see her (I saw her once in the summer but haven't seen her since then, her parents are strict and I can only see her when she comes over which is rare) and she's my most close friend and my best friend in the whole world moved to another state and I haven't seen her in years. The boy I was crushing on for 2 years started ignoring me I saw him only 3 times last year. I'm glad 2010 is over, worst year ever it was like everyone else felt the same because 2011 celebration was one of the biggest ever. I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders I cut myself I though of suicide but I got through it and it's a new year think of it as a fresh start. Don't go through with it trust me. You may change it's easier than you think! Oh my god you're a female all females feel that way about themselves at one point in life (I'm a female) I have a friend who's deep in depression but I love her with all my heart and I would be so crushed and alone if she commited suicide please don't go through with it. Have hope!!!!!
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Firstly lets get God out of the equation for a minute and concentrate on your own efforts. You say you have tried everything and nothing seems to work. Well what exactly have you tried to do differently? It sounds to me that despite receiving support from outside agencies your still making the same decisions and choices and so nothing has really changed.I wonder if your simply punishing yourself for the mistakes you have made in the past and assuming that you will continue to make poor choices in the future. Blaming God for allowing you to continually hurt people is a bit of a cop out. Take responsibility for your own actions and concentrate on doing things differently from now on.What is it about you that needs to change? Could I suggest that you start telling yourself that despite not always making the right choices your not such a bad person afterall, just human like the rest of us.Give more thought to how you can make your daughters lives happier and share in their enjoyment by focusing on them rather than yourself.Good luck and welcome to a new way of thinking.
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I algree with you. I think you miss something of very much or you are so overwelmed with your job or your family your body is just not responding very well. I think it is very dangerous to be around your family thinking you will hurt them. I know probably everyone told you to go to a special gudience thing but I agree. They will work with you and help you with all your issues. Another thing you could do is go to a special mental school. It is for people who seem to have problems like you. Deep in side you are a very good person! make a book or diary of things you think about youurself that are good, or maybe to overcome this problem help people out more1 even the sipliest things like helping an old lady cross the street or giving a 3 year old a lollipop. Hope this helped!!!!
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I'm very happy you responded back and that you will seek further counseling. Interview your therapist as you would an employee. Ask if you can call them by their first name. I'm more comfortable with therapist of the opposite sex and some one I can call by their first name. You may have to go through several therapist to find one you relate to, but keep trying until you do.
The fact that you have written us tells me you are not ready to commit suicide yet, you are reaching out for help.
You have told us you are not a good person but not why you feel that way? You tell us you don't want to hurt anyone. How have you hurt people in the past? You realize that your suicide will hurt the people you love, but will it stop the hurt you feel you bring upon them? If so why?
Trying to get help and accepting that help are two different subjects. In psychological terms is called being compliant. Where you compliant with your doctors?
These are the questions I could use the answers too if I am to make any constructive argument to you. Suicide is final, there is no coming back from it. Suicide is also the wrong answer to the wrong question.
You say you have tried every type of help out there. By my own experience I know that when it comes to psychological help having a psychiatrist and therapist you relate well to is the key to success. I went through three therapists and two psychiatrists before I found the ones I was comfortable with; that I could open up to and work successfully with.
If you where not successful in the past I urge you to try again with different doctors. You start by telling them what is bothering you say, much like the letter you wrote us. Then let then lead you back to the root problem. There are two different methods of Psychiatry, you may respond to one method better than the other. Different types of medication will also help but you must remain on them long enough to evaluate them, it generally takes 2 to 3 weeks for these meds to fully kick in.
If you are felling suicidal right now or feel as if you are going to hurt someone pick up the phone and dial 911 or the emergency number for where you are.
I was never suicidal but I was close. There is help out there; all you have to do is ask for it and participate fully when it is given.
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NO. Please, just reading this made me feel so bad. My father has just committed suicide this past month, and trust me, it will be much harder for your family without you here than with you here. It is so hard to lose a family member through suicide, and no one seems to quite understand. For your family, dont make them go though what I'm going through now. It's devastating. It's the worst feeling to know that someone you love dearly is now gone. Your family will hold such guilt about your death, dont do that to them. It is such a loss knowing that they will not wake up, and they will never see you again. Please thknk twince about this, and dont make your family suffer like I am.
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First off, let me just start this by saying..you are wonderful. I know I don't know you, but just the fact you would even think that you aren't good enough, and the fact you want to be a better person shows how much care you actually have for others. Since you did say that you've talked to God, I'll go ahead and say that he has everything all planned out for you. Sometimes it's really hard to understand, or even think could be true, but, it is. He will never give you anything you cannot handle. I have been going through a hard time myself lately..and I've come to find that being the best I can possibly be for other people makes me so happy. My advice to you is, don't give up. Committing suicide would hurt your daughters who must love you terribly, so much. They need their mom. My mom is close to the same age you are. She's lost a husband to a death, and had to raise two children on her own, and she doesn't even have a job. I know if she ever decided to commit suicide, it would be so devastating. You are still young. Don't give everything you have away. If you must, take a vacation alone to clear your head. Or if you need to be surrounded by people, surround yourself with friends or family who love you. Suicide will not help those that you truly care for. I'm telling you, if you go out of your way to be extra nice to people, or to do helpful things for people, it will help! Please just don't kill yourself. God made every person beautiful, and every person with a purpose. I seriously doubt you are a dissapointment to your daughters. If they are teenagers, they are just confused and don't mean what they say. I'm a teen, and I know I say really hateful things to my family when I'm mad at them at the spur of the moment, but honestly, they are things I never mean, and I always end up feeling bad about them, and I know I need my family. Your daughters need you. If you killed yourself, they'd be devastated. Instead, you can be the shining light, not only to them, but to everyone you come in contact with. It is then that you will truly feel happy. It's very much worth the effort. I promise you. Don't give up. <3
Best wishes for you. -<3-
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." -Deuteronomy 31:6.
"Even though I walk through the valley and the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me...." -Psalm 23:4.
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Suicide is not the right answer, There is ALWAYS a way out of things.
1, You have children, Do you really want them to be without a mother? Guess what, They might not say it on a daily basis but you are their mother, They love you and you mean the world to them. Nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. It's life, We learn from our mistakes and we work to make them better. Find the positive in your life, Your daughters and the fact that God has granted you that privilege to be a mother and have the opportunity to create life. Has God forgiven you? Yes, God forgives everyone and even though you may not feel it it's there and it will always be there. If counseling hasn't helped you in the past, Try going to group counseling maybe what you need is to hear that you are not alone and there are others out there that are in the same situation. Leaving your daughters behind would be selfish and that is forever pain, You don't want to hurt them then DO NOT do this. The way to work through things is to take it one day at a time. Are you on medication?..Maybe you could try to see a therapist? Again, There are always ways to better yourself but you have to do it in your favor to look in the right places. Everyone is worth it, You have to change your mind set. Some people are born into this world and aren't given the chance of life, Fortunately you were granted an opportunity and life. It is never to late to make things better always remember that.
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